U.N. Ambassador Saddam Hussein?
Despite the promise of resigned acquiescence in the spirit of compromise, repugs in congress still insist on backing Bush's idiotic nominees. Now the Shrub is threatening to force a recess appointment down everyone's gullet unless Congress hands a highly unqualified thug an ambassadorship to the United Nations.
A UN ambassador should be kind, gentle, and opinionated only in a curmudgeonly grandfather sort of way. He or she should have an unintimidating mustache and refrain from speaking bluntly, brusquely, or in any fashion that might make Sen. Voinovich blubber like Michael Landon during sweeps week. In other words, a U.N. ambassador must be everything that John Bolton is not.
However, there is one man who meets all of the qualifications for the position and then some. I'm talking, of course, about deposed Iraqi leader, Saddam "Cuddles" Hussein. While Bully Bolton is a bullying bully who bullies his subordinates, Saddam jokes with and gives fatherly advice to his captors. Bolton holds grudges against those who don't march lockstep to the beat of his drum, but Saddam has no hard feelings for the chimp who bombed his palaces in the incorrect order and then chased him down a spider hole. Bolton belittles the very organization he seeks to work for, yet Saddam has a long record of cooperation with the UN, and would sooner eat a bowl of Fruit Loops than defy France.
Call me a radical if you must. Tell me I'm ahead of my time. But if a UN appointment can in some small way repay Papa Saddam for Bush's destruction of his country, murder of his gentle sons, and theft of his oil, then dammit we owe him that much!
An excellent idea, Larry, but we'd probably have to get the agreement of Senator... Frist!
Posted by: Bubblehead | June 20, 2005 at 08:25 PM
Yes! The first post is mine! Dances With Bullets is thwarted again!
Posted by: Bubblehead | June 20, 2005 at 08:27 PM
Huh. I'll do you one better. I want Saddam as Man Of The Year! The Cheeto Eating Surrender Monkey profiled by Time with Jane Fonda doing the byline. It doesn't get any better than that.
Posted by: Cryquet | June 20, 2005 at 08:36 PM
And as of today, I quit eating Cheetos and Raisin Bran.
If that creep also gets an itch for Dr. Pepper, that's it. Stock prices will fall and the economy will tank.
Damn that Bush!
Posted by: Cricket | June 20, 2005 at 08:38 PM
Too bad Saddam wasn't born in the USA, the lefties would have loved him as President, and he would definitely get more votes than Kerry.
Posted by: Friend of USA | June 20, 2005 at 08:43 PM
Larry, you've missed the croissant. Will France give us permission to appoint him?
Let's not get ahead of ourselves. We may get all excited, and yet not receive permission.
Posted by: al-Bundy Martyr Brigades | June 20, 2005 at 08:57 PM
I wonder what kind of skin mags we are torturing King Sodomy with.
Posted by: bongrips | June 20, 2005 at 09:12 PM
I think that we should honour Saddam by killing Toucan Sam.
DAMN THOSE FRUIT LOOPS!!!
Posted by: Damian G. | June 20, 2005 at 09:21 PM
Yes! The first post is mine! Dances With Bullets is thwarted again!
Posted by: Bubblehead | June 20, 2005 08:27 PM
Dang!!
I'd have had it too if it wasn't for that damn George Bush!! Allow me to explain:
The replacement for my old motherboard came in today. At first I was pretty startled to see a large Brown truck come to a screeching halt in front of my low income temporary portable housing unit. I thought "Oh my Goddess!! they've finealey come for me!!" I knew in an instant that that beady eyed old git at the library had turned on me for renting that damn learn Spanish on CD in 5 easy lessons that I turned in a week late. I knew then that the Bush Thugs had come for my 50 cent late fee. So I jumped into the Saddam inspired Rat hole also known as my "Computer Room" and hid until I realised it was the UPS guy and, more importantley, he was alone. Finealy I had my motherboard replacement. And thanks to good Ol' GW it took a month to ship it to Epox in California, and have them return it to me Via Pakistan or some other 3rd world progressyve shit hole since he shipped all those high paying delivery jobs overseas. Then I fineally get it all put back together and find out that some erstwhile skank has stolen the first post from me. And to think all this would have been solved if Chimpy Von Hitler would simply increase my rent subsidy check so I could just buy a new motherboard. I mean How the hell am I supposed to afford a new motherboard AND the digital cable television, Cable modem service, Cell Phone, Motorcycle payment, Car payment, Truck to pull the Boat and Boat payment all the while trying to do my part to support the poor unfortunate undocumented immigrants at Taco Bell while I'm forced to watch my children starve to death because Bush hiked the gas prices to high for me to buy them food just so he can feed his drunken lush oil buddies Iraqi babies for breakfast.
And to top it all off the 6 button on my keyboa6rd is sti6cking. Damn that BuSH!!!6
Posted by: DancesWithBullets | June 20, 2005 at 10:23 PM
Forcing him to eat American junk food is an abuse of his human rights! The Pentagon obviously fear his potentially damaging testimony in the up and coming show trial, and have devised a cunning plan to stupify him with a blitz of unhealthy, lethargy inducing carbohydrates.
Bush and Rumsfeld need to be told in no uncertain terms that this kind of practice is un-American and completely unacceptable by international standards.
Posted by: Comrade_Smirnoff | June 21, 2005 at 05:03 AM
I still say Angelina Jolie is an experienced U.N. diplomat who can provide that organization with tough, no-nonsense leadership. As a bonus, she doesn't have that distracting mouth thing going like Bolton. Her name even sounds French.
