Uncle Dick's Wacky Hunting Adventure

If Dick Cheney had consulted Sarah Brady before his wild quail hunting safari last weekend, he would have known that firearms were dangerous. It was a lesson she learned the hard way when her husband was gunned down by Chuck Heston in 1981. But off the Great White Hunter went anyway, traipsing across the wilds of North Carolina like Ernest Bleeping Hemingway through the Serengeti, and several innocent quail paid the price for his ignorance.

In his crazed blood lust, Cheney (whose daughter is a lesbian) also wounded a fellow hunter, but never bothered to report the incident to Maureen Dowd. If the media covers the story with the rabid fervor of liberal hysteria it deserves, it has the potential to evolve into a scandal that can destroy Cheney’s 2008 White House bid, and will most suredly bode well for gun safety advocates like Al Gore and John Kerry. However, I’m going to wait for Ted Kennedy to weigh in on this whole issue before commenting any further.

The quail have been listed in critical yet stable condition at an undisclosed veterinary clinic, doing remarkably well considering they were just shot out of the sky by a sneering gorilla with an elephant gun. Volunteers from PETA are standing guard should Cheney make another attempt on their lives.

Comments

[Menstrual Rainbow]

The popular, progressyve blogger Atrios has discovered a Rovian plot-

http://atrios.blogspot.com/2006_02_12_atrios_archive.html#113983909053475352

Cheney shot him with a GUN not a WATER SPRAY as they tricked us into believing.

[Bush4Ever]

DicKKK Cheney's daughter is from Lebanon?

[Che]

As a concerned citizyn, I demand that he answer some simple questions about this shooting.

Did Cheney attend and pass a gun safety course before the "accident?"
Did Cheney have a trigger lock installed?
Did Dick satisfy the 7-day "cooling off" period before he shot his friend?
Was this shotgun purchased using the gun show loophole?
When was his background check completed?
Was he licensed to carry an assault weapon in Texas?
Dick had a 28 gauge shotgun. That sounds awful big. Why did he need to carry such a big gun? What was he compensating for?
Did he attempt to reason with the birds before opening fire?
Would improved body and vehicle armor have improved his victim's chance of survival?
After shooting Mr. Whittington, did Cheney carpet bomb Whittington's house and send his wife to Guantanamo?
This hunting expedition doesn't seem very well planned out. Is this yet another example of a headlong rush to violence?
The peeResident didn't find out about the "accident" for several days. Was this due to faulty intelligence, or the lack of an exit strategy?
Is Mr. Littington the first person Cheney ever shot? If so, did Cheney follow tradition with regards to eating the liver?
Does the VP plan to watch "Bowling for Columbine" now, or does he deny his contribution to the gun violence problem in this nation?
If Cheney was black, would the President have him executed for this crime?

[Red Loser]

In light of this travesty, I can only throw up my hands and quote a fellow lover of the wacky weed who goes by the creative moniker of "Robert":

Anne Armstrong -- on whose ranch the shooting took place -- was an original member of the FISA Court under President Reagan. She may still be a member, We don't know since it is a secret court. Harry Whittington is a cantakerous old lawyer from Austin Texas who may also be a member of the Court. We all know that Cheney likes to "go hunting" with judges that are about to hear a case wherein he is the defendant (see: Scalia and the Energy Committee meetings). Whittington may have been asked to pre-emptively rule on the NSA matter and refused. This could just be a "shot over the bow" of the other judges on the FISA Court who have been asked to issue a ruling on the legal of the wiretaps.

The story has changed several times already. At one point Cheney said that Whittington came up behind him unexpectedly and startled him, then he says he swung around to take a shot and didn't see Whittington . . . now he says Whittington when out in front to pick up his kill. If they were lazy enough to be hunting from a car, one would think that they would have dogs to go pick up the dead birds. Does this White House gang tell the truth about anything? Ever?

Who wants to bet that Tookie was framed for the shotgun deaths of future FISA judges in Los Angeles? Ol' sneerin' badger Cheney crashes into the convenience store and turns their faces to hamburger, YEEHAW!! Who better to frame than the brown-skinned folk? That's the way the Repukes think. This corrupt and fascist administration brings tears to my glaucoma-stricken eyes. Pass the bong, please.

[Che]

Oh, and I have Aerosmith stuck in my head now. "Cheney's got a gun"

Just wanted to share the voices in my head.

[Joatmoaf]

A few comments if I may.

First - You mis-spelled quail.
It's spelled, Q-U-A-Y-L-E.

Second - Isn't a 28 guage just a double barrel 14 guage?

And C - Cheney got his Firearm Safety Certificate the same place I got mine.

The Good Ol' Boy Knife and Gun Club, Check Cashing and Liquor Store in the Great State of
O-K-L-A-H-O-M-A

[RoCkY mTn. Lioness]

joatmoaf you FASCIST! Next thing you'll be trying to cram down our throats is a potatoE!

Che,
As I was reading down your 7:20 pm post and laughing myself silly, I *knew* the name I'd find after "posted by:" Freakin' progressyvely brilliant!

[Greg Doud]

I'm just wondering what was this 78 year old lawyer about to testify to? He sure knows better now! Don't mess with America's Dick!

