Weblog Awards, Schmeblog Awards!

I hope everyone knows that I was just kidding yesterday. I am truly grateful for your readership and in no way blame you for my being snubbed by the fascist Weblog Awards. Undoubtedly, many of you are People of Color and were too frightened and intimidated to cast a vote. Or perhaps you’re homeless and you sold me out for a pack of smokes and a ride to the library. Whatever your excuses were for stabbing me in the back, there are no hard feelings. All these stupid blog award scams don't mean jack squat anyway. It doesn't bruise my ego one bit that I don’t even deserve to be counted amongst the “Best of the Bottom of the Barrell” in a glorified popularity contest. It's by the thousands of visits my site receives every day that I know you like me, you really, really like me.

What really busts my bong, however, is that whenever I actually do manage to get nominated for something, they never categorize me with the likes of such brilliant progressive minds as Iddybud, MoxieGrrrrl, and the less masculine (yet far prettier) Oliver Willis. Instead, they lump me into the “humor” section with a bunch of right-wing clowns. I consider my blog to be one of the premier news sources on the web, but I just can’t shake the feeling that conservatives are out there laughing at me.

Adding insult to injury, I’m constantly ass-whooped Shaolin-style by the same cacophony of blinking ads spackled together with poop.

But I’m not bitter. Nope. I'm perfectly happy knowing that if the Weblog Awards were the Oscars, I’d be Tony F***king Danza.

Comments

[brainsample]

I wanted to nominate you Lar, but I wound up nominating Dave Berg instead.

Have you read him? I mean, that dude is really funny!

Maybe you could try copying him or something.

[libmeister]

You're right Larry. When I heard about the anti-viral safeguards and other internet security devices that were being used to protect the polling blogsite, I became intimidated and did not cast my fifty-ninth vote.

It's exactly how my second cousin Tyrone felt down in Florida during the 2000 elections when he was trying to hitch a ride and saw the empty police car parked in front of a Duncan Donuts™ shop just four blocks from the polling place. Clearly the fascist pigs were trying to inimidate minority voters in that neighborhood by their mere presence.

[Sen. Durbin]

The Reichpublicans are clearly trying to classify this site as humor in order to prevent people from taking your message seriously. From the looks of it, they're doing a pretty good job. Then again, KKKonservatives did a pretty good job at conducting the Holocaust, and we brought them to justice then. It's only a matter of time until the modern-day Nuremburg convicts the Bu$h mafia.

[Bilgeman]

LibLarry:

"But I’m not bitter. Nope. I'm perfectly happy knowing that if the Weblog Awards were the Oscars, I’d be Tony F***king Danza"

Don't feel bad, Chom-Steen.

You're on track to be the Paul Robeson of the internet.

(Only without a Soviet Embassy Cultural Awards dinner to dress up for.)

Regards;

[Dork]

My internet went down for five whole minutes to prevent me from voting for you, Larry. If we're going to get to the bottom of this THEFT OF AMERICA, we need internets that aren't owned by republllicans and don't just happen to go down when there is a poll going on on the internet.

My voting mouse was designed by repppublicans--and the mother mouse-machine was rigged to make all votes go to... not Larry!

Also: republikkkans.

[Menstrual Rainbow]

I tried to vote for Larry but because of the confusng design of the ballot I accidently voted for Pat Buchanan.

[camojack]

What's a Weblog? We blog, you blog, I blog...

[CavalierX]

Well, I voted for you, before I voted against you... or would have voted for you before I voted against you, if I'd bothered to vote.

[Marvin The ACLU Lawyer]

Too late. I've already had your Internet Records subpoenaed. My client's feelings were hurt. He has been unable to sleep or work due to your personal attack against his humynhood. Hys lyfe partner is slowing sinking into the same state. I hope your pockets are as deep as my heart is dark.

Oh yeah. One more thing...

Happy Holidays!!

[DST]

Iddybud?

Not heard about her for a while... Guess your plan to hook up with Iddybud and sire a master race of pan-ethnic post-gender progressyve wunderkids hit the buffers?

