2000!

With the announcement of the anxiously awaited Big Two Triple-Donuts last night, we passed what I like to call a "grim milestone". Two thousand soldiers killed for a lie. Two thousand lives destroyed in an illegal and immoral war waged without cause, reason, nor France's blessing. Two thousand young men and women who will never experience a consensual relationship with a member of the same gender, nor enjoy their Constitutional right to choose.

TWO THOUSAND! Let that figure sink in for a moment. It's a hard number to fathom, especially for caring, sensitive progressives such as us. Most of us don't make two thousand dollars a year, or take two thousand showers in our entire lifetimes. A stack of two thousand pennies would tower 9.5 feet off the ground and come to about twenty bucks. $16.98 if they're Canadian pennies. Two thousand pencils lined up end-to-end would stretch from the earth to the moon and back again, not to mention waste a lot of nice trees just to prove a silly point.

Although we wouldn't be caught dead at a Support-Our-Troops rally or a Veterans' Day Parade, progressives across the nation will gather in their communities tonight to honor those we've spent the last 40 years dishonoring: the baby-killing, corpse-burning, genital-mocking, Quran-mishandling, innocent-civilian-torturing, wedgie-giving, uneducated, brainwashed fascist morons who were tricked into joining the military by unscrupulous recruiters. It's not a celebration mind you, but a time to collectively mourn the loss of people we care enough about to actually pretend like we give a damn. And while our maudlin displays of national self-loathing may ultimately embolden the enemy and bring us closer to the Big Three-Oh-Oh-Oh, each candle we light will cleanse us of any misguided guilt we share for constantly kicking our uniformed men and women in the metaphorical nards.

We owe the troops that much.

UPDATE: Here are some photos of the somber "2000 Dead Troops" festivities in San Francisco.

Comments

[spd rdr]

Hi! Wow, what a great blog! I am definately blogrolling you! I just wanted to let you know that I've turned my "Iraqi Freedom Egg Timer (TM)" over to the next constitutional level!!!! Without my "Iraqi Freedom Egg Timer (TM)" when I should elevate my actions from simple vomiting on the Constitution to really important acts of civil disobedience such as vomitting on the New York Times.
Rosa Parks rocks!

[spd rdr]

Heh.
That made no sense.

[Friend of USA]

My girlfriend says "Nice twirling hamsters Larry!"

[Bilgeman]

Lib Larry;

"With the announcement of the anxiously awaited Big Two-Triple Donuts last night, we passed what I like to call a "grim milestone". "

Chom-steen, I've gotta admit it, you ARE an original thinker.

Why, I pedict that your "grim milestone" line will be picked up by lesser minds and broadcast far and wide.

In fact, I think "grim milestone" will become a catchphrase of the popular culture...perhaps even a hip-hop rap tune.

Regards;

[Semanticleo]

LL;

W.T.F

Y.A.L.I.

[Damian G.]

WWCD?

What Would Cindy Do?

Goddess bless all those who have fallen in vain.

[libmeister]

Did Semanticleo just have a brain aneurysm?

Hey Lar, are you some stealth capitalist? Are you sending out subliminal messages to buy your brand of highly-decorated tinfoil hats which are being modeled by your hamsters? I hope you're aware paint and decorative geegaws degrade the performance of tinfoil in deflecting the Rovian Mind Control Rays. It's a dangerous road you're taking the unwary progressyve consumer down.

[Joseph]

lol. dude ur too much.

[aelfheld]

Those troops you 'care' about might decide to return what you 'owe'.

With interest.

[camojack]

"...each candle lit will cleanse us of any misguided guilt we share for constantly kicking our uniformed men and women in the metaphorical nards.

Again wit' da "nards"!!! Are you tryin' t'say 'nads?!

[DancesWithBullets]

Too bad the election is over. Truly they died for nothing. Kerry could have used the boost.

[Kiki B.]

"grim milestone"

Is he, like, related to the Grim Reaper?