[Liberal Larry]

Looks like Che swiped Helen Thomas' crib notes for the next press conference.

[Dodger]

I think the whole story is a cover up. HaliCheney was probably down there with the those jackbooted "MinuteMen" thugs huntin' em some Mexican Quayle who were only trying to find work.

[Dodger]

Oh, and in light of this, I think we should just surrender in Iraq.

[RoCkY mTn. Lioness]

"Looks like Che swiped Helen Thomas' crib notes for the next press conference."

He would just do well to distance himself from her plastic surgeon and cosmetologist....and I wouldn't trust her veterinarian if I were Che, either.

Now Lar's even got That wascally Ewmer Fudd mimicking the Smirkenchimper! Amazing.

[brainsample]

Top 10 Reasons why Bush wasn't informed right away after Cheney shot a lawyer in the head:

10) Cheney was laughing too hard to dial his cel phone.

9) Bush was viewing a private screening of "Brokeback Mountain" and didn't want to be disturbed.

8) ....

[Dork]

8) Cheney's daughter is a lesbian.

7) Halliburton Halliburton Halliburton... Oil oil oil oil...

6) ....

[Dork]

6) Cheney was practicing his snarl in a mirror.

5) ....

[ltcolusmcret]

a 28 gauge shotgun is a very small gauge gun. not a very standard gauge.

[RoCkY mTn. Lioness]

5. Cheney had to try multiple times to hit the # key 8 times in order to blitz his number out of the NSA phone bank before he could make the call.

4. He had to reload the chamber first, but couldn't. Not because he fell, but because that S.O.B. Seceret Service guy pushed him!!..

3................

[camojack]

...it has the potential to evolve into a scandal that can destroy Cheney’s 2008 White House bid, and will most suredly bode well for gun safety advocates like Al Gore and John Kerry.

Gun control is hitting your target.
(Most suredly?!)

[Talking Toaster]

In his crazed blood lust, Cheney... wounded a fellow hunter, but never bothered to report the incident to Maureen Dowd. -Liberal Larry

Larry, you are just not over reacting enough!

Although, any person who gets peppered with a shotgun is victim please remember this "victim" was one of the top 1% of tax payers. Also, he was a White male and a RepubliKKKan.

Should not we be happy and take up a collection to buy Rich Cheney a bigger shotgun?

I say buy him a brand new 10 gauge with 00 buckshot (not birdshot).

[Moonchild]

Illegally obtained 28-gauge assault weapons with cop-killer shells don't kill. Unelected, Supreme Court-selected, power-drunk reich-wing repugs do.

[Bush4Ever]

Hold on a minute here!! DicKKK Cheney shot a lawyer!! Not a good lawyer like Marvin from the ACLU but a Re-THUG-li-KKKan lawyer!!!!! Shouldn't we Lyberals, I mean, Progressyves, be nominating hym for some kynd of Peace Award?

[Che]

3. It doesn't matter why. Michael Brown will be the fall guy.

2. The were no NSA wiretappers available to monitor his call.

1...

[Colonel Angus]

David Duke is a malignant narcissist.

He invents and then projects a false, fictitious, self for the world to fear, or to admire. He maintains a tenuous grasp on reality to start with and the trappings of power further exacerbate this. Real life authority and David Duke’s predilection to surround him with obsequious sycophants support David Duke’s grandiose self-delusions and fantasies of omnipotence and omniscience.

David Duke's personality is so precariously balanced that he cannot tolerate even a hint of criticism and disagreement. Most narcissists are paranoid and suffer from ideas of reference (the delusion that they are being mocked or discussed when they are not). Thus, narcissists often regard themselves as "victims of persecution".

Duke fosters and encourages a personality cult with all the hallmarks of an institutional religion: priesthood, rites, rituals, temples, worship, catechism, and mythology. The leader is this religion's ascetic saint. He monastically denies himself earthly pleasures (or so he claims) in order to be able to dedicate himself fully to his calling.
Duke is a monstrously inverted Jesus, sacrificing his life and denying himself so that his people - or humanity at large - should benefit. By surpassing and suppressing his humanity, Duke became a distorted version of Nietzsche's "superman". But being a-human or super-human also means being a-sexual and a-moral.

In this restricted sense, narcissistic leaders are post-modernist and moral relativists. They project to the masses an androgynous figure and enhance it by engendering the adoration of nudity and all things "natural" - or by strongly repressing these feelings. But what they refer to, as "nature" is not natural at all.

Duke invariably proffers an aesthetic of decadence and evil carefully orchestrated and artificial - though it is not perceived this way by him or by his followers. Narcissistic leadership is about reproduced copies, not about originals. It is about the manipulation of symbols - not about veritable atavism or true conservatism.

In short: narcissistic leadership is about theatre, not about life. To enjoy the spectacle (and be subsumed by it), the leader demands the suspension of judgment, depersonalization, and de-realization. Catharsis is tantamount, in this narcissistic dramaturgy, to self-annulment.