[libmeister]

Just like KKKarl Rove to use his mind control machine to get this site classified as some sort of parody site. Anyone interested in SPEAKING TRUTH TO POWER knows that we are deadly serious here. Now we are being mocked as mere birkenstocked laughingstock. I mean, we worship Cindy Sheehan as the mother of all peace and tranquility here and we believe Representative Murtha is the greatest Democratic intellectual since, well since Jimmy Carter!

By the way, is there any truth to the claim that tinfoil can make my 1980 Volvo run better?

[Moonchild]

Group hug, Lar. Even Mr. Spock let his emotions get the better of him on occasion. I remember the time when the Federation kept him from going back to Vulcan so he could share affections with a young honey he'd stashed away there. I wept because I had hoped Haliburton's oppression would be eliminated by the 24th century, but Spock overcame; he channelled his anger, killed Kirk, wrote the manus opus of child rearing, and ended the Vietnam war. That turned my frown upside down. My doctor says that that frown thing was a side effect of the meds, but he's on Bush's payroll.

[Karl Rove Stole Larry's Nomination]

We're not laughing at you Larry.

We're laughing *with* you.

Mu-ha-ha-ha-ha-HAHAHAHA!

[Wilderness Fox]

Larry: Bush caused this massive winter storm that is blanketing most of America in snow and ice and causing massive power outages to prevent you from winning an award. (Sheeesh, even in Houston the temperature didn't get above 39 yesterday!)

It's probably payback for you finding out how he created Katrina to wipe out the minorities in the South.

[LiberalLarry'sLacky]

Who cares about their meaningles an gerrymandered "awards"? I hereby, irrevocably, henceforthly and forthrightly nominate Proffessym Larry Chomstien for the first ever Blogs for Humanity (patent pending) Saviour award. This award shall be given out annually to the Larry Chomstien that does the most for oppressed people everywhere through heroically "blogging truth to power" (slogan patent pending).

Any nominations should be submitted to me via email. (helloop2000@yahoo.com) The deadline (or lifeline in our case), is the High Pagan holiday of December 25th. All submissions shall be seriously considered before Professym Chomstien is given his award, so hurry up and get those nominations in!

[Bubblehead]

Don't even get me started about that darn Frnak J. and his "Alliance of Flea Blogs", Larry. If you want to respond to his Shaolin-style whoopings, I got your back... as long as it's after about 11 a.m., since I sleep in.

[spd rdr]

Hey, Lar, do you realize how much whiskey I had to go through to get to the bottom of the barrel?

[Lewis Faerychaun]

I had the same problem, Menstrual Rainbow. That ballot was fuzzy!

[Chicago Man]

Let's go fellow progressives... This calls for some seious vote fraud, er... The will of the people to be heard once and for all. Especially dead people! So let's rise up togther as one, throw off the facist shackles of Bu$Hitler's neoKKKon police state and stuff those boxes!!!

Uh, does anyone know the number to the Chicago City Hall? Those guys could definitely help.

Oh, and may Gaia grant you all a happy and sexually liberating Festivus!

GO BEARS GO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[aelfheld]

[...] I just can’t shake the feeling that conservatives are out there laughing at me.

You didn't think we were laughing with you, did you?

[DAVE]

one day, after those fasist are marched off to the gulags,
the people will see the facts that you speak truth to power.

It just so hard to get your message out with the right wing take over of all forms of the media.

[Bu$hCausedMyGout]

Betcha million dollars that Nobel would nominate you for a Peace Prize. Most likely they do not understand your sense of humor.

[Huan]

Larry, the conservatives are out to get you and you could still be paranoid.

[Donnah]

Regarding the Weblog Awards, as a male oppressor, Larry should throw his support to a downtrodden, victimized woman; such as myself. Anything else would be Not Fair.

[libmeister]

Larry, you'd be a shoe-in for the Golden Paranoid Pariah Messianic Award. I'm sure we can hack into the voting computers in order to add the votes of all those who would have voted for you if they had known that you actually existed. Vote early, vote often I always say.