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Bush4Ever

Is there an election today or sometime soon?

Vishnu Troll Daddy Earth Goddess

GGAAAACK! BY GAIA! The election is TODAY? I thought it was TOMORROW?!?!?!? I've already taken 4 hits and the colors are starting to come and I don't know if I can make it to the polling place before happy puppies floating drifting sailing sunshine under my pillow... I can see my own heartbeat... the dolphins are calling me... what was I going on about? What am I supposed to do tomorrow? Mmmmmm... tofu...

Capt. Queeg

It's all coming true, Lar. Hurricane Karl Rove is now flooding every brown-skinned precinct in the the northwest....

stoorat

*sigh*

Y'know, lately the repugs just haven't been doing enough to raise my blood pressure. And those few places where they are oppressing and...bigoting...and whatnot are always too far away for me to go protest. I tried setting up a bongo protest over the whole Haggard not being put to Death With Dignity thing in my backyard, but it's just not the same as being there in person to throw synthetic pig's blood on representatives of the phallocracy. Plus, the only ones who showed up were the neighbor kid and my dog. And my dog left a...gift...in the grass which the neighbor kid sat in, necessitating his abrupt departure. So yeah, it was a wash.

I haven't had a good protest in weeks. It's starting to affect my...er...love life. Viagra is no substitute for a good old fashioned Teamster picket line.

So. I'm packing my stash of Thunderweed (the good stuff, not the crap I share with my friends) and several bags of Doritos (XTreme Nacho!) and riding my Vespa down to the nearest voting center. It's likely that Rove or Cheney (who's daughter is a lesbian) will show up sooner or later to stuff the ballot box, so I'm gonna toke up and get the protest started. Should be in full swing by the time they sneak in wearing their clever monocle and mustache disguise.

Anybody wanna come with? If the rally is successful enough, we could even go back to my place afterwords and get freaky.

BCMG

We know that if Rethugs win it was stolen and if Dems win then we WIN!

The Exorcist

Vishnu, I'm either drafting off your hallucinations or there was something in the contents of Chad's release that is taking me for a ride on the wild side.

My red is so confident that he flashes trophies of war and ribbons of euphoria

Orange is young, full of daring, but very unsteady for the first go round

My yellow in this case is not so mellow

In fact I'm trying to say it's frigthened like me

And all these emotions of mine keep holding me from
giving my life to a rainbow coalition

Hairy Oregon Earth Mama

How did Bush and the Rove machine suppress the hurricanes this past season? is he only holding them until after the election?? like he has manipulated gas prices???

DonkeyDick

"Religious extremism will continue to stymie important medical research that will save lives and allow Christopher Reeve to walk again."

Yes, but will it help extend the life of our beloved Fidel? (PBUH)

Or bring back Tookie Williams? (PBUH)

Or help Saddam (PBUH) survive a five-foot fall with a rope around his neck?

If not, why bother?

Arbiter

I swear, if my welfare/disability benefits go down again, I'll have to switch to generic cigarettes!!

DonkeyDick

Capt. Queeg wrote: "It's all coming true, Lar. Hurricane Karl Rove is now flooding every brown-skinned precinct in the the northwest...."

True! But have you notice that Evergreen State College is high and dry? Well, maybe not so dry.

I just hope it doesn't flood any Seattle jails, so the felons can exercise their right to vote Democrat.

BCMG

Arbiter - you can sell your food stamps. I do it to get extra money for weed.

Menstrual Rainbow

Sorry, but I've accidently voted for Pat Buchanon again. What makes it even worse is that it was a write in.

UN Doctor

You know why you need the exteme nachos? The MSG just encourages the synaptic frazzling you get...a buzz on the edge of your mellow.

To come down, I recommend some dairy products, like cheesecake or ice cream.

libmeister

I saw a police car drive-by on a street next to a polling place. See, already these fascist, Rethuglikkkan gestapo pigs are trying to intimidate black Democrats to keep them from voting!!!

We must continue speaking truth to power and after tonight we must surrender in Iraq.

Princess Leia in a Cheese Danish Bikini

Sweet Gaia Lar.

You forgot the part about blacks becoming only 3/5 of the person and ten year old girls not being able to cross state lines to get late term abortions without parental consent!

Arbiter

BCMG, thanks! You're a lyfe saver!

Bush4Ever

So, like, this voting thing, it's like when you go somewhere and pick someone who you want to take money from your paycheck and tell you how to live your life?

