Librarians, Defenders of Liberty

February 1, 2002. Shreveport Public Library, Shreveport, LA. Library assistant Myra Longtree is approached by two federal agents and asked to produce a patron's records. When she refuses, the agents thank her and leave. After years of counseling, Myra is back behind her desk at the library...but the emotional scars will always remain.

December 12, 2004. Boulder Public Library, Boulder, CO. Head Librarian Patricia Ratcliffe is sorting returned items when two meter maids enter the building. At first, she fears they may try to rig the computers to filter out pornography. But when they attempt to talk to her, she drops her books and runs screaming from the library. She barely makes it to a nearby safe house with her life intact, but her faith in American freedom and democracy will never be the same.

June 13, 2004. Downtown Seattle Library, Seattle, WA. Gladys Kotter glares through her horn-rimmed glasses at a student who is using one of the internet terminals to research a term paper. "For the last time," she hisses at him, "there are several homeless people waiting to surf kiddie porn on this terminal, and your fifteen minutes are up!" Suddenly, a dark shadow fills the room. Two sinister-looking men approach Gladys and flash their badges. "Good morning, Ma'am," one of them says. "We'd like to ask you a few questions about one of your patrons who may be involved in illegal activities." If Gladys' expression betrays any emotion, it is not shock or surprise. She knew this day would come ever since the US PATRIOT ACT was passed, and has been thoroughly trained to deal with just such an occasion. Before the fascists can draw their weapons, she unloads a toxic stream of pepper-spray into their eyes and locks herself in the back room, where her alert staff has already begun shredding everything they can get their hands on.

May 23, 2005. Foster Library, Tukwila, WA. Agnes Cooter is helping a patron surf porn when a man who resembles John Ashcroft walks into her library and asks directions to the elevator. When she declines to answer, he casually proceeds to the Religion & Philosophy section. As Agnes watches in horror, he removes a copy of the Holy Quran from the shelf WITH HIS LEFT HAND, and OPENS IT without facing Mecca or shouting "Allahu Ackbar!" nine times in a high-pitched, girlish screech. Agnes would later tell her family with tears streaming down her cheeks that if only for an instant, she knew what it was like to suffer the horrors of Guantanamo. But the Warrior Spirit runs deep in Agnes' veins. Her grandmother was gassed at People's Park. Her father took a beanbag to the groin at WTO. These jackbooted fascists could drag her off to Bush's gulag, but dammit they wouldn't take her without a fight!. She grabs an American flag from its stand and chases Ashcroft out into the parking lot. "FREEDOM!!!!," she roars as he gets climbs and unmarked Sedan and drives away. "FREEEEEEEDOOOOOOM!!!" Agnes has won this round, but he'll be back- and she'll be waiting for him.

When Congress passed the US PATRIOT Act and granted federal authorities the unheard of power to enter libraries and question people, it was done so with the promise that such power would never be abused. As witnessed in the above horror stories, that sacred promise has been broken. Whereas a court order used to be required to seize a patron's library records, federal agents can now walk into a library and obtain all sorts of information with merely a subpeona. If the cost of security is liberty, then it's a price I'm not willing to pay.

Courageous democrats are working tirelessly to dismantle the US PATRIOT Act and rebuild the pre-9/11 safety net of bureacracy. In the meantime, we must depend on the heroic efforts of the nation's librarians to protect our civil liberties from the evil machinations of the Bush Junta. More than just hysterical, overdramatic kooks, librarians are our last defense against those who seek to chip away at our civil liberties. Ever vigilant, never faltering, they will continue to stand watch over our precious civil liberties..like bitter, undersexed gargoyles.

Comments

[howie]

First

[howie]

So, «Liberal» Larry. I see you no longer have the link to «Scott ‹The Facist› Ott» (Scrapple Face). Why? Did he ban you, too?

[Friend of USA]

Larry,

Are you saying the government now has the names of each and evey person who ever borrowed an Arlequin romance novel from a local library?...Scary!!!

