Whiny Kids Become Conservatives, Study Reveals

A recent study at my ol' Alma Mater has concluded that when whiny kids grow up, they become conservatives. When they don’t, they become liberals. Like Nazi mosquitoes to a right-wing bug zapper, weak-minded, insecure children find themselves attracted to the rigid structure that an oppressive world of moral absolutes, strict gender roles, and strong family values can provide. Kids who don’t give a rat’s ass about any of those things naturally gravitate towards the more enlightened left side of the political spectrum.

This comes as no surprise to those of us who have had to put up with bellyaching conservatives for years now. Just the other day, a bunch of us at Seattle Hemp Products were discussing how miserable our lives had become since Bush stole the election and started forcing brain dead Florida lesbian couples to collect cans off the side of the road to pay for their botched back alley abortions, and how that bastard Larry O'Farrell in Accounting kills an AIDS infected baby fur seal every time he gasses up his brand new Chevy Blazer. Suddenly, Alan Murvine in Accounts Receivable popped his red, puffy face out of his cubicle and rudely demanded we quit our “pathetic sniveling” and shut our “greasy, liberal cakeholes”.

Well, I assure you I had no idea that there was a right-wing sissy boy in our midst, and when I informed the vice president of how distraught we all were by Murvine’s insensitive remarks, the intolerant neo-con was summarily dismissed.

Now if we could only do something about the smokers in Shipping.

Comments

[Fist of Larry]

Does anyone have a link to the actual study?

I tried to find it, but I guess the Bong Hits were still making me confused, as I couldn't find it...

By the way... FIRST!

[Bubblehead]

FOL -- That &*)*(&) $%#&&^ *&)%&^ Michelle Malkin has the whole study up; I won't link to her. Still, I suspect the accuracy of this study; since all true progryssyves abort their fetuses, by definition all children are born to KKKonservatives, and are therefore whiny.

[aelfheld]

I thought smokers were the innocent victims of the tobacco companies; shouldn't you be trying to do some sort of group hug or stuff with them?

[Doubleu]

The study was done at Berkley by Berkley Professors, on various members of the Berkley staff so you know without a doubt the study was accurate.

[camojack]

You want a little cheese with that whine?

[marc]

Yargh, that Murvine has always been trouble. I tried to warn him what would happen to him if he didn't change his ways by clubbing my older brother Paul with my cast when I was in kindergarten, but he apparently he just wouldn't learn.

[Moonchild]

Insecure repug children lead to civil rights violations, environmental destruction, and a lessening of individual freedoms. Let me explain.

Repug insecurities lead to such things as the Department of Homeland 'Security' and the National 'Security' Agency. These are used to compensate for baseless repug fears. This in turn gives insecure repugs the power to crash through my door when my new friend Achmed and I are setting up his neat hooka pipe while he screams Arabic into the phone which is dialed into a conference call in Damascus, Kashmir, and Tehran.

These nuts violated my rights by destroying my door, destroy the environment since I now have to replace the door with valuable Gaia-given resources, and circumvent my freedom to see how concentrated the smoke from a hooka pipe can get, not to mention the quashing of Achmed's right to speak freely with his comrades back home. Insecurity = Repug. QED.

[Bush4Ever]

MoxieGrrrl's a Conservative?

[Bilgeman]

LibLarry;

"Now if we could only do something about the smokers in Shipping."

and;

"shouldn't you be trying to do some sort of group hug or stuff with them?"

Have you ever tried farting through a bong, Chom-steen?

I've never tried a group hug.

Tell ya what, if you want to help me experience a "group hug", I'll fix it so that you fart through a bong.

Howzaboutit?

Toke it up?

Regards;

[OmarTheTentMaker]

Larry-What are those Nazi's smoking in Shipping? Shut your pie-hole never hurt anyone before.

[ponytailed guy]

When we liberals devote every waking moment to complaining and protesting about everything under the sun we're not whining. We're speaking truth to power.

