Paul Wolfowitz. Ari Fliescher. Gail Norton, Andy Card. Bush’s once faithful entourage of brownshirts is deserting him like Nazi rats from a sinking U-boat. Last week, Scott McClellan resigned in disgrace as well, leaving the position of White House Press Secretary up for grabs.
It’s an important job; one that requires a deep appreciation how vital a room full of screeching, hysterical journalists is to our democracy. As the person charged with carefully listening to the press and then informing the President of their wishes and needs, a White House Press Secretary must be more than a partisan mouthpiece for the Shrub, and possess the clarity of mind to see through Bush’s web of lies unbound by the restrictive shackles of reality.
Folks, the job has Helen Thomas’ name written all over it.
But instead of the Great Dane of the White House Press Corps, Bush gave us Tony Snow, a Faux News propagandist and right-wing hate radio jock who conceals his deep hatred for all living things with a frustrating veneer of good-natured optimism. The appointment amounts to little more than a slap in Thomas' face. After 175 years of hounding American presidents like a bad case of genital warts, she gets passed over in favor of a fascist TV toady who’ll monopolize all the attention at her morning press briefings.
I doubt he'll even observe the tradition of giving Helen the last word. Heck, he’ll probably interrupt her speeches to take phone calls from his listeners.
The fact that he didn't even consider offering the job to Dan Rather shows that Bu-shaitan isn't interested at all in telling the truth to the sheeple.
Posted by: Bubblehead | April 26, 2006 at 11:21 PM
Is this what he calls being a "uniter and not a divider?" It'd be nice if he didn't just discount the people who didn't vote for him as not mattering at all (as he obviously has by listening to the "electorate" and not pandering to the victory-challenged)!
Posted by: Dork | April 26, 2006 at 11:31 PM
Well, the Rovian Mind Control Rays got to me, and I actually turned on Faux News last night. I saw one of those brave freedom fighters on there last night. I don't recall his name. I will describe him for you. Very, very hirsute(hair on shoulders and back), moustache, heavy-set. He is the one who looks like a NYC slum lord. Anyway, as I saw him, I started developing evil thoughts, just like a RethugliKKKan would.*note to self: go buy more medicinal marijuana* I began to realize that my thoughts were turning to perfect ways to torture these brave me, and I had no control over them. I figured we could get these terrorists...I mean, freedom fighters *fight it, Kiki, fight it* to spill the beans with a shoulder and back WAX! If they still resisted our efforts to get them to talk, then we move on to the ball and Butt crack wax. They will be singing like canaries after that. Crap! I bet they would even give their to us for FREE!!! They would potentially sell their mothers souls to the devils to avoid a butt and ball wax.
Posted by: Kiki B. | April 26, 2006 at 11:36 PM
"brave me" translation, "Brave Men"
"I bet they would even give their to us for FREE!!!" translation: "I bet they would even give their oil to us for FREE!!!"
Stupid mind control rays!!
Posted by: Kiki B. | April 26, 2006 at 11:38 PM
OH MY GOD!!! What's next? Bill O'Reilly as Secretary of Education?! He'll spread his Reich-Wing Hateful Evil Hate-Filled Philosophy throughout our schools just like THESE HATEFUL EVIL HATE-FILLED REICH-WING BU$HITLERITES!!!
Posted by: Bush4Ever | April 27, 2006 at 02:43 AM
Oh yeah, Faux News' days are numbered! When the Goddess of SPEAK TRUTH TO POWER, Katie Couric, takes over at CBS, she'll bury them. I'm moving to Texas and opening a Kinko's just to help her get The Truth out.
Posted by: Bush4Ever | April 27, 2006 at 02:45 AM
"Katie Couric,...she'll bury...The Truth..."
See how easy it is? Heck, I should have been press secretary.
Posted by: Fist of Etiquette | April 27, 2006 at 04:27 AM
Like some kind of Arctic chimp who's been saving his weapon in the freezer since our Global Warming-shortened winter ended on January 3rd, the 'President' just blindsided the nation with a snowball in April. It's not one of those nice, fluffy ones either. It's a 'slushy' with bits of chunky mud and jagged ice in it, and with the lack of single-payer healthcare and drycleaning, the nation now has frostbite and stubborn mud stains which never do come out added to its ever-growing list of hardships.
Posted by: Moonchild | April 27, 2006 at 04:32 AM
OH MY GOD!!! What's next? Bill O'Reilly as Secretary of Education?!
I was thinking that Limbaugh could be the next Drug Czar, G. Gordon Liddy for Director of the FBI, and Pat Buchanan to direct the Death Camps.
This guy doesn't have a snowball's chance in Kyoto of making it through his Senate confirmation hearings. Our side can still fillibuster to stop him!
Posted by: Che | April 27, 2006 at 05:56 AM
At least when the Zionist inspired Neo-KKKONs give the press a Snow job now it will at least perfectly manifested in their new Mouth Piece.
You know how the chimpy one loves the snow. His college roommate said so.
I think they should give the Sec. of the press a special uniform to wear like the Surgeon General. Maybe something from Gilbert and Sullivan with Epaulets.
Posted by: Mother of all Blog Pimps | April 27, 2006 at 06:15 AM
♫♪ Let it Snow, let it Snow, let it Snow... ♪♫
(Sounds like a great idea for a song!!!)