Vishnu Troll Daddy Earth Goddess

Mmmmmm... nachos... is there tofu in nachos?

The Exorcist

HASTEN to our call for help and snatch from ruination and from the clutches of the noonday devil, this human being made in your image and likeness. Strike terror Lord, into the beast, now laying waste in your vineyard, let your mighty hand cast him out of your servant, Nancy Pelosi, so he may no longer hold captive this person, whom it pleased you to make in your image!

(Tubular Bells playing increasingly louder)

Son of the South ©

Gays will hang from telephone poles or be hung like telephone poles?

Bush4Ever

"HASTEN to our call for help and snatch"

DicKKK Cheney's Lesbian daughter, Mary, who likes other Lesbians, read this and ran out the door.

KomradeKarl

This is a critical time in the history of our country. Democrats have been unable to win political power for a long time. It seems Americans don't like us. It is obvious that this is because Republicans have been lying and cheating to gain the power they now enjoy. It is time to set the record straight on what we Democrats will do when we gain the political power we so desperately crave.

Here is what we progressives and Democrats will do when we win the majority in the House and Senate next week. This is why you must vote for us.

Shift Social Security and Medicare Taxes to the "Rich"

Social Security was, is, and always will be a giant income redistribution scheme designed to create dependency on government and loyalty to the program's Democrat protectors in congress. That is what makes it so great. Democrats will lift the tax burden of the "poor" by eliminating taxes on the first $15,000 of income. The poor will have a completely free ride! They will become life-long, dedicated Democratic voters. It's not going to cost the government money because we will simply raise the salary cap for Social Security taxes by enough to cover the lost revenues which is about $20,000 a year meaning that Social Security taxes will be paid on $100,000.00 a year rather than the $80,000.00 now.

End the home mortgage interest deduction

Only rich people in America own their own home. Home owners need to be taxed more. Home mortgage deduction is nothing more than a government subsidy paid to Americans who have won life's lottery. It is actually a government handout and welfare for the rich. It must be stopped!

Socialized Medicine

Yes, that's right. I said it! Socialize medicine. Stop all this mamby pamby talk and just call it what it is. Health Care makes up about 15% of the U.S. economy. If we Democrats can confiscate this, we will make one giant leap towards bringing Socialism to America in a way that hasn't been seen since the New Deal. Also, we Democrats will gain enormous power over people and their lives. Once we control people's health care we control them! That will be a great
day. Remember, "share not trade" must rule the day for us to keep our political power.

Tax your Pension Funds

Trillions of dollars exist in 401k plans and private pensions. We need to go after it. Democrats will institute a one time tax on these riches. Only rich people in America have such wealth, so we will be taxing the rich to give to the poor. Once we get the one time tax, we will then raise a tax on all contributions to such pension and retirement funds.

Impute income to those who have won life's lottery

If you own a home, you have income that the government isn't taxing. That must be stopped. Therefore, if you own or are purchasing a home, you must have income imputed to you to make up for the wealth your home gives you. I think another $25,000 to $30,000 a year would be a good start. These taxes will go the less fortunate who will trade the handout for votes. Homeowners are not renting their homes. This isn't fair to people who have to rent homes. They don't get homeowner tax deductions like you fat cats. Unlike you, they haven't "won life's lottery," as comrade Dick Gephardt would say.

When you working fat cats fill out your tax return you will have to consult IRS tables and IRS data to determine what a home like yours could be rented for in your neighborhood. If your home would rent for $3,000 and you're paying $2,000 a month to your mortgage company you will have to take the difference ($1,000 a month) and multiply it by 12. This gives you $12,000. That's your imputed income. Combine that with your other earnings and you get your taxable income.

Government provided Childcare

Democrats will create child care with government approved curriculum to make sure your child understands the world the way we want them to. There are too many Christian and Jewish schools interfering with what we want people to know. I assure you, we Democrats will put a stop to it.

Government imposed limits on Income

FDR wanted this, but Republicans have always stood in the way. Once we get control, we will make this happen. Think of it as the government mandated "maximum" wage. All we have to do is tax all income over $100,000.00 a year at 100%.

Repeal the Second Amendment

This error put in our constitution by the founding fathers will finally be corrected.

