Bush Crashes Probe Into Defenseless Comet

Bored with flying planes into buildings, Bush has now taken up crashing spacecraft into heavenly bodies. There goes another $333 million down the poop chute, on top of the billions he's already wasted on tax cuts for the wealthiest one percent of Americans.

Fearful of losing their cut, the neocons at NASA are desperately trying to spin this fiasco into a "great scientific achievement", insisting with straight faces that the whole thing was "intentional". But frankly, I find the thought of Bush launching a 1/2 ton chunk of metal into a speeding comet on purpose even more terrifying than if it were simply another one of his colossal pooch screwings. The chimp can't eat a pretzel without hospitalizing himself, let alone tinker with the natural balance of the universe.

This whole thing reeks of Karl Rove. Could it be a plot to alter the trajectory of a comet so it will collide with Earth and eradicate the Blue States ahead of the 2008 elections and guaranteeing Bush an uncontested third term? I'd wouldn't be investing in any California real estate, that's for sure.

Bush has apparently fled the country as well, which is never a good sign. Beginning with 9/11, Bush has a history of being conveniently away from the capitol in the event of a national catastrophe. Last year alone, he found an excuse for taking a sudden leave of absence in the wake of three bizarre, yet obviously staged celestial events:

March 2004. Astronomers record the closest asteroid to ever pass by the earth. Bush flees to Crawford.

June 2004. A meteor roars through the Seattle night sky. Bush flees to Europe.

December 22, 2004. An asteroid passes between earth and orbiting satellites. Bush flees to Mexico.

And the list goes on and on and on.

As scientists sift through the rubble and try to piece together what went wrong with the Deep Impact probe, Bush just happens to be in Europe again, under the pretense of attending a G-8 meeting where I'm sure he'll be the life of the party. Dick Cheney, however, has been moved to a secure, undisclosed location.

Most likely a Red State.

Comments

[Hankmeister]

Where's all the progressyve environmentalists in this crime against humani....comets?

I mean, here's a clear case of the BuShaitan/Halliburton/NASA/Rove war machine pre-emptively attacking an innocent comet that has no WMD! Is there no justice? Is there anyone willing to speak truth to power?

[I figured it out]

I can't believe Marina Bai believes that the Deep impact probe "ruins the natural balance of forces in the universe"
OMGoddess she even said, the experiment would “deform her horoscope.”
Well at least she's trying to get Bush back for trying to freak up the whole entire universe.
Now Nancy Reagan won't be able to contact psychics and learn about how the signs in sky predicted that stem cell research is the only way her husband could be saved from the hands of George Bush 2

[aelfheld]

Could it be a plot to alter the trajectory of a comet so it will collide with Earth and eradicate the Blue States ahead of the 2008 elections and guaranteeing Bush an uncontested third term?

I'd settle for Chappaqua.

[I figured it out]

I can't believe Marina Bai believes that the Deep impact probe "ruins the natural balance of forces in the universe"
OMGoddess she even said, the experiment would “deform her horoscope.”
Well at least she's trying to get Bush back for trying to freak up the whole entire universe.
Now Nancy Reagan won't be able to contact psychics and learn about how the signs in sky predicted that stem cell research is the only way her husband could be saved from the hands of George Bush 2

[I figured it out]

Why is Marina Bai only suing for 300 million, 87 billion would be more like it, she should turn it around and award it to Ward Churchill, purveyor of truth and reveals who the real Eichmanns are (9|11 victims)

[Liberal Larry]

Forget about Marina Bai. I'm suing THIS GUY.

[red austinite]

With our luck, the comet will impact a more advanced civilization, causing them to build a fleet of spaceships to colonize the Earth. Sorta like War of the Worlds on steroids. Bush will, of course, be held responsible for the demise of the entire planet.

[Damian G.]

We should blame Shrub for the lack of air in space.
What happened to it?
I'll bet HALLIBURTON was behind it! The OIL burnt up all the air in space!
I WANT ACCOUNTABILITY, PEOPLE!!!

[Friend of USA]

On that comet they were looking for;

4.5 billion years old oil.

and/or

The first 4.5 billion years old bible.

