Things are pretty hectic at Seattle Hemp Products right now and blogging will continue to be sparse for the next few days. As you can imagine, I’ve been putting in extra hours trying to keep up with the incredible demand for our new line of hemp ass mats emblazoned with the Seahawks logo. I, of course, strongly protested such a blatant form of capitalism, but the boss assures me that we’re only exploiting beer-guzzling football neocons who have it coming. After work, all my free time has been spent scribbling away at my response to the Shrub’s “Disgrace of the Union” speech this Tuesday. I’m sure it will be his usual litany of lies, and the right-wing controlled media will help him once again by waiting until after his speech to air the Democrat rebuttal.
Anyhoo, out of all of Bush’s felonious actions that I’ve been unable to comment on this week, the one that cut me most deeply was his brutal murder of the very last bottlenose whale in the River Thames.
Not so long ago, the Thames teemed with life. Whales, sharks, sea turtles, marlins, amphibious rabbits, and even the great horned beaver all called the river their home. But while the wealthiest one percent of Americans enjoyed their huge tax cuts, the once plentiful population of bottlenose whales dwindled to near extinction. Indeed, it has been years since anyone saw a whale in the Thames at all, and the sudden appearance of one last week became quite the public spectacle. Sadly, the jubilance over the whale’s return to the river was short-lived, for the majestic creature expired within sniper's range from the Bush family’s posh London retreat. No more will Sandy and Bud frolic amongst the British everglades with their fine flippered friend, for the last remaining bottlenose whale in the River Thames has joined the long list of Bush’s innocent victims.
Millions of whales die every year on Bush’s watch. Millions more while he’s not watching. Certainly, some of these deaths are from purely natural causes. Others are from mysterious self-beachings, perhaps done in protest of Bush’s reckless environmental policies - or simply to exercise their Constitutional right to die with dignity. But make no mistake, Bush is as responsible for that poor whale’s untimely demise as he would be if he paddled out there in a canoe and whacked it with an oar.
If there’s a better reason for congressional Democrats to block the extremist Alito’s confirmation next week, I don’t know what it is. I hope Senator Kerry exhibits the same tireless dedication towards saving the whales from Bush as he did to saving America from victory in Vietnam.