Like "The Duke" before him, Arnold Schwarzenegger has become indistinguishable from the characters he plays in his movies. Instead of “terminating” every Sarah Connor in the phonebook, however, Ahhhnuld has taken it upon himself to snuff out beloved children’s book authors with cute, cuddly sounding nicknames. Anyone who has ever enjoyed a cookie knows that a man whose name rhymes with a sweet chocolaty treat doesn’t deserve to die, but time is running out for Tookie.
Stanley “Tookie” Williams made some mistakes in his youth, sure. Who hasn’t? Who amongst us can claim that they’ve never shot a man twice in the back for 120 bucks and laughed about it, even in a metaphorical sense? We all have blood on our hands, and none of us are innocent in this world. Not even the so-called Christians, who preach about casting stones and forgiveness, but are the first to cry “fry him!” whenever a fuzzy ol’ teddy bear brutally murders an entire family. Hypocrisy to the extreme. But while none of us are without sin, very few have redeemed themselves through a series of popular children’s books or a touching Hallmark Movie Presentation based on their life, starring that really nice gentleman who played Ray Charles.
The outpouring of grassroots Hollywood support is a further testament to Tookie's innocence. B.J. Hunnicutt wasn’t camped out at the state capitol the night they fried Ted Bundy. John William King, the white man who dragged James Byrd to death behind his pick-up truck, hasn’t received any conjugal visits from Danny Glover or Snoop Dogg. No, it takes a special kind of murderer to earn the respect and admiration of our most beloved entertainers, but that insensitive son of a Nazi in Sacramento doesn’t seem to give a damn.
Tookie certainly won’t be the first innocent man murdered by a Republican governor. Bush sent John Wayne Gacy to the gas chamber in complete disregard for all the pretty paintings he did of happy clowns while on death row. But if we as a society start executing people with cute and/or cuddly sounding nicknames, who will be next? Nipsey Russell? Soupy Sales? Captain Kangaroo, perhaps?
Boomer Esiason has nothing to worry about, though. After all, he's white, and Conan is huntin’ Negroes this holiday season!