Cheney Denies "Friend" Right to Die with Dignity

Vice peeResident Dick Cheney offered a tearless, reptilian mea culpa today for a hunting “accident” in which he “accidentally” pounded a case of Lowenbrau and mistook a 78-year-old man for a tiny bird. However, he didn’t apologize to the quail he murdered, or to the New York Times for failing to immediately notify them of the “accident”, as he is required to do by the Living Breathing Constitution. Tragically, the Old Grey Lady was forced to obtain the scoop from some backwoods redneck fishwrapper rather than from the customary “anonymous sources”, or from “recently obtained classified documents” that strangely reek of Sandy Berger’s crotch.

As much as he tries to deny it, Dick Cheney’s daughter is a lesbian. Furthermore, he’s 100% responsible for what happened to that poor man. A human being – nay, a Conservative - was seriously injured in what appears to be an act of senseless violence, for the lack of any offensive cartoons to justify it. If Whittington succumbs to his wounds, Cheney could quite possibly be indicted by a federal grand jury on charges of criminal negligence. He would have no choice but to resign in disgrace, leaving the GOP seriously weakened come election time. Hillary’s chances of winning back the White House in 2008 would increase tenfold. A new progressive President would usher in a new era of peace and prosperity, free from want, need, or sexual responsibility. With a Democrat-controlled senate and liberal Supreme Court to provide checks and balances against the three token Republicans left in Congress, America could at last realize Harry Belafonte's friend's dream of total economic equality among all of Gaia's creatures (except for those who are more equal than others). Indeed, it would a be virtual Heaven on Earth.

So it's no wonder that Cheney is keeping that poor, brain damaged man alive against the wishes of those of us who really care about him. The Secret Service won't even let Michael Schiavo in the building with a pillow and a hammer.

So much for "Compassionate Conservatism", I guess.

Comments

[Dodger]

Well, now, I really see no other option. Yep, you guessed it, we must surrender in Iraq.

[Bubblehead]

I always get confused about the difference between "a senseless act of random violence" and "a random act of senseless violence". Maybe when Cynthia McKinney is in the White House in 2009, she'll pass a law to create an agency that will explain it to me...

[Your local neighberhood liberal]

See, I told you: Haliburton! Cheney! Karl Rove!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[libmeister]

If DicKKK Cheney was really a kkkompassionate kkkonservative he would demand that Harry Whittington be euphorically dehydrated to death.

Dodger is right, we must surrender in Iraq, but AmeriKKKa must also retro-actively surrender to Japan.

[Moonchild]

The repressed rage of these repugs shocks anyone who is forced to watch their disgusting, alocholic faces on TV as we all are. A homophobic, phallohegemonic, racist is left in a tranquil field with a shotgun, intoxicants, other hatemongers, and his own repressed rage over what he perceives as a genetic flaw in himself since he spawned what he sees as a genetic freak - his lesbian daughter. In that quiet time, he's left to guzzle beer and contemplate, and with his inhibitions lowered by alcholol, the anger wells. Why couldn't he have had a daughter who envisioned herself as an intern in the Clinton White House as all women do? For hours this festers until a fellow repug friend looks to get himself a refill from Cheney's cooler, and Cheney's hot fire of rage touches off the black powder in Cheney's shotgun, slamming 237 lead pellets into the man's chest. An instant later, a blameless, but by no means innocent reich-winger, is laying on the ground with his draining out of him. Cheney is left alone, his hands shaking with rage and with the world around him changed while a flock of quail flutter over his head.

[Bush4Ever]

A few of my Lyberal, I mean, Progressyve, fryends and Y are are going to use a private jet that my Lyberal, I mean, Progressyve fryend doesn't actually own. Hys family owns it. We will fly down to where Mr Whittington is being unnecessarily kept alive, in a Frankenstein-like state, by Fox News, HitlerBurton & Rush Limbaugh so that The Walking Evil With The Mechanical heart, DicKKK Cheney won't be arrested, impeached, investigated, impeached, tried, impeached, convicted, impeached, and executed...and impeached. Damn Der CimpenReichsFuhrer.

Then, we will hold a vigil until Dr Kevorkian, Andrea Yates & Michael Schiavo are allowed visitation rights to Mr Whittington.

SPEAK TRUTH TO POWER!!!

[OmarTheTentMaker]

Does this mean Cheney will never get a state funeral?

[The Den Mother]

I heard on the morning news that Whittington is going to live, dashing our hopes of seeing Cheney do the perp walk through a crowd of protesters obscuring the view of Lafayette Park with a cloud of herb smoke.

What is there left to live for? Oh wait, I still haven't had my first abortion. Now THAT is something to look forward to!

[Wilderness Fox]

This is the ultimate Lyberal, I mean Progressyve, dilemma:

Should this attempted murder of a, gulp, non-ACLU lawyer turn into murder, well, of course we want Cheney to die. Even though we Progressyves are against the death penalty, I say we use this incident to illustrate the horrors of the death penalty, as painful as it may be to watch even a hateful, violent, drunkard of a man like Cheney. I mean, what's more painful than peacefully drifting off to sleep and simply never waking again?

