I briefly awoke from my NyQuil coma last night to discover that CNN's 24-hour coverage of Cindy Sheehan's courageous vigil had been interrupted to report on Katrina's aftermath, with running commentary from Cindy Sheehan.
"Katrina was only a 4.9 on the Richter scale," Cindy spoke in her pleasingly robotic Janeane Garafolo monotone. "But if the severity of hurricanes was measured by the amount of lives lost, families destroyed, and damage wrought to the natural environment, then George W. Bush is by far the biggest hurricane of all. Isn't that right, Casey Dawg?"
"You go, Ma!!" replied her son, Spc. Casey Sheehan, whose spirit Cindy now channels through a sock puppet on her right hand.
It all made perfect sense to me. The deadliest in a long line of Bush hurricanes, Katrina was practically a metaphor for Bush's illegal and immoral War in Iraq. It attacked from the south with unbelievable shock and awe, brutally murdered millions of helpless innocents but spared the oil wells, then veered severely off course and petered out somewhere in Ohio. It was as if Katrina had followed a script plucked straight from the devious mind of Karl Rove himself.
Why? For the answer, one need look no further than New Orlean's leaky Superdome, which is quickly becoming a giant bowl of Negro soup. With the South's entire Black voting population under 15 feet of water, Bush is guaranteed an all-white electorate when he revokes the Constitution and runs for an historic third term in 2008. And with the French Quarter completely obliterated, the Führer will have little opposition as he continues his Blitzkrieg across the Middle East.
After years of denying the truth, it appears that the scientific community and members of the mainstream press are finally beginning to realize what we progressives have known all along: that Bush's refusal to ratify Kyoto is not merely the unfortunate result of his unbridled greed and stupidity, but a calculated plot to eliminate his political enemies with seemingly "natural" disasters.
Hopefully, the international community will move quickly to save America from Bush and his big polluter buddies - even if it means stationing armed U.N. regulators in all our major corporations. If Coward Bush is too much of a cowardly coward to meet with one woman and her sock-puppet, then maybe 3000 French troops on his front lawn will scare him straight.
It may be too late for New Orleans and the rest of Georgia, but once the world becomes convinced that bad weather is caused not by natural forces beyond our control, but by greedy conservatives and even capitalism itself, then perhaps Casey Sheehan will not have died in vain.
I sighed with inspiration as our Commander in Grief bid America goodnight, likely off to perform another one of her hourly cross-kneeling photo-ops for peace. There was a mechanical whirring sound as the hydraulic kneepads George Soros gave her kicked into gear, and then she was gone.