[Partisan Pundit]

Nard is a verb. Nads is a noun.

[Menstrual Rainbow]

Woooooo-HooooooooooooooH!!! I'm in San Francisco for their 2000 KIA par.... commemoration, where I'm leading a sombre conga line of rememberance past the Army recruitment center, I seem to have lost my paper hat though.

[Dork]

Finally some troop participation!

[Bush4Ever]

I just love the Malignant Compassion of the Lyberals, I mean, Progressyves!! Remember how they celebrated the safe return of the 2,000th soldier from Iraq? And how about the big mainstream media show when the 2,000th Iraqi baby was born in one of the hospitals re-built by the US? And then there were all the cameras just waiting to click away at the 2,000th female Iraqi who was getting to vote in a free election for the first time? SCOTUS-Selected ChimpFace Smirky Dumbya Bu$Hitler and the DicKKK Cheney Hitler Burton Machine just can't stop 'em!!! Woo-Hooo!!!

[Bush Ate My Soul...]

WWCD? Don't you read the papers?

Our Sainted Mother Sheehan is willing to throw herself on the metaphorical grenade of reckless, unprovoked American hegemonism.

She is planning to handcuff herself to a fence at the White House until Don Rumsfeld stops broadcasting the lethal mind control rays that deprive our brave, murdering troops of all capacity for rational thought; that turn their brains to mush, transforming them into mindless zombies who blindly follow any order (no matter how illegal or immoral), transmogrifying them from gender-indeterminate kitten stroking pacifists who mind their mothers into brutal aggressors with only one thought: "KILL, KILL, KILL!".

[Bush4Ever]

If any of the 2,000+ soldiers who were killed were homasetchels, how would they actually count toward the total? I mean, a good Lyberal, I mean, Progressyve, would want a dead homasetchel to count as 1.5 soldiers and, of course, any minority soldiers who have been killed should get special preference by counting as 2 soldiers. Man, I mean, Myn, being a Lyberal, I mean, Progressyve, can be soooo confusing.

Mrs William Jefferson Clinton can't wait till 2008!!!! Woo-Hooo!!!

[Mumblix Grumph]

androgynous Starbuck's barista with a hairlip and sockful of weed.

Oh, non-existent God...is (s)he back in town?

[Moonchild]

2000 souls have been reunited with the cosmos. They will not live to see nuclear energy blossom in a peaceful Iran. They will not see the coming of Palestine's Golden Age. They will no longer hear pleas for religious enlightenment from Osama, but they will no longer hear the lies of Zion. No longer will they have to explain themselves to women who were denied access to a Hussein pleasure palace. They will no longer have to suffer the image of Piglet, and they will no longer have to suffer blasphemous ice cream labels.

Vietnam has ended for these 2000. George Galloway did all he could, but the fight goes on. It still falls on the rest of us to remind each other than our adventurism was done in vain, that all cultures are equivalent, that nothing matters, and that 3000 dead on "our soil" is a nuiscance and should inspire reflection on our own evil and a pulling back from our expasionist genocide, not blind murder against those who are downtrodden and only seek to be heard over the din of American hegemony which alienates all who fall under its icy gaze.

[Where'sOzzie?]

HEY HEY HO HO
HARRIETT'S HAD TO GO
HO HO HEY HEY
WE MADE IT HAPPEN TODAY

[Wilderness Fox]

People, let's not forget that 2000 is only the number APPROVED by Bu$h and his minions for dissemination amongst the Sheeple of this country.

True Progressyves, such as ourselves, know that 2000 is a lie, just like this whole war. Using my Powers Of Progressive Logic, I derive the number of dead peace-loving Islam killers is closer to 200,000.

Bu$h lied, 200k died.

[Pink Turbaned Jihad Syster]

spd, the puke only counts if it comes from a pig or a goat.

[Friend of USA]

2000 troops dead and Miers gone?

Progressives will have a happiness overdose!

[Dork]

You misspelled "progressyves."