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Fist of Etiquette

Well, I just got finished boarding up my fireplace. Let's see "Saint" Nick try getting his fat, velvet-draped arse into my pad.

However, I have to disagree with the eggnog sabotaging. I love eggnog and the government only allows it to be sold this time of year, so give me that one, will ya?

spd rdr

Damn, Larry. "'Santa Claus' is merely a construct of the global capitalist plutocracy to exploit the primitive social-psychological consumptive impulses of the sheeplike masses?" How am I ever going to remember that? Can't I just yell "Santa Clause Sucks" and pee on Mom's rug?

Bush4Ever

I'm working on a really special RamaHanaKwanzMas song called "All Ah Wants Fo' Crimmus Iz Mah Grill Muvvafuggahz" and would like to know if the famous group Jump, Little Eichmanns, Jump would record it.

The Exorcist

"I love eggnog and the government only allows it to be sold this time of year"

I noticed Bush's Big Dairy Conspiracy too, FOE.

Fortunately, the brandy that magically transforms eggnog from tasting like elephant semen resting on a dead dog's ass (and who hasn't tasted that a dozen or so times?) to a delicious holiday beverage is sold year round.

Fist of Etiquette

Woah, you mean eggnog isn't just the street name for a certain type of crack that's more expensive because it's seasonal? Damn, I should have learned by now I can't trust my dealer. I don't care if he is my brother.

Moonchild

Nothing sucks more fun out of Mandatory Staff Meeting season for me than being assaulted with the sob story about some Jew couple who didn't have the brains to phone ahead for hotel reservations then demanded the U.N. parcel out some kind of temporary Jewish state in what had been lands traditionally occupied by our animal friends. The only bright spot to this grim tale is that it points out how underfunded our nation's healthcare system has been. If its funding was adequate, this child with questionable parentage would have been born in a hospital and not been ritually mutilated via some primitive Jewish circumcision ritual. Also, a standard blood test would have identified the father so his wages could be garnished in order to help pay for the child's education.

Happy Mandatory Office Meeting Season everyone!

Bubblehead

I know I must be regressive, but I like some Christmas carols, like this one:

We three clods from Omaha are
Spending Christmas Eve in a car
Driving, drinking,
Glasses clinking,
Who needs a lousy bar?

Ohh...
Drink to Charlie. Drink to Paul
Drink to friends we can't recall
Swerving, speeding
Signs unheeding
Drink to anything at all

We three clods are feeling no pain
Drunk as skunks with booze on the brain
Senses losing
'Til we're cruising
Into a wrong way lane

Ohh...
Drink to Melvin. Drink to Fred
Drink to those two trucks ahead
Headlights flashing
Screeching, crashing
Drink till they pronounce us dead

brainsample

" For many Americans, Christmas is a time to reunite with family members and loved ones. But for others, it’s just another reminder of their lonely, fruitless existence. That’s not really a tip. It’s just something I needed to get off my chest."

I feel your pain, Larry. Christmas is the most effective tool the hetero-normative fascists have to keep the progressyves feeling inferior and like they are probably missing out on something.

The solution: Recruit members of the plus-sized lesbian community (I'm talkin' 300 lbs. or better) in your town to demonstrate kama sutra positions while in the nude on Ken and Barbie's well manicured lawn as sort of a post-modern winter solstice ritual. Be sure Ken and Barbie's 2.5 perfect children are watching or the moment will be wasted. That'll throw a bucket of water on their smug holiday spirit.

Cricket

“Santa Claus” is merely a construct of the global capitalist plutocracy to exploit the primitive social-psychological consumptive impulses of the sheeplike masses.

The professym has been playing in the Chomsky again. I am going to do my part to ensure that bovine flatulence and mad cow disease are done away with. We are eating cow this year for the Holiday Feast.
Gaia doesn't have a choice and it is all Bush's fault we can afford chateaubriand.
If I give credit to the Almighty, I know someone will have a litter...oh what the helk. It's Christmas.

MERRY CHRISTMAS to all of you.

The Exorcist

"MERRY CHRISTMAS to all of you."-Crikey!

Not so fast, Cricks.

First of all, stop forcing your religion on Dodger. Secondly, we still have some unfinished business that starts in about 15 minutes, which means it'll be concluded in about 17 minutes.

HELLOOOOO! National O-Day is almost here.

Dom Kinky Bee

My most profound apologies at not being around much the past couple days. I have been swamped with preparations for "Orgasms Across America", which is starting, well, 3 1/2 hours ago on the east coast, and 1/2 hour ago on the west coast. I did want to jump in here real quick and wish everyone a Merry Winter Solstice and Happy Orgasms!!! I should be around more tomorrow, however, I have a feeling I'm going to be exhausted and totally unable to think straight(and maybe not even gay).

Dom Kinky Bee

"elephant semen resting on a dead dog's ass (and who hasn't tasted that a dozen or so times?)"

I must say Crusty Existentialist, it seems your life experiences have been far more vast and varied than mine. I lift my glass to you.

Dom Kinky Bee

STUPID BUSH!! He makes it look like I'm posting in west coast time, and that I'm really stupid and can't tell time. Jerk!

Talking Toaster

Lar,

Can you post a map of all Christmas Nativity Scenes in the West Coast area? This would make it much easier to kick-over... errr... protest.

Gia knows we don’t what Christmas shoved down our collective throats like a huge phalanx in Linda Love Lace.