[Wilderness Fox]

The "peaceful" death I speak of above is lethal injection, for those of you not familiar with the State Sanctioned Killing Methods of the Texas RupubliKKK.

In light of Cheney wanting to kill his lesbian daughter's birds, I join with Dodger and demand we surrender in Iraq.

[nk]

Cheney did his best, Larry. The blame lies with the second shooter on the hill who was probably bribed by Bush to miss his shot. BTW: Have you noticed that the initials of the Secret Service are SS. A coincidence? I don't think so.

[OmarTheTentMaker]

Can we start picking on Terrible Ted again?

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1. It deflects stray gunshots from Dick Cheney

[Bush4Ever]

DicKKK Cheney really blew it. After the "accident", he spent time worrying about his friend instead of taking a poll like The Real President Wiiliam Jefferson Clinton did after the Re-Thugs tried to connect MoniKKKa LewinsKKKy to him or running away and hiding like The Monarch of Massachusetts, Edward Kopechne-Kennedy did. Cheney = Chump. He is sooooo politically naive.

[Bilgeman]

"So much for "Compassionate Conservatism", I guess"

Still makin' with the Crazy Talk, eh Chom-Steen?

What's your problem?

Whittington now gets a tax deduction..."out-of-pocket medical expenses arising from being blasted with a shotgun by an elected Federal official".

It's right there in Turbo Tax.

Just another way to get government off of our backs.

Regards;

[Arbiter]

It's time Cheney Resigned. To reach over across the aisle, Bu$h has to either nominate Al Gore, Hillary, or Bill Clinton, then Chimpy has to resign himself. By the godess's!!! We demand it!!

[Owen Crosby]

I personally AGREE with the next best thing for women
politicians since Al Sharpton, the USS Hillary Clinton (has a nice ring to it) when she pointed out the differences in "being forthcoming"...between the brutal
honesty of her husband's (the FIRST non WASP peeresident) administration, and that of the dribble of
lies that plink plink plinks from the fountain of Dumya's big WHITE house...

Why couldnt HER successor give timely updates regarding
anti-NRA lobbying efforts by such loyal double agents
like Whittington, all that work for nothing...I guess that 'shoot first' law will just have to wait.

[Sen. Durbin]

Like Eichmann, Cheney is a fan of quail-hunting. However, this incident shows that Cheney's bloodlust far outweighs that of any Nazi war criminal; in fact, it outweighs even Ted Kennedy. Where was Hitler McChimp in all of this? Der Chimpenfuhrer must have been back at the rancHitler polishing off a few Jack and Cokes, or, since it's Bush, Jack and coke.

[Roy 237]

Don't you see Larry. This is all a ruse to divert attention from what the Bushiburton Adminsitration is doing in the Middle East. The Chimp was not content with merely stealing all the leaceful Moslem's oil, he now is stealing their cartoons.

Imagine, an entire generation of Moslems will grow up with the antics of Denormuz the Infidel Slayer and Cathima in her long shapeless dresses. Now he has gone to far.

[brainsample]

Bilgeman:

The amount of medical expenses an individual may deduct (on Schedule A, Form 1040) in a tax year is the amount by which his unreimbursed payments for those expenses exceed 7.5% of his adjusted gross income (AGI) for the year. (There's no cieling on the deduction. Code Sec. 213(a)) But any expense allowed as a Code Sec. 21 dependent care credit, Code Sec. 35 credit for health insurance costs, or Code Sec 162(1) self-employed medical insturance decution can't be treated as a medical expense. (Code Sec. 213(e), Code Sec. 35(g)(2), Code Sec. 162(1)(3))

Consult your personal tax advisor.

Is it true Dick Cheney's daughter is a lesbian?

[brainsample]

The previous tax commentary was quoted verbatim from the RIA Federal Tax Handbook 2006, Thomson, RIA.

Visit http://ria.thomson.com - - Gateway to RIA's Research and Practice Aids

(Joe Biden called to warn me about laws concerning plagerism.)

[OmarTheTentMaker]

My friends at NSA told me Dick's favorite TV show is CSI. No word was mentioned about this attempted "clip" on Whittington. He was busy cleaning up the crime scene. They also had to find targets...I mean quail for the ranch.

[Arbiter]

They've already gotten to the Sherriff's Dept!!!
They've closed the case without charging Cheney with
Murder One!!!!!!!!!!!

[Menstrual Rainbow]

What drove this father of a lesbian to commit such an violent act?

[Fist of Etiquette]

Okay then, the sheriff has indeed closed the investigation.

That means the story will die on its own and the administration won't have to dust off another fake bin Laden message to divert our attention from quailgate.

[Bilgeman]

brainsample:

"Consult your personal tax advisor.

Is it true Dick Cheney's daughter is a lesbian?"

She's a Lesbian?

Oh man...that's a whole 'nuther set of tax deductions right there!

Heck, by the time Brother Whittington gets back to chasin' ambulances, the government is going to owe HIM money.

Regards;