[BU$hCausedMyGout]

So true! The Neo-cons have no plans - they just complain about what the left wingers in Congress are doing. That's all they've got. That's their total message.

[opinionatedinjerzee]

nice to see another bush hater.. i just put some funny pics of him on my blog today!!

[libmeister]

I hate to repeat the now obvious fact that apparently the little rug rats were the offspring of liberal Berkley professors who somehow escaped abortion.

Ooops, I see Bubblehead is blazing the trail on this angle.

[dave]

My brothers who got rich of the sweat of the poor, told me that repukes's get all their whining out while they are young and lib's whine when they are older.

Then my dad, who also has his foot on the neck of the black man, told me this hatefilled/hurtfull joke.

What's the difference between an marxist and someone that don't belive in marxism?

The person that is an marxist has a house full of books on marxism.

The person that does'nt belive in marxism has a house full of books on marxism and has read them.

I wonder if he'll be smiling when he's on the boxcar going to the work camp?

[Bush4Ever]

Armed with this new, explosive information, does anyone else here think we should send DicKKK Cheney's daughter, who is a Lesbian, to the UN to hand-deliver our Iraqi Surrender Agreement?

[OmarTheTentMaker]

Send her to the Greek Island of Lesbos!!!

[Bush4Ever]

"Send her to the Greek Island of Lesbos!!!"

If we want her to suffer, then we should send her to either the Greek island of Homos or to Tom Cruise's house.

[Joatmoaf]

The study was done at Berkeley.

It was done on the children of Berkeley staff and employees at the equvalant of their day care center.

What's it like to be a 3, 4 or 5 year old and to be followed around by someone in a lab coat with clipboard in hand, all day?

Only the childrem of 91% liberal professors can tell us that.

Could they be whiny because they think it's abnormal for Professors Mom and Dad to prance around naked all the time?
Or maybe they don't like they way Profs. Mom and Dad always seem to smell like week old sweat and burnt leaves.
It might have something to do with the weekend binge drinking/orgies by gray haired, bald headed hippies that these children have to witness.

Maybe the kids might actually want to take a bath more than once a month.

It's possible that they don't have the Phrench gene and are therefore not afraid of soap.

Or it could be that the researchers, and their assistants all have their own unique, rediculous social/psycho theory they are trying to prove so of course their findings will support their theory?

NAH!!! It couldn't be anything like that.

[Dork]

nice to see another bush hater.. i just put some funny pics of him on my blog today!!
Posted by: opinionatedinjerzee

...
...
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...Bush sucks.

[Bush4Ever]

"nice to see another bush hater.. i just put some funny pics of him on my blog today!!"

Yes!! Excellent pix of Der ChimpenReichsFuhrer in all his pongid glory!! Keep SPEAKING TRUTH TO POWER Jersey Girl!!! Do you have one of Bu$Hitler eating a banana?

[Dork]

OR A PRETZEL!

[HempMaster]

Greetings fellow progressyves!! Long time reader first time poster, I just wanted to post on this topic and show that once again this proves that only progressyve pyrsons are fit to run this fascist jackbooted country, after all a true progressyve knows how to be "independent" and "free spirited", and there for not be judgemental and allow a true lyberal society of anything goes! Remember to return Hilliary/Bill to their rightful throne in 08! The true "Anything Goes" combo! Oh by the way, I just heard a rumor that Dick "Guns Blazing" Cheney's daughter is a lesbian?!

[Dork]

She's a lesbian?! Hahahaha! That'll teach that snarling gun-freak!

[DU Gurl]

Why is it that every time evidence is presented to support our claims about the right wing someone always has to try and dis-claim or deny it through LIES???

This was a legitimate, long term and ongoing research project. I know because I was a researcher in it.
I have been studying at Berkeley for almost 13 years and I'll have my Associates in Humanities in only 2 more years.
You leeve the good people at Berkeley alone. They are profetionals.