[Hankmeister]

Next thing you know, with the aid of Bu$Hitler's theokkkracy, Halliburton will copyright the Sun and its solar radiation and make us all pay a use tax that will cycle into Halliburton's coffers. I wonder what Cheney's kickback will be?

And notice how those wildfires are still burning across four states? It's Shrubya still trying to deflect attention away from the Down Syndrome Street memos and the Wilsom/Plame/Rove scandal. The whole comet impact scenario was just a distraction from the secret SDI satellites which are starting those fires. I think we got sucked into this comet talk, Liberal Larry. Damn that KKKarl Rove!

[cr'Q't]

Bill Clinton had a few Deep Probes too.

[Mumblix Grumph]

I know this guy who's a reliable source, he's got a website and stuff. He's heard reports that Bush goes to bed at night! What is he afraid of, the dark?
HA! Chimpy McHitlerSuit is scared of the DARK!

Wait! When it's dark here, it's light in Europe! THAT'S IT! He's scared of Europe!!1

[Mumblix Grumph]

I know this guy who's a reliable source, the guy has a website and stuff. He's heard reports that Bush goes to bed at night! What is he afraid of, the dark?
HA! Chimpy McHitlerSuit is scared of the DARK!

Wait! When it's dark here, it's light in Europe! THAT'S IT! He's scared of Europe!!1

[camojack]

Did that Comet™ turn blue to show it was workin'?

[camojack]

Uncommonly Densible?! Now is THAT nice???

[Che Guevarito]

Just another example of the Chimp's illegal, immoral, and unsanctioned-by-France, global war on celestial dooty.

And for the love of Gaia, CLOSE YOUR FONT TAGS WHEN YOU'RE NOT USING THEM! Were you born in a barn? These things aren't free, you know!

[Che Guevarito]

That was anti-climactic. There. Did that work?

[Friend of USA]

This comet raping mission cost $333 million - cute convenient little number - you know my dear villagers, one more like this and it will be $666...
6-6-6 !
SIX-SIX-SIX !!!

the number of the beast, the beasty Bush, the bushy beast...

[Crouton]

FOUSA hit the nail on the head, a few posts back. Follow the money: On a 4.5 billion-year-old comet, you have 4.5 billion-year-old oil. Mmmmm. Sweet comet crude.

Now that NASA has shown that the drill can penetrate deeply into the hot comet, Stage #2 is "how do we get the crude back to earth, to enrich Chimplerburton and his Big Oil Buddies?" Maybe this explains why the Space Shuttle is going back into space in a few weeks...

[Gib]

Technically speaking, don't things go "up" the poop chute?

[Che Guevarito]

Holie Gaia, I just figured it out!

Bush, not satisfied with oppressing peace-loving muslims suffering from Acute Trinitrotoluene Syndrome, is now going after Scientologists (non-evangelical non-Christians)by shooting up celestial bodies!

Think about it... John Travolta owns a jetliner! Next thing you know, Shrubya will be telling us L. Ron Hubbard ordered 9/11.

And worst of all, I'M FRESH OUT OF TINFOIL!!!

[Che Guevarito]

Holie Gaia, I just figured it out!

Bush, not satisfied with oppressing peace-loving muslims suffering from Acute Trinitrotoluene Syndrome, is now going after Scientologists (non-evangelical non-Christians)by shooting up celestial bodies!

Think about it... John Travolta owns a jetliner! Next thing you know, Shrubya will be telling us L. Ron Hubbard ordered 9/11.

And worst of all, I'M FRESH OUT OF TINFOIL!!!

[Che Guevarito]

Holie Gaia, I just figured it out!

Bush, not satisfied with oppressing peace-loving muslims suffering from Acute Trinitrotoluene Syndrome, is now going after Scientologists (non-evangelical non-Christians) by shooting up celestial bodies!

Think about it... John Travolta owns a jetliner! Next thing you know, Shrubya will be telling us L. Ron Hubbard ordered 9/11 and sending our Space Marines out to get them just like they did in "Halo".

And worst of all, I'M FRESH OUT OF TINFOIL!!!

[irish2]

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How did ya'll get to be so funny-bizarre? Is it in your genes?

[irish2]

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