Fix talk radio

Democrats promise to close down right wing talk radio and subsidize Air America. The "fairness" doctrine will be imposed. We will guarantee fairness in the media by closing down right wing and Libertarian voices who dare speak their dogma in public.

Cut and Run from Iraq

Democrats know that America cannot defend itself. We know that America is a loser nation and a bully. We will pull our troops out of Iraq and leave it to the freedom fighters to liberate. We all know this is why Bush started the Iraq war in the first place. He did so for political reasons. He tells people America can win. We know America can't. We know our troops are too uneducated. That's why Bush gets political points for it and we don't. That's not fair.
As soon as we get the troops home we must immediately petition the World Court to begin the war crimes trials against American soldiers.

Increase Government Funding for Abortions

We Democrats and Progressives know that there has been too few abortions performed in America since Republicans stole power in the 1990's. We need to offer abortions paid for by tax payers to anyone who wants one for any reason at any time.

Kiss and make up with the ACLU and NAMBLA

The Mark Foley scandal really strained our relations (no pun intended) with the ACLU and NAMBLA. We promise to make it up to you when we win back political power.

So, vote Democrat, please?


Please, please, please, please, please!

Komrade Karl

Comrades, this thing ain't over yet! Remember Plan B. Here it is.

Demand that election laws not be enforced.

Complain that there were more pro-Democrat bumper stickers in the polling place's parking lot than pro-Republican bumper stickers showing that Democrat candidates actually won the election. Such solid evidence is proof of fraud on the part of Republicans.

Claim voter intimidation in every precinct possible.

Seek to have every vote that may go for a Republican (like military absentee ballots) thrown out on a technicality.

In the weeks and months after the election we Democrats will show that many people who should not have voted were allowed to vote, and some people who should have been allowed to vote were not allowed to vote.

But, while it is ultimately the fault of Republicans, we will show that clerical errors or errors by the voters or the people who tried to register them in a big hurry is what caused most of the disenfranchisement, and it will have been the conscious efforts of Democrats that allowed those who should not have been allowed to vote to cast ballots that will then be counted (and thus cancel out some of the votes of those who should have been allowed to vote).

Democrats must succeed in disenfranchising large numbers of absentee voters by calling for court challenges. Absentee ballots already mailed out and sent back will be subject to challenge on technical grounds.

Oppose any voting method that is difficult to challenge in court.

Fist of Etiquette

Yeah, I have to say, the first time I voted with these touch screen contraptions, it was tough. But by the fourth or fifth time today it really got easier (except when the fake mustache fell onto the screen and had me accidentally vote for Lynn Swann).

KomradeKarl

Here is some more of what we will do-

Uplift the "Common Good"

We will put religion (meaning Christianity) in its place. We will put an end to the unending ramblings of religious people (meaning Christians) who actually try to adhere to the tenants of their faith through a love and fear of their God. We Democrats know better than that. We don't fear God, we just love him. The only things we fear are Christians and Bush. The right to life, self reliance, self determination, and Sunday school for kids will be relegated to the twisted world of the right wing, extra chromosome (credit to Al Gore) peoples of our country. We Democrats are people of faith too. We are just not dumb enough to
take it seriously. We will institute the faith of the "common good". Let's call it "common-ism" for lack of a better term. Chavez of Venezuela has focused on the "common good" for his people and has had great success. We will do the same.

Protect the wild Insects of Alaska

While we Democrats support China's drilling for oil in as little as less than 100 miles from America's coast lines, we oppose Americans drilling for oil in the most remote and desolate places in the country like the Arctic regions of Alaska. Democrats promise that we will grow America's dependence on foreign oil so we can protect two baby seals and about 100000000000000000000 mosquitoes.

Guarantee that No Americans need die on North Korean soil

Democrats promise to end the strategic missile defense program. President Clinton's policies helped the Democratic Peoples Republic of North Korea produce nuclear weapons. Now, North Korea has missiles to deliver them too. We liberals promise that we will continue to make sure Americans won't have go all the way to Korean to die in a war with North Korea when we permanently close down that stupid missile defense program.

Democrats Will End Illegal Immigration and Eliminate all Illegal Immigrants from U.S. Soil

We Democrats will put an end to illegal immigration by granting unconditional amnesty to every person that has entered the U.S. illegally in the last 30 years.

We will establish an "open border" policy with Mexico that will guarantee that there will never be another illegal alien sneaking in the U.S. ever again by eliminating the laws that classify someone as "illegal". No human is "illegal".


