Give Thanks to Your Transgendered Neighbors This Holiday

For most of red state America, tomorrow will be spent amongst friends and family, giving thanks to God for a bountiful harvest of bloodstained blessings. But for millions of Trangendered-Americans, Thanksgiving is a day of heartache and sorrow – a tragic reminder of an event that led to the exclusion of their brave and noble people from mainstream society, not to mention most public restrooms.

The pilgrims, as we all know, were a band of religious lunatics who repaid the kindness and generosity of the First Americans by stealing their land and wiping them out. But what they didn’t teach us in elementary school was that the bible-thumping puritans were fire breathing gender absolutists as well. When the males of the Wampanoag tribe arrived for the great Thanksgiving feast attired in elaborate, feathery hats, leather skirts, garish jewelry and colorful cosmetics, the fundamentalist pilgrims were bound by the laws of their Christian god to ridicule and humiliate them. Thus began four long centuries of snickering and snide remarks at the expense of the indigenous transgendered peoples. It wasn’t until 1963, when Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. delivered his famous “I Have a Vagina” speech that the wholesale chortling finally began to subside. Today, transgendered progressives such as Ru Paul, Janet Reno and Oliver Willis are leading the crusade to make America a safer environment for the enlightened few that transcend typical gender identities.

But we still have a long way to go. Many universities, public buildings, and private businesses still have segregated restrooms. Job applications typically have only two options for “gender”. In many areas, it’s still frowned upon for a man to strut through a crowded bus terminal in make-up and women's lingerie, and attempts to do so are met with rude catcalls and intolerant comments like "Larry, Larry, he's such a fairy!!!" Four hundred years after the indigenous transgendered peoples welcomed the pilgrims at Plymouth Rock, they still aren't welcome in the very society that owes them its existence.

That's why I’ll be spending Thanksgiving sitting alone in the dark, stabbing myself in the thigh with a fork as penance for 400 years of heteronormative hegemony.

But you already knew that.

Comments

[PTPFP]

First! But you knew that.

Happy Hegemony Day to you, Larry.

[MMM'BILLY]

"Job applications typically have only two options for “gender”." ---Larry

Oh so true! Imagine how many people are unable to get work because they can't fill out job applications honestly!

Those applications really should have the following options:

Male
Female
Both
Neither
Undecided
Why does it matter you sexist pig!
N/A (not applicable)
WIP (work in progress)
Olsen twin
ROFLZ!!1 I LIEK DA INTRANET!!1 IT MEKS ME COOL!!!11one1 (irish's gender)
Other (Please explain, and boy, I can't wait to hear this one.)

[jess1dering]

In my great shame and disgust with all things Anglo ,this Thanksgiving, I am going to try to bash my Anglo brains in with a drumstick. If that fails, I'm going to try to impale my evil Anglo heart with corn on the cob. If that fails , I'm going to try to drown my evil Anglo lungs by inhaling mashed potatoes, lots of extra gravy please. Anyway, happy Thanksgiving Day to all of the rest of you guys ( NO ANGLOS! ) Happy Turkey Day to you , Larry, 'cause you ARE one !!!!

[Kiki B.]

Don't forget to mention Hillary in that list. I know all good Progressyves want "her" to run for President in '08, and be the first woman Prez, but will he/she/it really be that?

Happy(and you'd better be, too, or else!) Thanksgiving to everyone! Have fun!

[camojack]

OK then...thanks, neighbor!

[Menstrual Rainbow]

" Today, transgendered progressives such as Ru Paul, Janet Reno and Oliver Willis"

In 2000 the right wing extremist candidate John McCain got into trouble for telling a joke about Janet Reno-

Q- Why is Chelsea Clinton so ugly?
A- Because Hillary is her mother and Janet Reno's her father.

I'm only repeating it in order to demonstrate how hateful kkkonservatives are.

[Bush4Ever]

Why Conservatives Ignore Lyberals, I Mean, Progressyves:

It's Scientific!!

[jows]

Oliver Willis?

I think you are confusing transgender with just really stupid.

[spd_rdr]

Larry, Larry! I am wondering about the depth of your committment to the transgendered community! You should be stabbing yourself with a spork!

[Fist of Etiquette]

At least someone is thinking, spd rdr! No tryptophan-induced coma for you yet, I see.

[libmeister]

Thus began four long centuries of snickering and snide remarks at the expense of the indigenous transgendered peoples.

Liberal Larry, don't forget the Pilgrims' harsh words and disapproving glares that were freely directed toward those transgendered Native Americans ... just like what evil KKKonservatives practice today toward Muslim freedom fighter "detainees".

Isn't it interesting how the white Eurocentric fascists' only real contributions to Native American culture was to intentionally infect them with smallpox, yet the American Indians' own undying legacy toward the narrow-minded white eyes was a progressyve acceptance of trasngenderism? That's why Native Americans kept sending their male homosexuals, lesbians and transgendered people away from their tribes and to the white eyes so that we could learn tolerance ... a tolerance which non-progressyves have yet to learn to this day.

These brave gender-neutral Indian pioneers were emissaries of the Great Spirit's gender-neutral lovefest and yet they were ridiculed by the white eyes' heterosexual hegemony which believed in only practicing the missionary position with some Pilgrim hottie of the opposite sex.

WE MUST CONTINUE TO SPEAK TRUTH (whatever that is from day to day) TO POWER!