Methinks

Look people, I've taken time out of my busy schedule spreading holier-than-thouism throughout Africa, to do something I'd never thought I'd do...STAND UP FOR THE RIGHTS THE NAZI CHIMP IS DENYING OUR BRAVE FASCITNISTAS IN HOLLYWEIRD!

oh yoouuu heard me.

According to the rightious and preserved (sort of) Sharon Stone, it's all Bush's fault that her lesbian scene was ruthlessly cut from her latest failed attempt to revive her "career" - Basic Instint, the Snatch Returns. A true soldier, she valiantly made another effort at the Nobel Prize presentation to Mohamed Yunus by upstaging that pesky Norwegian Queen! Unfortunately, the Nazi Bush once again stifled her freedom of expresson by preventing her uncrossing her legs and flashing the assembly her crusty old hooch. We have to seriously ask ourselve what kind of fascist nation we have become when our dictator restricts our personal freedoms so!

Happy Chrismakwanukah to all!

JannyMae

Menu:

Fresh veggie tray with ranch dip.

Meatballs and little wienies.

Honey-baked ham and turkey breast.

Glazed sweet potatoes.

Green bean casserole.

Washed down with homemade eggnog and, "two-buck Chuck!"


Arbiter

I keep screaming at my kids that there is no Santa, and yet year after freaking year that fat jolly old elf keeps bringing them presents!

Why won't those stoopid little tots realize it's a Rove conspiracy!?

camojack

How 'bout booze in the egg nog instead?

Dave

Me and my band "Jump, Little Eichmanns, Jump" will be playing the Upper South Carolina "There are no gifts under the tree because Bu$h/Cheney/Rove stole them to fund their illegal,immoral war for oil and empire in Iraq" winter solstice festival.

Our set list:
"Have yourself a socialist xmas"
"Cheney the oilman"
"Darwin proves that there's no santa"
"the little drummer boy hooked up with Mark Foley"
"Gaia weeps as you buy your xmas tree"
"The manger is empty because mary had the right to choose"
"Xanadu"(Rush cover)
"We three islamic overlords"
"My Shria"(sung to the tune "My Sharona")
"I saw mommy kissing my other mommy under the xmas tree"
"Oh, come let us adore him"(new song about Barack obama)
"Thank you capitalism! No more White Christmas due to global warming"
"Here comes Hillary"
"The homeless are fozen to the sidewalk as you stuff your fat face"
9/11 was a inside job(acoustic)

hope you guys can make to the show. If you can come up with any songs let me know!


Arbiter

Once again, brilliant Dave.

I've got a couple of requests:

"All I want for Solstice are my two front teeth"

"Santa's Baby" [has been aborted] sung to the tune of "Santa Baby"

Che

Happy Orgasmas, everyone!

I was worried that our little Orgasms Across America wasn't going to work out (Imagine throwing a progressyve get-together and nobody comes), but I took matters into my own hands and now the protest is really heating up. Plus I managed to spoil my company KKKristmas potluck at the same time.

Arbiter

Sorry Dave, here are the words for Santa's Baby-

Buh-bum.. buh-bum...
Santa's baby, just slipped your jimmy under the tree, poor me
Been an awful good girl
Santa's baby, no worry going to the clinic tonight

Santa's baby, your brat would have had your eyes, light blue,
I'll wait for you to pay for this mess dear
Santa's baby, so hurry or I'll tell Mrs. Claus tonight

Think of all the fun I've missed,
Think of all the fellows that I haven't kissed
Next year I could be just as good
If you check off my christmas list

Santa's baby, I want a child support thats not a lot
Been thinking of keeping the kid
Santa's baby, so hurry and pay for knocking off the brat

Santa honey, one little thing I really need, Harry Reid's number, I think the baby might have been his.
Santa's baby, so hurry up and pay for it tonight

Santa cutie, and fill my checkbook with cash and cheques,
Sign your x on the line
Santa cutie, hurry or I'll tell Mrs. Claus tonight

Come and trim my coochie tree,
With some decorations bought at Tiffany's
I really do believe in you,
Let's see if you believe in me

Santa baby, forgot to mention one little thing, a ring,
I don't mean on the phone,
Santa baby, so hurry down the chimney tonight

Hurry down the chimney tonight
Hurry, tonight.

Martensul Rainbow

My dissent is being crushed by the Spam Filter!! Help.

Menstrual Rainbow

So the spam filter will let me post under an assumed name, if Bush thinks that will stop me he is mistaken. My comment which I'll now try to resubmit was this. Is it not typical of reich wing hypocrisy that they are quite happy to let Santa Clause do is thing, yet for the other 364 days of the year when we progressisves in NAMBLA are backing the rights of bearded men to break into homes and leave presents for the children they are nowhere to be seen?

Che

"The Little Dumber Boy" (A tribute to W)
"Jarheads in Haditha yelling Open Fire!
"JannyMae With a Hanger" (How the Right to Choose will be preserved when SKKKalia overturns the Constitution)
"Grandma Got Run Over By a Reindeer (After W had too much to drink)"
"Do You Hear What I Hear (Is the NSA Listening To This Call?)
"I Saw Mom Go Down On Santa Clause"
"Bring The Troops Home By Christmas"
And my favorite, "The 12 Days of Winter Solstice:"
12 Dubya's Dumbing
11 Pipes for lighting
10 Laws Repealing
9 Lezzies birthing
8 Medals for Throwing (But someone else's medals, or was it ribbons?)
7 Kennedys Swimming
6 Gays a playing
5 Golden Showers
4 KKKalling Byrds
3 French-Looking Candidates
2 Turn-tail Doves
and Impeachment for Bush and Cheney

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