We Democrats Promise to Remove the Gag from the Mouths of Nancy Pelosi, John Kerry, Howard Dean, and Ted Kennedy immediately after The Election

As soon as the election is over, we promise to let Nancy Pelosi, John Kerry, Ted Kennedy, and Howard Dean speak again. We can't afford them spilling the beans on our true plans right now. We must keep the pressure on Republicans with our attacks and smears without letting Americans know what we want to do.

Unprecedented Liberalism, Finally!

We liberals will bring a level of left-wing liberalism that will be unprecedented in the history of the world. We are what Americans want.

Proof is the fact that we have been voted #1 by the dead and homeless every year since 1960. Join the revolution and vote Democrat! Remember, if you are a Democrat supporter, vote early and vote often.

If you want to know the level of liberalism we will bring, just take a look at moveon.org, michaelmoore.com, dailykos.com, and democraticunderground.com.

A life free of exploitation, insecurity, poverty; an end to unemployment, hunger and homelessness.

An end to racism, national oppression, anti-Semitism, all forms of discrimination, prejudice and bigotry. An end to the unequal status of women.

Renewal and extension of democracy; an end to the rule of corporate America and fat cat ownership of the wealth of our nation. Creation of a truly humane and rationally planned society that will stimulate the fullest flowering of the human personality, creativity and talent.

The advocates and ideologues of conservatism hold that such goals are utopian; that human beings are inherently selfish and evil. Others argue that these goals can be fully realized under Republican guidance. We liberals and progressives are confident, however, that such goals can be realized, but only through a majority rule of liberals and progressives like Nancy Pelosi, Ted Kennedy, John Kerry, and great novelists like Jim Webb in congress and the Senate.

We are also endorsed by the communist party USA. Here is what they say - "The Nov. 7 midterm elections are less than six weeks away. The stakes have never been so high: Control of the House and Senate and governorships nationwide. A recent poll shows that 75 percent of voters are disgusted by the Republican majority House and Senate, the highest disapproval rate since 1994. They are frustrated at Bush’s endless Iraq war, by Republican cronyism and corruption, tax giveaways to the rich, cutbacks in vital services, and criminal negligence in the wake of Hurricane Katrina." Source - www.cpusa.org.

End Global Warming

Bush and the Republicans gave us global warming. Therefore, it only makes sense that when we Democrats are in power, we will end it.


We promise to NEVER kill Osama Bin Laden

We Democrats are against the death penalty. Therefore, we will not kill Osama Bin Laden. If he were a fetus we would kill him. But, sadly, he wasn't aborted. However, we do support rehabilitation. We promise to capture Osama Bin Laden and put him in a lush prison cell where we will pamper him for the rest of his life. There will be no Gitmo style prisons when we take over.

Increase Government Funding for Abortions

We Democrats and Progressives know that there have been too few abortions performed in America since Republican stole power in the 1990's. We need to offer abortions paid for by tax payers to anyone who wants one for any reason at any time. We will also make it federal law that underage children be given abortions without parental consent or knowledge. While we believe that children require notes from parents and doctors to take an over the counter pain
reliever, we don't think a simple and safe procedure like an abortion requires such close oversight.

Bring Peace to the Mid-East

We Democrats will bring peace between Palestine and Israel. We will do this by stopping all U.S. aid to Israel. This will prevent them from continuing their war of terror against peace loving Hamas, Hezbollah, Islamic Jihad, Iran, and the PLO.

Put The Boy Scouts of America out of Business

The CSA and BSA are un-American organizations that must be stopped. We pledge to put an end to these evil and dangerous organizations. We will stop their abuse of Government property like Fort AP Hill and public school buildings by making sure they never step foot on it again until John Hemstreet is re-instated and Mark Foley is put behind bars.

Give Income Tax Cuts to the Poorest Americans

We feel that it was unjust to give a big tax cut to rich people and a small tax cut to poor people. Every rich person got a tax cut. Only some of the poor people got a very small tax cut. If someone makes $16,600 annually, they only get a tax break of like $250. The richest 1 percent, with average incomes topping $1.1 million, received over $78,000 in tax cuts. I ask you, is that fair? How can you justify that kind of tax cut? The less money a person makes means they get less in tax cuts? That is the problem! It is unjust and unfair.