Narcissism is nihilistic not only operationally, or ideologically. Its very language and narratives are nihilistic. Narcissism is conspicuous nihilism - and the cult's leader serves as a role model, annihilating the Man, only to re-appear as a pre-ordained and irresistible force of nature.

Narcissistic leadership often poses as a rebellion against the "old ways" - against the hegemonic culture, the upper classes, the established religions, the superpowers, the corrupt order. Narcissistic movements are puerile, a reaction to narcissistic injuries inflicted upon David Duke like (and rather psychopathic) toddler nation-state, or group, or upon the leader.

Minorities or "others" - often arbitrarily selected - constitute a perfect, easily identifiable, embodiment of all that is "wrong". They are accused of being old, they are eerily disembodied, they are cosmopolitan, they are part of the establishment, they are "decadent", they are hated on religious and socio-economic grounds, or because of their race, sexual orientation, origin ... They are different, they are narcissistic (feel and act as morally superior), they are everywhere, they are defenseless, they are credulous, they are adaptable (and thus can be co-opted to collaborate in their own destruction). They are the perfect hate figure. Narcissists thrive on hatred and pathological envy.

This is precisely the source of the fascination with Hitler, diagnosed by Erich Fromm - together with Stalin - as a malignant narcissist. He was an inverted human. His unconscious was his conscious. He acted out our most repressed drives, fantasies, and wishes. He provides us with a glimpse of the horrors that lie beneath the veneer, the barbarians at our personal gates, and what it was like before we invented civilization. Hitler forced us all through a time warp and many did not emerge. He was not the devil. He was one of us. He was what Arendt aptly called the banality of evil. Just an ordinary, mentally disturbed, failure, a member of a mentally disturbed and failing nation, who lived through disturbed and failing times. He was the perfect mirror, a channel, a voice, and the very depth of our souls.

Duke prefers the sparkle and glamour of well-orchestrated illusions to the tedium and method of real accomplishments. His reign is all smoke and mirrors, devoid of substances, consisting of mere appearances and mass delusions. In the aftermath of his regime - Duke having died, been deposed, or voted out of office - it all unravels. The tireless and constant prestidigitation ceases and the entire edifice crumbles. What looked like an economic miracle turns out to have been a fraud-laced bubble. Loosely held empires disintegrate. Laboriously assembled business conglomerates go to pieces. "Earth shattering" and "revolutionary" scientific discoveries and theories are discredited. Social experiments end in mayhem.

It is important to understand that the use of violence must be ego-syntonic. It must accord with the self-image of David Duke. It must abet and sustain his grandiose fantasies and feed his sense of entitlement. It must conform David Duke like narrative. Thus, David Duke who regards himself as the benefactor of the poor, a member of the common folk, the representative of the disenfranchised, the champion of the dispossessed against the corrupt elite - is highly unlikely to use violence at first. The pacific mask crumbles when David Duke has become convinced that the very people he purported to speak for, his constituency, his grassroots fans, and the prime sources of his narcissistic supply - have turned against him.

At first, in a desperate effort to maintain the fiction underlying his chaotic personality, David Duke strives to explain away the sudden reversal of sentiment. "The people are being duped by (the media, big industry, the military, the elite, etc.)", "they don't really know what they are doing", "following a rude awakening, they will revert to form", etc. When these flimsy attempts to patch a tattered personal mythology fail, David Duke becomes injured. Narcissistic injury inevitably leads to narcissistic rage and to a terrifying display of unbridled aggression. The pent-up frustration and hurt translate into devaluation. That which was previously idealized - is now discarded with contempt and hatred. This primitive defense mechanism is called "splitting". To David Duke, things and people are either entirely bad (evil) or entirely good. He projects onto others his own shortcomings and negative emotions, thus becoming a totally good object.

Duke is likely to justify the butchering of his own people by claiming that they intended to kill him, undo the revolution, devastate the economy, or the country, etc. The "small people", the "rank and file", and the "loyal soldiers" of David Duke - his flock, his nation, and his employees - they pay the price. The disillusionment and disenchantment are agonizing. The process of reconstruction, of rising from the ashes, of overcoming the trauma of having been deceived, exploited and manipulated - is drawn-out. It is difficult to trust again, to have faith, to love, to be led, to collaborate. Feelings of shame and guilt engulf the erstwhile followers of David Duke. This is his sole legacy: a massive post-traumatic stress disorder.

[OmarTheTentMaker]

DicKKK Cheney's daughter is from Lebanon?

No-She's from the Greek Island of Lesbos!!!!
Top Ten Dick Cheney Excuses

10. "Heart palpitation caused trigger finger to spasm"

9. "Wanted to get the Iraq mess off the front page"

8. "Not enough Jim Beam"

7. "Trying to stop the spread of bird flu"

6. "I love to shoot people"

5. "Guy was making cracks about my lesbian daughter"

4. "I thought the guy was trying to go 'gay cowboy' on me"

3. "Excuse? I hit him, didn't I?"

2. "Until Democrats approve medicare reform, we have to make some tough choices for the elderly"

1. "Made a bet with Gretzky's wife"

[OmarTheTentMaker]

Bu$h4Ever---Here's the joke of the Day.
Q. What do you call skydiving lawyers?
A. Skeet