On the surface Saddam looks like the ideal candidate, but the very fact that he has been known to fire hunting rifles off his porch is a bit too red State for my comfort. (Sean Penn would be my dream pick because of his endless crusade against gun violence, his great sense of humor, and his unyielding efforts to topple Bushitler. But the Neokkkon junta would never nominate him because he's Jewish... The good kind that is embraced by even the most ardent Muslim extremists.) So it has to be Angelina.
Posted by: Che Guevarito | June 21, 2005 at 05:14 AM
I still say Angelina Jolie is an experienced U.N. diplomat who can provide that organization with tough, no-nonsense leadership. As a bonus, she doesn't have that distracting mouth thing going like Bolton. Her name even sounds French.
On the surface Saddam looks like the ideal candidate, but the very fact that he has been known to fire hunting rifles off his porch is a bit too red State for my comfort. (Sean Penn would be my dream pick because of his endless crusade against gun violence, his great sense of humor, and his unyielding efforts to topple Bushitler. But the Neokkkon junta would never nominate him because he's Jewish... The good kind that is embraced by even the most ardent Muslim extremists.) So it has to be Angelina.
Posted by: Che Guevarito | June 21, 2005 at 05:17 AM
"U.N. Ambassador Saddam Hussein?"
Hey, why not? He's a progressyve man. Why else would us liberals continue berating Bu$hChimp for killing all these innocent Iraqis during a time of war when Saddam at least had the decency to murder his 500,000 during a time of peace. Goes to show you what a man of peace Saddam really was since he never declared war on the Iraqi people!
Posted by: Hankmeister | June 21, 2005 at 05:36 AM
I will have to punish the lot of you. Angelina Jolie is the code name for an undercover lap dancing interrogator at Gitmo. Whoever hacked their way into the Eff Bee Eye files and posted her intel on this site will be sent to one of Saddam's old bunkers and be forced to listen to Maria Carey's wispy soprano, with an underscore of Metallica. And that is just for starters. We have nude centerfolds of Hillary Clinton, Ruth Bader Ginsburg, and Janet Reno waiting your perusal. And then we will get ugly.
MUuuWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!
Posted by: LB | June 21, 2005 at 07:01 AM
After deposing Uncle Saddam from his rightful place as the Dear Leader of Iraq, the Bush junta makes him eat Cheetos while he studies for the global test.
Will they ever stop their crimes and let this distinguished statesman and humanitarian return to his natural vegan diet?
Posted by: al-Bundy Martyr Brigades | June 21, 2005 at 08:23 AM
I think you guys are jumping the gun,
Saddam hasn't even been released!
Would you like to sign the petition to do this?
Posted by: Jeremy | June 21, 2005 at 09:57 AM
I think you guys are jumping the gun,
Saddam hasn't even been released!
Did Nelson Mandela's followers wait until the KKK released him from the Selma, Alabama jail? Did Tupac's peeps wait for his body to assume room temperature before they capitalized on his tragic death by releasing "Donny, Marie and Tupac" and "Tupac Sings with the Chipmunks and Shit"? Did Howard Dean wait until he had a coherent thought before lashing out at Repugnicans? Does Howie wait until spell check is finished to post his comments?
NO!!! Now is the time to act! We can strategize later.
Posted by: Che Guevarito | June 21, 2005 at 12:04 PM
Now is the time to kill the bold font.
Damn Rovian agents!
Posted by: Che Guevarito | June 21, 2005 at 12:05 PM
You know, Papa S. and I go way back. I remember how teary eyed he'd get when having to send someone through the shredders. He would tell them that it hurt him more than it did them.
Of course, nothing compared to the children's centers he had all over Iraq. The man was way ahead of his time, a true progressyve when it came to government day care for children.
And the adult care facilities for the welfare recipients were matchless.
His teen programs were ahead of their time as Odious and Queasy attempted to counsel runaways and spent countless hours researching the web to help them in their quest.
It was enough to make Susan Sonntage die with envy, as she held Saddam up to us all as a model of a benevolent father-dictator figure and his groundbreaking programs for his people.
Yes, Papa Sad and Papa Joe.
*wipes a tear*
Posted by: Cr'ck't | June 21, 2005 at 12:29 PM
Che is right. That's the principle we use in the Brigades: Ready...Fire...Aim!
(Actually, it's Ready...Fire...Run like hell from the Marines, 'cause they're gonna be pissed!)
Posted by: al-Bundy Martyr Brigades | June 21, 2005 at 12:35 PM
Ah, you can run away but you'll only die tired.
Posted by: Cricket | June 21, 2005 at 12:58 PM
Ah, that's just like you infidel oppressors, crushing our Religion of Peace culture. Shooting is just the way our culture expresses itself. We shoot at weddings, New Year's Day, and at people breaking up our terrorist cells. As Sean abu-Penn (Peace be upon him) said, people in the west misinterpret this; when we shoot at you, we mean it in the best possible way.
It's a Muslim thing; you wouldn't understand.
Posted by: al-Bundy Martyr Brigades | June 21, 2005 at 01:15 PM
(Actually, it's Ready...Fire...Run like hell from the Marines, 'cause they're gonna be pissed!)
To be precise, we shoot, then say, "Last one outta here gets 72 virgins" and then split.
Posted by: al-Bundy Martyr Brigades | June 21, 2005 at 01:17 PM
Wow, warm fuzzies from the twisted turban crowd. I feel honored to know that you mean my death in the best possible way. May I reciprocate by responding that when
we detain you we mean it in the best possible way?
Whew. I am so glad there are no hard feelings.
Oh, and "LAST ONE OUT GETS THE VIRGINS!"
Posted by: Cricket | June 21, 2005 at 01:27 PM
There are still virgins?
Posted by: Rocky Smith | June 21, 2005 at 02:29 PM