ABC Fascists Rethink Partisan Attack

Democrat leaders are furious over an upcoming ABC dramatization of the 9/11 tragedy that unfairly portrays President Clinton as too distracted by Monica Lewinsky to pursue Osama Bin Laden. It's clearly a partisan attack, intended to divide Americans at a time they should all be uniting behind Democrats. As President, Bill Clinton was perfectly capable of both defending this nation from terrorists AND ejaculating all over the hired help. That's what true leadership is all about. Madeline Albright and others who worked with The Man from Hope insist that given the opportunity, a court-issued warrant, permission from the International Community, a green-light from the ACLU, and a thumbs-up from the public opinion polls, there's nothing that would have stopped him from going after Osama Bin Laden. They are demanding that ABC scrap the miniseries entirely, for while installing porn filters on library computers will lead us down the path to totalitarianism, censorship to protect Bill Clinton's legacy from right-wing smearmongers is essential for a healthy democracy.

In the spirit of national unity, ABC has agreed to remove any footage that makes Clinton or members of his cabinet look like ineffectual boobs. The new, more historically accurate movie will be five minutes long with 6 hours of commercials. In the drama's only scene, a senile, doddering Ronald Reagan is discouraged from capturing Osama Bin Laden by a domineering Nancy Reagan who, on the advice of her astrologer, instructs him instead to lay flowers on Hitler's grave and then beat up some queers for Jesus.

Democrat leaders concede that while the revised film takes some liberties with the facts, it captures perfectly the essence of the Reagan presidency and should air in its entirety. They furthermore encourage anyone wishing to learn what REALLY went on in the Clinton White House to urge their local libraries remove the porn filters from their computers so they can Read More About It.

Comments

[danisronin]

FIRST!! How can this be? FIRST after so much watching of this site? I'm a white male with a 4 year degree, it isn't fair that I'm first!

did I mention I am heterosexual AND married? Let the unaborted fetuses of my wife never find out about this!
I am not worthy!

[Damian G.]

a green-light from the ACLU, and a thumbs-up from the public opinion polls

Wouldn't one cancel out the other?

[camojack]

In the spirit of national unity, ABC has agreed to remove any footage that makes Clinton or members of his cabinet look like ineffectual boobs.

So, they won't be appearing in the movie at all, then?

[Queers 4 Jesus]

Nancy Reagan who, on the advice of her astrologer, instructs him instead to lay flowers on Hitler's grave and then beat up some queers for Jesus.

I am deeply offended.

[Chairman Me]

Don't you see, Larry. By spraying pearl drops all over Monica, Bill was stiking a...er...blow for secularism. Think of it as the juicy sweet nut of liberty. I do--over and over again.

[Rocky Mtn. Lionesssss]

It's a scarey world when there isn't ONE 'news' network that the Shrubinator doesn't have in his hip pocket! Al Jazeera being the most recent to land there. *shudder*

Rightful 2000 President Al Gore's thriving network might be our only ray of hope. Surely, Michael Mooooore is more than willing to put together a "truthier truth" suckumen..err..crocumen...
.uhmm..mockumen..err..documockery with close ups of the Shrub flying the planes into the towers. Why do you think Dumbya even spent any time in T.A.N.G. It certainly wasn't to "serve" this horrific country!!

[Dodger]

If this fairy tale actually gets on the air, I feel we will have no choice but to surrender in Iraq.

[Fist of Etiquette]

The truth about how the Clinton Administration handled OBL and terrorism is an open book. This miniseries could have been a visual historic document instead of a hack job, if ABC had bothered to check the facts in Sandy Berger's pants.

[Menstrual Rainbow]

As Madelaine "not at" Albright has explained on several occasions they had spent all their tome preparing a plan to catch Osama Bin Laden but it was only finished in January 2001 when Chimpy invaded the White House and mistook it for the instructions for the toaster manual. The rest is history.

[Bush4Ever]

Please tell me that they are leaving in the scenes where Jean Francois Kerry commandeers a swift boat and rescues people from the WTC before it collapses while announcing to the world that DicKKK Cheney's daughter, Mary, is a Lesbian who likes other Lesbians.

[Dave]

Some other parts that should be in the moive.

where cheney screams "I said blow the bulidings!, or I'll shoot you in the face with this shotgun!!!"

where the FBI finds haliburton ID's on the "hijackers" (who are all blue eyed and blond haired and are pentecostal snake handlers)

As the second tower goes down in the background, Bu$h turns to cheney and says , "well, you can have your Illeagal, Immoral, war for oil and empire!"

as Clinton is getting his morning blow job, he turns on the TV and sees the second plane hit the tower. He screams, "I warned them! I warned them! No baby, daddy does not want you to stop"

Bush calling the leader of Israel on 9/12 to get more orders from his zionist masters.

Sandy Berger taking doucuments from the national archives that the bu$hbots placed in to make the Clinton administration look bad.

Where Bu$h was so pissed less african-americans died on 9/11 than whites. and then his staff consoled him by reminding him that he gets to kill lots them by blowing the dykes in New Orleans in 2005.

Remember kids, if we progressives keep you from seeing a movie, it's for your own good. But if a rethug tries to keep you from seeing one, it's an assault on the constitution!

[jainphx]

Movies that the rethugs are releasing.1 the war record of Jean Francwaw Kerry.2 Hillarys hidden love life.3 The real story of waco. Propaganda movies to try to steal the elections away from the progrestives before the election instead of after.

[JannyMae]

"...given the opportunity, a court-issued warrant, permission from the International Community, a green-light from the ACLU, and a thumbs-up from the public opinion polls, there's nothing that would have stopped him from going after Osama Bin Laden."

Pure genius!