Posted by: camojack | April 27, 2006 at 06:17 AM
It seems The Shrub isn't even TRYING not to be obvious anymore. Tony SNOW?...as in SNOW JOB? Duhh....We can't see right through that? Especially after self glaucoma medicating...?
Not to mention...none of the other Supreme Court Justices have even announced their retirement and Dumbya's already announced a replacement???? WTH?
"The appointment amounts to little more than a slap in Thomas' face. After 175 years of hounding American presidents...."
Just goes to show you that Dumbya is also a womyn abuser. Reliable rumor has it that Ms. Helen of Troymas spent much of those 200 years being beat with what I hear called an Ugly Stick. Is that cuz she bears the brunt of sticking it to em when she exposes all the ugly of the (Rethug) Presidents?
My feelings about it?..Laura Stepford Wyfe Bush told The Shrub, in no uncertain terms, he was NOT to jeopardize their (sham of a) marriage by hiring the Thomas Temptress.
After all, what man in his right mind wouldn't be distracted from business at hand by her?
I must go commiserate with my sage peeps at DUnderground. I have no doubt they're feeling badly about this latest chill wind appointment.
Posted by: RoCkY mTn LiOnEsS | April 27, 2006 at 06:21 AM
A slap in Helen Thomas' face would be like punching Jello® - it'd be weeks before the ripples damped down.
Oh, Che, White House Press Secretary isn't a position requiring Senate confirmation. No Democratic grandstanding this time. Sorry.
Posted by: aelfheld | April 27, 2006 at 06:22 AM
Can't wait until the groovy and progressive talking head, Al Franken, becomes the spokespersyn for the Democratic Party. We'll really show them then!
Posted by: libmeister | April 27, 2006 at 06:26 AM
Oh, Che, White House Press Secretary isn't a position requiring Senate confirmation. No Democratic grandstanding this time. Sorry.
aelfheld, what's that got to do with anything? We can still try to fillibuster the nomination as a matter of principle. And then our side can go before the news cameras and say this is just one more reason why we should surrender in Iraq.
Posted by: libmeister | April 27, 2006 at 06:29 AM
No wonder the Muslim Freedom Fighters are so ready and willing to die for Allah!
Wouldn't you?
Posted by: Wilderness Fox | April 27, 2006 at 06:39 AM
Oh, Che, White House Press Secretary isn't a position requiring Senate confirmation.
Isn't that just like Chimpy McSmirkyfuhrer to circumvent the will of the people. KKKarl Rove probably didn't have to win the Kennedy stamp of approval, either. Or the First Lady. Or Barney. Fascist!
No Democratic grandstanding this time.
That remains to be seen.
Posted by: Che | April 27, 2006 at 07:16 AM
"White House Press Secretary isn't a position requiring Senate confirmation."
It should be. Our Rightful President, Jean Francois Kerry, could then vote for the confirmation before he voted against it!!
Posted by: Bush4Ever | April 27, 2006 at 07:31 AM
"then we move on to the ball and butt crack wax. They will be singing like canaries after that"
Kiki? Are you feeling better now, hon? You're scaring us all just a bit. Can I get you a decaf carmel mocha latte?
Oh darn! Sorry for the "hon." That was sexist and diminutive. Typical white male callousness. I'm so dreadfully sorry.
Posted by: Neocon-pincher | April 27, 2006 at 08:55 AM
After Bush's illegal war for oil in Iraq, surely there is an obvious man with experience to take on the job, a man who lost his old job because of the Haliburton oil grab- Mohammed Saeed al-Sahhaf.
Posted by: Menstrual Rainbow | April 27, 2006 at 08:59 AM
Did you know that Mr. Snow once implied that there wasn't any African origin to Kwanzaa? That it might have been started by some American guy, Ron Karenga? What a hatemonger!
Posted by: Bush Caused My Gout | April 27, 2006 at 09:11 AM
I have not been posting lately here because I have been on a tour of cuba and venezuela with my band jump, little eichmans, jump. We might get the friday music gig on the today show!!!!
Tony Snowjob is a jew loving nazi. just like Joseph Goebbels.
He should be answering real questions like "when are we going to surrender to our islamic overlords"? "when will Bu$h have to stand before the world court for his crimes" "is capitalism a tired ideal"? questions like that. real questions!
Posted by: dave | April 27, 2006 at 09:18 AM
Inhale. When will this Bush crap ever end. This man has no concern for anytone that is not in his Circle of Trust. I just heard that he allowed some sports agent to give his parents a house rent free for a year. What's up with that? Doesn't the ex-pres make enough money on his oil dividends and CIA pension? I also heard that Bush is involved in some draft event this weekend...this is what I have been telling everone...first a war..then a draft....I think Bush should be the first one drafted. Exhale...gotta go now.
Posted by: mclaw | April 27, 2006 at 10:06 AM
When good ol' Shrubya lied to our wonderful MSM about Snow Job's qualifications, he neglected to mention one little known Fact about Bu$Hitler's latest crony...
Posted by: Arbiter | April 27, 2006 at 10:19 AM
Snow Job's first day on the job and look at what he has The Evilest Of All Evil Men doing...DAMN THAT KKKARL ROVE!!! He has used his Evil Mind KKKontrol TricKKKs to turn a group on normally well-behaved, polite, and gentle young men into profane thugs!!! When will this all end? Can 2008 come too quickly?
Posted by: Bush4Ever | April 27, 2006 at 10:38 AM