With the announcement of the anxiously awaited Big Two Triple-Donuts last night, we passed what I like to call a "grim milestone". Two thousand soldiers killed for a lie. Two thousand lives destroyed in an illegal and immoral war waged without cause, reason, nor France's blessing. Two thousand young men and women who will never experience a consensual relationship with a member of the same gender, nor enjoy their Constitutional right to choose.
TWO THOUSAND! Let that figure sink in for a moment. It's a hard number to fathom, especially for caring, sensitive progressives such as us. Most of us don't make two thousand dollars a year, or take two thousand showers in our entire lifetimes. A stack of two thousand pennies would tower 9.5 feet off the ground and come to about twenty bucks. $16.98 if they're Canadian pennies. Two thousand pencils lined up end-to-end would stretch from the earth to the moon and back again, not to mention waste a lot of nice trees just to prove a silly point.
Although we wouldn't be caught dead at a Support-Our-Troops rally or a Veterans' Day Parade, progressives across the nation will gather in their communities tonight to honor those we've spent the last 40 years dishonoring: the baby-killing, corpse-burning, genital-mocking, Quran-mishandling, innocent-civilian-torturing, wedgie-giving, uneducated, brainwashed fascist morons who were tricked into joining the military by unscrupulous recruiters. It's not a celebration mind you, but a time to collectively mourn the loss of people we care enough about to actually pretend like we give a damn. And while our maudlin displays of national self-loathing may ultimately embolden the enemy and bring us closer to the Big Three-Oh-Oh-Oh, each candle we light will cleanse us of any misguided guilt we share for constantly kicking our uniformed men and women in the metaphorical nards.
We owe the troops that much.
UPDATE: Here are some photos of the somber "2000 Dead Troops" festivities in San Francisco.
2000 has an added bonus.
We can now refer to those killed in the illegal imoral war by the "thousands."
Instead of having to say something awkward like thousand plus, or god forbid, being burdened with having to actually know the number of troops killed, when just insert "thousands" whenever we please.
In this way, the 2000th customer did not die in vein.
Posted by: Dude | October 27, 2005 at 09:43 AM
Boy - ya'll are a dumber than the Dumbya!
Doncha know that the REAL body count is tens of thousands!!
Ya'll are just too captivated by the lies of the Right Wing Media . . . Sheeples!
Posted by: Son of the South (c) | October 27, 2005 at 09:49 AM
If a Lyberal, I mean, Progressyve, makes two inane points within the same sentence, is that double-driveling? Thanks in advance.
Posted by: Bush4Ever | October 27, 2005 at 10:05 AM
nard (n.) - 1. an aromatic ointment used in antiquity; spikenard.
2. toiletry consisting of any of various substances resembling cream that have a soothing and moisturizing effect when applied to the skin; ointment
NAD (n.) A coenzyme, C21H27N7O14P2, occurring in most living cells and utilized alternately with NADH as an oxidizing or reducing agent in various metabolic processes.
Hopefully, this clears things up.
Posted by: Les Ty Smitethee | October 27, 2005 at 10:13 AM
Fitzmas is coming, Fitzmas is coming! Isn't it? Where's Fitzmas? Has Chimpy once again bought his way out of justice for the 2000 killed for Cheney's bank account? I need this Fitzmas to be merry. Even the milestone of 2000 dead for the lie cannot cover up the hurt if there are no indictments of the Bu$h KKKabal.
Posted by: Sen. Durbin | October 27, 2005 at 10:44 AM
The 2000 troops milestone reached.
Harriet Miers gone.
President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad declared Wednesday that Israel is a "disgraceful blot" that should be "wiped off the map".
What a week for progressyves!
A 3 for 1 !
I think that some progressyves will start dancing naked in the streets, some may even self combust because of too much joy in one place.
A bonfire of burning unwashed oily hippies, what better way to celebrate?
Posted by: Friend of USA | October 27, 2005 at 11:43 AM
I am deeply saddened by the number of dead. Only 2000? what does it say of a nation that is only willing to have 2000 of their children die to get a republican out of the Whitehouse?
Of course, I'd voluteer my kids, but they are busy protesting against the Gaia raping ban on hemp and hemp byproducts.
Middle America, pick up the pace! We Berkleyites can be expected to pull your weight no longer.
Posted by: Dr. E. Scientist, phD | October 27, 2005 at 11:58 AM
You're not going to try to blame Bush for this, are you?
Posted by: John from WuzzaDem | October 27, 2005 at 12:01 PM
Well, to be fair to middle America, it is Bush's, well really, Rove's total fascistic control of NPR that keeps ingorant america ignorant and reluctant to trade their kids for a republican free tomorrow.
Posted by: Dr. E. Scientist, phD | October 27, 2005 at 12:11 PM
I think back to my days at high school, and all of those jocks that used to kick my as when I told them I was smarter than them. "who's smarter now, bitch?"
can we surrender now to our Islamic overlords?
Posted by: dave | October 27, 2005 at 12:35 PM
"can we surrender now to our Islamic overlords?"
Heck yeah, you can!! And here's a little bit of what they want:
"What are we calling you to, and what do we want from you?