[The Exorcist]

"Remember kids, if we progressives keep you from seeing a movie, it's for your own good. But if a rethug tries to keep you from seeing one, it's an assault on the constitution!"--Dave

Truer words have never been spoken, Wavy Davy.

After all, TV land, Hollywood and make-believe are our domain. The rethugs already have family, religion, money, property, values, hope, happiness and one cable channel. Can't they just let us monopolize one thing in this miserable life we're left to suffer through?

[Rocky Mtn. Lionesssss]

Off topic, but I'm concerned! I do hope these 200 French troops who have joined "peacekeepers" in Lebanon are cognisant of the environment, recycling, hemp and such. 200 flags worth of white cloth is a whole massive mess of fabric AND bleach!

And now we returned you to your regularly scheduled program of EXPOSING fascist ABC & all the other Bu$h worshipping networks!

[Winston O'Boogie]

ABC? Shouldn't they change the first letter? Liberal Broadcasting? Fiction Network? Come on Yanks. Recall what your Abraham Lincoln, the first rethug said:

We, the American People… find ourselves in the peaceful possession of the fairest portion of the earth, as regards extent of territory, fertility of soil, and salubrity of climate. We find ourselves under the government of a system of political institutions, conducing more essentially to the ends of civil and religious liberty, than any of which the history of former times tells us…We toiled not in the acquirement or establishment of them -- they are a legacy bequeathed us, by a once hardy, brave, and patriotic, but now lamented and departed race of ancestors. Theirs was the task (and nobly they performed it) to possess themselves, and through themselves, us, of this goodly land; and to uprear upon its hills and its valleys, a political edifice of liberty and equal rights; 'tis ours only to transmit these, the former, unprofaned by the foot of an invader…to the latest generation that fate shall permit the world to know. This gratitude to our fathers, justice to ourselves, duty to posterity, and love for our species in general, all imperatively require us faithfully to perform.

How then shall we perform it? -- At what point shall we expect the approach of danger? By what means shall we fortify against it? -- Shall we expect some transatlantic military giant to step the Ocean, and crush us at a blow? Never! -- All the armies of Europe, Asia and Africa combined, with all the treasure of the earth (our own excepted) in their military chest; with a Bonaparte for a commander, could not by force, take a drink from the Ohio, or make a track on the Blue Ridge, in a trial of a thousand years. At what point then is the approach of danger to be expected? I answer, if it ever reach us, it must spring up amongst us. It cannot come from abroad. If destruction be our lot, we must ourselves be its author and finisher. As a nation of freemen, we must live through all time, or die by suicide.

[JannyMae]

Oh lookie! Another sock-puppet!

[Speaks Truth to Chimps]

When I first heard that Hitler had ordered his evil KKKon$ervative Reich-Wing Na$i minion$ at Di$neyBurton-owned KKKBC to show a "doKKKudrama" about 9/11 that doesn't even show Bu$hHitlerReichsChimpenFuehrerBurton personally flying the planes into the towers himself, I was going to boycott RicKKKy Rat forever!

Now that they're apparently going to show that 9/11 was a giant conspiracy dating all the way back to Abraham Lincohen, that includes all of the Zionist bigoted homophobic racists that have comprised the RepugnantKKKan party from day one, it looks like my (unfortunately) unaborted post-fetus will have a merry winter solstice after all.

[Speaks Truth to Chimps]

2 new slogans that will sweep the Democrats into power in November and beyond:

"We're finally trying Marxism the correct way."

"Returning America to the glory days of Stalinism."

[Fist of Etiquette]

Well, this is all moooooot anyway. It looks like the president decided that if the Dems got ABC to chop up their precious docudrama, he was going to go in slicing a huge hunk out of the middle himself. He is planning to take over the airwaves Monday night at 9:00PM EDT. That means a good bit of the country is going to see Harvey "I was just reading from the script" Keitel interrupted mid-sentence.

[libmeister]

Everyone knows ABC, CBS, NBC, PBS, NPR, and CNN are all reich-wing sock puppets for der Chimperor Bushmeister. Sig Heil!

[libmeister]

Some kkkonservative Rethuglikkkan Bushbot mewled that ABC and Disney Corp are essentially owned and run by progressyves. What neo-kkkon Zionist kkkrap! And even if it's true, we know anything remotely critical of our beloved Bill Clinton has to be a lie of the vast reich-wing conspiracy.

But seriously, I feel those in charge, whether progressyves or kkkonservatives, are probably being affected by the Rovian Mind Control Rays. That's why informed Americans like us (who SUPPORT THE STORMTROOPERS) can't stress too often the need for progressyves everywhere, even in the smoke-filled board rooms of ABC, TO ALWAYS WEAR THEIR TINFOIL HATS FOR GAIA'S SAKE!

Damn that Bu$Hitler!

[Bush4Ever]

I was downloading some free music, a 1982 concert by The Clash, when it hit me that we Lyberals, I mean, Progressyves, should just let ABC do what it wants. That was when I realized that my tinfoil helmet had slipped off and KKKarl Rove was, once again, trying to get kkkontrol of my mind.

[Princess Leia in a Cheese Danish Bikini]

In the drama's only scene, a senile, doddering Ronald Reagan is discouraged from capturing Osama Bin Laden by a domineering Nancy Reagan who, on the advice of her astrologer, instructs him instead to lay flowers on Hitler's grave and then beat up some queers for Jesus.

At last! The emotional truth can be told!

Praise be to Gaia.

Excuse me while I go ovulate synchronistically with my sisters in the moonlight.

[ponytailed guy]

"If destruction be our lot, we must ourselves be its author and finisher." - WOB

Don't you see that's what us libz are trying to do?