John Kerry Has Bush's Number

Along with windsurfing, bicycling, and sucking the morale out of our armed forces like an industrial vac, John Kerry has the uncanny ability to predict the content of Bush's speeches and rebutt them in advance. There was little point in me watching Bush spew his jingoist propaganda last night, for Big John had it all covered. He knew that Bush would defy 200 years of presidential tradition and attempt to rally the nation with "Happy Talk" in a time of war. He knew that Bush would try to make us have faith in our country and pride in the troops, despite everything democrats have taught us. And he knew he had to do something about it.

Fearful of coming off like a sore loser, yet he finding himself unable to tolerate Bush's littany of lies, he tookpen in hand to criticize Bush's poorly planned war. A Vietnam war hero thrice wounded in combat, he courageously expressed his disatisfaction with a war he himself supported before he was against it, and that he boldly sort of supports now.

The New York Times was, of course, hesitant to risk their reputation of objectivity by publishing a partisan hit piece. But after going over Kerry's article with a fine-toothed comb and triple-checking all the facts, they threw caution to the wind and printed the article as a service to the American People.
Ever the optimist, Kerry predicted a gloomy outcome for the War in Iraq, unless Bush followed some key advice. Gleaned from previous Bush speeches and policy already in effect, Kerry's bold new ideas are perhaps our best chance to end the Quagmire in Iraq:

1. Bush must announce that the U.S. will not remain in Iraq permanently.

2. The Iraqis must be encouraged to form their own government and hold elections.

3. The Iraqis must be trained to defend themselves.

4. Saddam must be captured and held for trial.

Most importantly, a plan must be set for the withdrawal of our troops and presented to democrats in Congress or, cutting out the middle man, given directly to Al Zarqawi so he can get a jump on the killing fields when we depart.

Oh, America! How wrong you were to send such a brilliant mind back to Boston! What fools you were to toss this bright beacon of hope away like a handful of someone else's war medals! I weep for you, America, for you've missed the John Kerry swift boat of love!

Comments

[Fascist Spell Chequer]

"John Kerry has the uncanny ability to predict the cointent of Bush's speeches"

Perhaps a Freudian, Larry? Since Bush only cares about the oil and the Halibu-Jooooooos and their ilk.

Boy I hope Hillary doesn't have John Kerry Vince Fostered before the 08 elections. What a sign to the Rethugs that we progressieves have an abundance of viable candidas...uhmm...candidates.

[Damian G.]

(To the tune of "The Love Boat")
The Swift Boat...
Shipping on out to Boston Bay...
The Swift Boat...
Takes all your liberal cares away...

[Pat'sRick©]

Actually, I thought both "cointent" and "rebutt" were intentional, sending a subliminal, yet accurate message about the speaker. Perhaps my nuance mode went into overdrive. After all, the Democrat party symbol is a donkey. Another word for "donkey" is "ass" and another word for that would be "butt". And Gaia knows, he has lots of coin.

[Che Guevarito]

(To the tune of "The Love Boat")
The Swift Boat...
Shipping on out to Boston Bay...
The Swift Boat...
Takes all your liberal cares away...

Go to the 'Nam for Adventure,
(But don't over-do your stay).

The Swift Boat,
Soon he'll be making another run.
The swift boat,
Promising different things to everyone.

So put on your flip-flops,
And spend lots of of catsup cash.

[adam & stever]

Previously from J.F. "Jinjiss Khan" Kerry:

What about Kerry's brilliant plan to get "our" "allies" involved despite the fact that "our" "allies" have stated many times that they would not? What about Kerry's brilliant idea to have the Iraqi police trained within France? As everyone knows French trained gendarmes are bomb-proof and bullet proof as the French are always the very model of success in all things para-military.

Kerry would have been the best man to negotiate our surrender with the terrorists in Paris.

[Hankmeister]

This last November it was so refreshing voting for a presidential candidate who was so honest...even about his war crimes record. Did you know Mr. Kerry was a very progressive Vietnam Veteran? John Kerry certainly was our man.

And to show you what a moronic chimp Shrubya is, both he and John Kerry are wealthy men. Bush owns only one home, his ranch in Texas Kerry owns 4 mansions, all worth several million dollars plus is married to a woman worth at least $250 million. Bush paid $250,000 in taxes this last year; Kerry paid $90,000.

Clearly our war hero Kerry is the smarter man even though this might not match up with his stump speeches about the need to voluntarily pay more taxes if you are able. So it's no mystery how Kerry knows what Bu$Hitler is going to say before the Chimp even does!

[aelfheld]

I guess Kerry is employing lessons learned in Vietnam; he still leads from the rear.

[Liberal Larry]

"John Kerry has the uncanny ability to predict the cointent of Bush's speeches"

It was 11:00 at night. I had just spent six hours under the sink redecorating, and the fumes from the household cleansers were making me a little loopy.