[Che]

You people are syck for celebrating anything today. There are a hundred million Muslims detained in Guantanamo without access to Greenpeace, Christopher Reeves still can't walk, Kyoto hasn't been ratified. Mother Cindy still hasn't met the Shrub. And to top it all off, Jessica and Nick have split the sheets.

I'll spend the day stabbing myself in the... thigh, yeah, the thigh, with my Michael Moore action figure.

[PTPFP]

Che, I was inspired by your post and decided to stab my Michael Moore action figure in the thigh with spd's spork. It is the least I could do to raise his awareness through voodoo.

[Bush4Ever]

Great News for the non-heterosexuals!! Did I say great? I mean...FABULOUS!!!

Elton John to wed partner in December

[Fist of Etiquette]

The Reuters photo caption reads: "Elton John and his partner David Furnish (R) are seen in Washington in this December..."

Does that mean Elton John is marrying a Republican?

Also, is it only a coincidence that the Brits are legalizing (legalising?) civil unions right on the heels of legalizing binge drinking?

[libmeister]

That's great news, Bush4Ever. Now David Furnish can take Elton for half his fortune when they divorce. A truly egalitarian society will soon rise like a phoenix out of the ashes of post-KKKhristian western civilization. Aint' progressyvism great!

Oh, Happy ThanKKKsgiving Day anyway. Hope you evil RethugliKKKan capitalists are happy about this immoral genocide you've conducted against turkeys. NOT IN MY NAME!

... pass the stuffing please!

[aelfheld]

I'll spend the day stabbing myself in the... thigh, yeah, the thigh, with my Michael Moore action figure.

Wouldn't that be akin to stabbing yourself with a Gummi Bear?

[Che]

Hey, I just noticed my action figure comes with a Mother Cindy.

[Serena PeaceSpeaker]

Have a happy DAY OF ATONEMENT, you genocidal, misogynistic, sexist, homophibic, racist, Eurocentric, BASTARDS!!!

I wish God was real so all you hate-filled KKKonservatives would have a hell to burn in!

[MMM'BILLY]

[serious] I've been a visitor of this blog almost since its inception, and can honestly say I've read every single post larry has written. What can I say, I'm a fan. The style of satire, execution and subject in combination really strike a chord with me, and often times my funny bone as well. Happy thanksgiving everyone! (And keep making me laugh, cry, and laugh some more.) [/serious]

OMFG THE WHITIES HAVE A HOLDIARY 2 INSTITUTIONALIZE THEIR SUPREMACY!!11111 OMFG! BEING A WHITE PROGRESSIVE MYSELF< I SHALL NOW CONSUME 15 LITRES OF RAT POISON AS REPARATION WHILE NATIVE AMERICANS FRUITLESSLY TRY TO LOOT MY PALE CORPSE!!!!111 ROFLZ!111111one11111eleven1111

[Dr. E. Scientist, phD.]

On this day, when you are gathered together with your family around the roast tofurkey, please give a thought to those less fortunate Nazi Americans who ignorantly insist on being wrong all the time, even though we must have told them a thousand times.

Remember on this day that you can't spell Gaia without "gay" and don't drink and drive, or get in a car with a drunk driver.

While hope might float; Senator Kennedy's car does not. Be safe frynds.

[PTPFP]

Well, uh, isn't Gaia pronounced 'guy-uh?' I mean, even though transgendered folk everywhere worship the pants off her, she is still Mom Earth and you can't be a mom without a man, unless, oh helk. Pass the bong so I can have my third helping.

Happy Thanksgiving!

[Moonchild]

Since Larry's a shy persyn who wouldn't use his own pain to score cheap points, like the repugs do, I want to remind everyone that he's without Peachblossom, who still may or may not be a member of the transgender community, during this Mandatory Office Meeting season. Exiled by the bloodthirst of the current tyrants; she/her/it is in hiding in the frozen north, robbing Larry of the love that dare not speak its name. So, it's not surprising that civil rights for our transgender pioneers are on his mind. May Gaia bless you, Lar, and if that fork wanders to places other than your thigh while you're under the sink, I don't think anyone could blame you.

[Truth to Power]

It wasn’t until 1963, when Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. delivered his famous “I Have a Vagina” speech that the wholesale chortling finally began to subside.

We've "moved on". Now Cindy Sheehan (Wonder Womyn of Harmony and Understanding -- honest it says so in her book. Can you argue with a published author?)claims, "I have a Dick." Mr. Cheney, plotting more mayhem in his secret bunker, was not available for comment with his famous snarl.

The Bush family and all of Crawford offered thanks today for avoiding yet again the thrill of seeing Cindy's gams. "Two bird legs are enough," claimed the baby killer just as he was about to gorge on a drumstick.

[MMM'BILLY]

"We've "moved on". Now Cindy Sheehan (Wonder Womyn of Harmony and Understanding -- honest it says so in her book. Can you argue with a published author?)claims, "I have a Dick." Mr. Cheney, plotting more mayhem in his secret bunker, was not available for comment with his famous snarl.

The Bush family and all of Crawford offered thanks today for avoiding yet again the thrill of seeing Cindy's gams. "Two bird legs are enough," claimed the baby killer just as he was about to gorge on a drumstick. " ---Truth to Power

Hey, that sounds familiar, what major newspaper is that quote from?