Scientists Move Cleland Clock Ahead Three Hours

Bush lashed out at Democrats today, accusing them of being soft on national defense and suggesting they don't have the stomach to fight his silly War on Terror. In response, scientists moved the Cleland Clock ahead three hours.

Since 2000, the Cleland Clock has been a valuable tool to predict when former U.S. Senator and Vietnam War Hero Max Cleland will be wheeled out to denounce the GOP chickenhawks for the cowards they are, or when his name will be invoked by Democrat leaders as evidence of the pointless sacrifices they've made for this imperialist aggressor nation in illegal and immoral wars.

Today’s adjustment will bring the clock to 11:45 pm, the closest it has been to midnight since the 2004 elections, when Cleland’s severed arm and leg both pointed straight up at 12 o’clock right up until the polls were closed.

Comments

[Bush4Ever]

I just love it when Max Cleland sings with the band on South Park!!!

[DonkeyDick]

HIRE THE HANDICAPPED! They're fun to watch.

[Damian G.]

Shouldn't that read: ...Cleland’s severed arm and legs both pointed straight up at 12 o’clock right up until the polls were closed.?

He was "great" on Bill Maher. And his show, too.

[Damian G.]

Shouldn't that read: ...Cleland’s severed arm and legs both pointed straight up at 12 o’clock right up until the polls were closed.?

He was "great" on Bill Maher. And his show, too.

[Damian G.]

Sorry for the double post.

DAMN YOU, BUSH!!!

[MeanviciousRethug]

When are they going to use him as home plate?

[Bush4Ever]

Max Cleland Rocks!!!

[The Exorcist]

So, if I'm to understand this Cleland Clock displaying 11:45 it should go something like this.

His little hand is pointed between the 11 and the 12, and his big hand is pointed at the 9 and.............SAY WHAT??? HOW THE HELL DID HE DO THAT?????

Those Democrat veterans are downright magical in their ability to defy physics, logic and history.

[Bush4Ever]

I was wondering how many Purple Hearts did Max Cleland get? Here he is in a wheelchair and all that. And The Ryghtful President of 2004, Jean Francois Kerry got 3 Purple Hearts and all he can do is snowboard, windsurf, mountain bike & jog. I'm betting that Max got 300 Purple Hearts.

[Kiki Bee]

"when Cleland’s severed arm and leg both pointed straight up at 12 o’clock right up until the polls were closed."

Are we 100% sure those were his arms and legs? Or, did he have THAT blown off, too?

"I'm betting that Max got 300 Purple Hearts"

If he were an appropriately self-rhyteous, martyr-type Progressyve, he would have refused any and all war metals, protested against all wars(including Clintons), or at least thrown his metals over the fence onto the WH lawn. I really think we need to further examine Mr. Cleveland's motives, and make sure he isn't a ResKKKunKKKiKKKan in crippled clothing.

[camojack]

Unfortunately, Max Cleland really hasn't got a leg to stand on...as 'twere.

[Speaks Truth to Chimps]

I think the Cleland Clock estimate is wildly underestimated. Today I heard on the radio a quote from a Repuke about the Muslim Freedom Fighter Interrogation Bill saying, "We don't want to treat these terrorists like they were just caught chewing gum in class." Followed by Nancy Pelosi (PBUH) saying, "How DARE you imply that Democrats want to treat terrorists like they were only chewing gum!"

I, for one, am delighted that The Party of Peace is finally going after Big Gum. And of course we're only creating more gum chewers by being in Iraq.

Support the troops! Bring them home and have them tried for war-crimes!

[Fist of Etiquette]

I thought at the end of Cleland Saving Time we set the clocks back.

[Bush4Ever]

"I thought at the end of Cleland Saving Time we set the clocks back."

The clocks were set back in the year 2000 to the age of slavery...and you know what I'm talkin' about!!!

[libmeister]

I stand up ... er, I unite with Max Cleland in criticizing this immoral and illegal Bu$Hitler war. And obviously it was a vast right-wing Halliburton conspiracy that had the evil military industrial complex manufacture a handgrenade that Mr. Cleland "just happened" to come into possession of which eventually turned him a legless caricature of his former self.

Of course it didn't help that Cleland had removed the pin and was absent-mindedly playing with it (Rovian Mind Control Rays even in the 1960s?) when he dropped it.

[Dodger]

In light of this, I feel the only way to turn back the clock is to surrender in Iraq.

[Talking Toaster]

How many more limbs must Max Cleland lose before Bush is denied this 3rd term in office and Hillary claims her rightful seat in the White House?

Is it 2, 4, or 18?

When will we surrender in Iraq?

[Neocon-pincher]

What happens when the Cleland clock hits 12?

Does his head come off?

[Arbiter]

I can't wait for Sharia law to be the law of the land in this country. Cleland's head will be severed from his neck because he's an infidel and his body will finally have perfect symmetry.

CAIR will once again show us the tolerance of the religion of peace, and Jimmah Carter's dream of an islamic state will be realized...

[libmeister]

I bet Jimmy Carter is so progressyve that he's willing to teach Sunday school in an Islamic madrassa. The first lesson would be: How Christians Should Be The Servants Of Muslims, Bringing Peace To The World.

Can't we all just get along?

[Bush4Ever]

"In light of this, I feel the only way to turn back the clock is to surrender in Iraq."

Wow!! I was just thinking the EXACT SAME THING but got distracted by some Re-Thug co-worker who just said something about DicKKK Cheney having a daughter who is a Lesbian who likes other Lesbians.

[Arbiter]

Bush4Ever, did your co-worker have any pictures of this Cheney/Lesbian/Lipstick/Daughter orgie? (for evidence...)

[Dave]

I will never forget the day that Max Cleland(who fought in vietnam,BTW)was on CSPAN talking to the many every-day people who hold him up as a rightful,progressive hero. He was asked by the host what was he going to do with the rest of the day and he said that he was going to the vietnam memorial to visit his fallen band of brothers, and then go and buy a nice pair of shoes.

C-span took one more call for the hero that stood toe to toe with the vietcong(but understanding the whole time that we were the bad guys in that fight)and that mean-spirted, rethug, bitch Ann KKKouter called in asked him how did he wear out first pair of shoes, him being in a wheel-chair and all....

I hate rethughs.

[Arbiter]

That's soooo like Ann. You forgot to mention she called him "Stumpy" during that call... He was classy all the way with his response: "I thought I'd buy you some hot pink high heels to match your hussy mini-skirt you skanky whore!"

Man, I really love being a progressyve. We get free money from a government which we hate, people always feel sorry for us because we're oppressed, and the DMV gives me a kick ass placard because I was able to type us a phony "disable" letter.

[Dave]

The best thing about being a progessive is NEVER having to say that your are sorry or wrong about anything, Arbiter!