I had actually published the original line as "John Kerry has the uncanny ability to predict Bush's speeches", but then I thought, "who doesn't?" They announce them in advance, just to ruin our day! And why are those purple squirrels dancing on the wall? Damn that Bush!

[Jeremy]

"What fools you were to toss this bright beacon of hope away like a handful of someone else's war medals!"

You're a genius!
You point of metaphors faster than Tarayaza can say "shove it!"

[al-Bundy Martyr Brigades]

(panting as he runs down an alley with Marines in hot pursuit)

"Hurry up, John Kerry abu-Boston! We can't hold on much longer! At least get the French involved, so we have a chance!"

[Friend of USA]

Can John Kerry predict when he will sign "form 180" and when we will be able to take a look at it?

The navy has over a hundred pages they can't release without his authorization.

Carter pardonned draft dodgers and traitors to america; what is Kerry afraid of, what is he hiding ?

[Cricket]

the fact that Carter pardoned him too...

*snark*

[Cricket]

The fact that Carter pardoned him too.

*snark*

[camojack]

I guess Kerry is employing lessons learned in Vietnam; he still leads from the rear.
Posted by: aelfheld | June 30, 2005 06:28 AM

At least he's consistent...he talks outta the rear, too.

[JannyMaeTSK]

Good heavens! This blog entry has been linked to Right Wing News! Congratulations, Larry! You must be awfully proud that those nasty right wingers are taking your progressyve self seriously! Hehehe!

[JannyMaeTSK]

...except that they are saying it's satire! Damn that Bush!

[Bilgeman]

Liberal Larry:
"I weep for you, America, for you've missed the John Kerry swift boat of love!"

Yeah, what a loss...and they also missed the rubber things and urine-soaked "roaches" that they'd get to harvest from the bilge pump suction strainers.

Y'know, if you're squeamish, you can rest those doobies atop the exhaust manifold and turn off the ventilation fans...happy incense in no time.

As for Kerry's rubber thingies...let's just say that we have our own liferaft stowed away, just for the engine gang.

And with the right kind of gas to fill it with, it'll double as a weather balloon.

Pretty kewl, huh? But, alas, you're correct. The goobers would rather follow along, shovels in hand, behind BushHitlerHalliCheney's big cattle-drive.

Regards;

[Friend of USA]

In ;

" A Vietnam war hero thrice wounded in combat "

I thought I was the third person to spot a typo ( thrice for twice... ), but alas my dictionnary confirmed Larry would not get thrice corrected...

On the other hand, thanks - indirectly - to Kerry, my english vocabulary has improved by one word.

[Cassandra]

Larry, I wish I'd come here when I saw that (*&&^%$## piece of crap from Jean Fraude. Well, I guess you hadn't written this yet so I couldn't, and then I was so freaking angry I just lost it.

This is just brilliant :) I bow to your Buddha nature, or whatever the heck it is that makes you write this stuff.

[Ledger]

Well, Liberal Ledger voted twice for Jingjiss Con Kerry. He is a true hero. The guy was awarded 3 purple hearts, for a piece of metal stuck in his butt (the man still gets hurrassed by Bush's Brown Shirts every time he goes though a metal detector). Yet, he had the KKKurrage to standup and fling someone's metals at the Rethugicans in congress. He even went back to Vietnam produced, directed, and acted in his now famous movie Apocalypse Cow (was that in the last thread?). Not many can claim those virtues. Yet, he was denied his right full place behind the PeeRisdental Podium (which would have had a Peace Sign instead of menacing presidential symbol) by the evil KKKarl Rove and his sock puppet Shrub. Now, as Jingjiss John has correctly pointed out, we are stuck in Quagmire like Ted Kennedy's car in the river. Who will tow us out? It sure will not be the French! If only I could have voted a 3rd time in Ohio.

[Friend of USA]

" Apocalypse cow "

Good one Ledger!

[howie]

Americans sould have paid attention to Sen. Kerry. He had a message of passive survival and progressive change that would work for America.

[Cricket]

howie, we did pay attention to Senator Kerry and REJECTED HIM.

[JannyMae]

Yes, Cricket, but that's because we aren't, "enlightened," progressives like Howie...and don't forget, Bush, "stole," this election, too! Isn't it great that we have someone as brilliant as Howie, to show us all the way to passive survival, "under the veil?"
Oh, excuse me, that should be, "enlihgtened progresivse," now shouldn't it? Too bad that Howie won't read anything other than leftist tripe, "he mihgt learn soemthnig."

[Cricket]

Bush stole the election? Now that's news. I thought he won it fair and square with Jean Flippe-Floppe Kerrierre conceding.

Of course, we knew it was only a matter of time...after sleeping on it near Tuhrayza
he decided to contest it, only to find that if there were ANY irregularities at the polls it was either someone who forgot the Immodium or the Democrats who disenfranchised their own voters.