(1) The first thing that we are calling you to is Islam.
(a) The religion of the Unification of God; of freedom from associating partners with Him, and rejection of this; of complete love of Him, the Exalted; of complete submission to His Laws; and of the discarding of all the opinions, orders, theories and religions which contradict with the religion He sent down to His Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him). Islam is the religion of all the prophets, and makes no distinction between them - peace be upon them all.
It is to this religion that we call you; the seal of all the previous religions. It is the religion of Unification of God, sincerity, the best of manners, righteousness, mercy, honour, purity, and piety. It is the religion of showing kindness to others, establishing justice between them, granting them their rights, and defending the oppressed and the persecuted. It is the religion of enjoining the good and forbidding the evil with the hand, tongue and heart. It is the religion of Jihad in the way of Allah so that Allah's Word and religion reign Supreme. And it is the religion of unity and agreement on the obedience to Allah, and total equality between all people, without regarding their colour, sex, or language.
(b) It is the religion whose book - the Quran - will remained preserved and unchanged, after the other Divine books and messages have been changed. The Quran is the miracle until the Day of Judgment. Allah has challenged anyone to bring a book like the Quran or even ten verses like it.
(2) The second thing we call you to, is to stop your oppression, lies, immorality and debauchery that has spread among you.
(a) We call you to be a people of manners, principles, honour, and purity; to reject the immoral acts of fornication, homosexuality, intoxicants, gambling's, and trading with interest.
We call you to all of this that you may be freed from that which you have become caught up in; that you may be freed from the deceptive lies that you are a great nation, that your leaders spread amongst you to conceal from you the despicable state to which you have reached."
http://observer.guardian.co.uk/worldview/story/0,11581,845725,00.html
The Observor left out Osama's XXOOXXOO at the end.
Posted by: Bush4Ever | October 27, 2005 at 12:44 PM
(a) We call you to be a people of manners, principles, honour, and purity; to reject the immoral acts of fornication, homosexuality, intoxicants, gambling's, and trading with interest.
Didn't say anything about weed.
Pass the bong...
Posted by: Dodger | October 27, 2005 at 12:58 PM
"Didn't say anything about weed."
I believe that is covered by "intoxicants".
Posted by: Ahmed@TheAllahuSnackBar | October 27, 2005 at 01:35 PM
Truly a joyous milestone for all moonbats. And they should all take pride: it would have taken longer to reach without their efforts.
Posted by: Van Helsing | October 27, 2005 at 02:04 PM
"Didn't say anything about weed." ----
I believe that is covered by "intoxicants". ----
Dang!
Posted by: JannyMae | October 27, 2005 at 03:09 PM
You can only smoke weed under Islam if you don't inhale!!!!!
Osama bin Clinton
Posted by: Son of the South © | October 27, 2005 at 04:17 PM
It's not an "intoxicant"
It's....enlightenment
Posted by: Dodger | October 27, 2005 at 04:52 PM
"It's....enlightenment"
Shee-yah, be sure to buy my next novel, Toker McBong and His Hookah of Dreams...pass the oreos and clam dip.
Posted by: StonySmoker | October 27, 2005 at 07:24 PM
Poor Mother Sheehan... It's got to be hard to draw 90% of the media's attention when you're only 0.05% of all the grieving mothers out there. Still she keeps her chin up. I heard her on Al Franken this afternoon, and she did a little musical diddy to the tune of "My Favorite Things" that lightened my heart:
Crying for cameras,
and praying for Casey,
Calling BusHitler
A madmad who's crazy,
Bitch-slapping Hillary for supporting the war,
I'm a grieving mother and media whore!
He went in the Army
I tried to usurp him,
Then he was killed for
Oil and Halliburton.
Then I found my calling,
and went for the bling.
I'm Mother Cindy,
You may kiss my ring!
When the news clips
Show some "good" things
(Purple fingers in Iraq)
I pull out a nose hair to squeeze out a tear
And say "I just want
Posted by: Che | October 27, 2005 at 07:41 PM
Oops.
...
When the news clips
Show some "good" things
(Purple fingers in Iraq)
I pull out a nose hair to squeeze out a tear
And say "I just want my... boy... baaaaack!"
Posted by: Che | October 27, 2005 at 07:42 PM
Cindy should be running low on nose hair by now.
Maybe she should pull the wild hair out of her *ss.
Posted by: Talking Toaster | October 27, 2005 at 08:01 PM
FREE PIGLET !
Posted by: Friend of USA | October 27, 2005 at 08:19 PM
"FREE PIGLET!"
I have a barrel of BBQ sauce.
Posted by: BillyJoeBob@TheGasStation | October 27, 2005 at 08:23 PM
"FREE PIGLET!"
I have a barrel of BBQ sauce.
---Sweet, or spicy??
Posted by: JannyMae | October 27, 2005 at 09:12 PM
"nard (n.) - 1. an aromatic ointment used in antiquity..."
Posted by: Les Ty Smitethee
Yeah, I knew dat; I posted a link to da definition previously.
Posted by: camojack | October 27, 2005 at 10:05 PM