When my comrades and I refer to the "poorest Americans", we include those who do not work. Did they get a tax cut? Did Bill Gates get a tax cut? Is that fair? The rich Bill Gates gets a handout from the government while the poorest Americans who don't work go without a tax cut. Can't you see that is wrong?

Comrade Hillary says it best -

"Many of you are well enough off that ... the tax cuts may have helped you. We're saying that for America to get back on track, we're probably going to cut that short and not give it to you. We're going to take things away from you on behalf of the common good."

Ah, the "common good". I mentioned that in an earlier post. I think it was said best as “The common good before the needs of the individual.”

The government, under Bush, let's you keep enough of your own money only if you are rich. If you are poor, Bush's government will not give you enough of the rich people's money.

We will make sure that wealth is redistributed. You will get your handout when we are in power!

Be Nicer to Terrorists

Terrorists attack the U.S. because we are mean to them. We provoke them when we defend ourselves and fight back. We will stop the cycle of violence and offer a truce to all terrorists. We promise to repeal the so called patriot act, end the NSA foreign terrorist wire tapping program, close Gitmo, and cut military spending so much that it will be impossible to defend America again thus ending all possible war mongering from a Republican White House.


Put America in Touch with Hollywood

Americans are out of touch with Hollywood. We will change that. With the help of rich, elitist, and privileged entertainers like Alec Baldwin, Barbara Streisand, Tom Cruise, Michael Moore, the Dixie Chicks, Hugh Hefner, Larry Flint, Chevy Chase and Jane Fonda, we will bring Hollywood values to everyday Americans.


Our Core Values are Your Core Values

We Liberals, Democrats, Progressives, etc. hold these truths to be self evident.

Poverty is caused by the wealthy; the ACLU really cares about individual rights; the Middle East crisis can only be solved once Israel is wiped off the map; the Bible is racist, sexist, and homophobic; Catholic bishops are noble and idealistic when they oppose capital punishment and welfare cuts but dangerous fanatics when trying to promote pro-life;

Christianity and anything relating to it is potentially harmful to you and your children, but we are completely open-minded to Witchcraft, occult-ism, and mysticism;

it takes a village, instead of parents, to raise a child; tolerance of our opinions and acceptance of our opinions go hand-in-hand; Capitalism oppresses people; Teachers should not use the classroom to promote politics, unless the teacher is promoting anti-Conservative agendas, then it becomes a matter of "Free Speech";

the minority should have the right to force their will upon the majority; "unilateral" is defined as "without France, Germany, and Russia"; taxes are too low but ATM fees are too high; Iraq was just a "War for Oil";

Terrorists' hatred of America is justified; People for the American Way care about the American way; Al Franken is insightful; books about "Intelligent Design" should be censored; taking pictures of terrorists in their underwear is torture;

and we whole heartedly support low-income housing, until they start to build it in our neighborhoods.

Impeach George Bush

The Senate is not important to us in this election. Otherwise, you would hear us along with all of our polling companies claiming that we are going to win it.

We need the House. When we Democrats and Independents win the House, we will immediately begin the two year impeachment process of the evil George Bush. Tears of joy are coming to my eyes as I type this. Once we impeach George Bush in September of 2008, we will have enough momentum to give us the Senate and the White-house in the next election. Once we have the power we so desperately crave, we will begin the final stages of turning America into the French style Utopia we know it can be.

This is just the kind of thing this country needs right now. We need the turmoil that only a good, old fashioned Democrat witch hunt can offer. Bush fabricated WMD in Iraq, he fabricated that Saddam was a bad guy, caused Katrina, caused Isabel, his tax cuts caused the most recent shuttle disaster, is Hitler, went AWOL, populated his cabinet with all Republicans, swaggers too much, prays to an invisible God, stole the election twice, caused global warming, urinates on tax payer's time, hid thousands of bodies in New Orleans after Katrina, tried to rape Chancellor Merkel of Germany, and he may have even been behind the 9-11 attacks. Either way, the seriousness of the charges demand impeachment.

Tell Bush, we are going to hold him accountable for his part in 9-11 and all his other cover ups.

Vote for Us because We won't let you die for want of Body parts from other people

If you don't vote Democrat you will get sick, paralyzed, dismembered, and ultimately die for lack of on-demand embryos available for consumption.

While it is true that dead voters play a more important role in the American democratic process every election because they consistently cast their votes for the Democratic Party, please don't take a chance. Vote Democrat this election.

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