NOTA; The " bitter, undersexd gargoyles" link does not work - for me anyway...You think Bush is behind this?

[Hankmeister]

Damn, this is better than "Fahrenheit 451." With such brave progressyve womyn like that the government will never know that I checked out the "Anarchists Cookbook" fifteen years ago. Oh, wait...the library didn't have it because they didn't think that was appropriate reading material....hmmmmm, now where did I get that book?......Oh, oh, now I've done it, I've just admitted to having read the book. Liberal Larry, play like the good lybraryan and please don't rat me out.

[Pol Pothead]

Whoa, dude. Like, it's obvious that Senator Durbin is exactly right and sh*t -- the Bush junta is worse than Hitler, Mussolini, Franco, Pinochet, Jinjus Khan, Tamerlane, Ming the Merciless, Sauron, Black Manta, and pubic acne combined! I hope those brave librarians are able to, like, sufficiently recover from their experiences to be able to cash their Post Traumatic Stress Disorder disability checks and sh*t. Ol' Adolf didn't let homeless people dig on pre-pube orgy websites on his library computers, either. Think about it, and sh*t.

Your old progressyve buddy Pol totally had another run-in with the forces of Creeping Theocratic Fascism too, man. What's more, it's apparently some new type of pig Bushco and their KKKristian lackeys have put on the street. I'm just driving along, like, minding my own business, when this badged oinker steps right out in front of my Renault leCar and orders me to stop. No warrant, court order, UN resolution, or anything. So, I totally floored it, scattering the group of chyldren the oinker was obviously using as human shields, and sped away to safety at top speed (32mph). Dunno what type of jackboot the pig was, since my glaucoma was harshing in a major way, but it looked like she had something like 'Cross Guard' on her uniform. The Bushevik answer to the Saudi Mutaween religious pigs, no doubt.

Amerikkka. We're worse than the f*cking Romulans, man.

[JannyMaeTSK]

Hey, Larry, linky brokee!

Oh, lookie, Howie's back! Mustn't be getting any hits on his blog again. Yawn.

[Damian G.]

I was in the library once, and I saw a young man - get this - BREATHING on the Holy Qu'ran!!!
I immediately wet myself, crawled into the foetal position and cried until the man scoffed in disgust and walked away.
I then consoled the Qu'ran saying, "Poor baby! The mean White Man won't bother you any more."
I made sure to wear gloves, of course.
Goddess have mercy on us infidel American scum!!!
Praises be to Dick Durbin!!!
UH-LUH-LUH-LUH-LUH!!!

[Friend of USA]

Pol, like excellent comment and shit dude!

Pubic acne man, that's a major bitch!
Let's hope adult stem cell research finds us a cure for that before it spreads to Canada.
Wouldn't want to have to put in place an ear-flap-hat vigilante force at the border that goes : "Drop your pants eh or I'll shoot eh!"
With acne medication cheaper on our side , you never know, could happen...

I'm sure it says somewhere in a big book at the UN that Driving a Renault Le Car grants you international immunity; It makes you temporary French ( those from France, the arrogant kind. they are annoying but harmless, and they tend to surrender at the drop of a Beret )

The following vignettes - technically - are still on topic because I read that in a BOOK at the LIBRARY where they probably sent my file - illegaly - across the border to the FBI or AmazonBooks.com...

Instant vignette ( just add California wine and shake or stir as you prefer ); The French from France have never really won a war - unless they got help - and neither have the French Canadians.

Bonus vignette; The French Canadians lost to British soldiers* at Quebec, Canada in 1759 which explains - in part - why we have the Queen's face on our Canadian dollars and not Celine Dion's.

*It took all of 30 minutes for the British to defeat the French Canadians...

[Hankmeister]

"*It took all of 30 minutes for the British to defeat the French Canadians"
Friend of USA

I once saw an advertisement in one of those jackbooted NRA publications, The Shotgun News, that had a picture of a French MAS 36 WWII rifle with the headline: "Once dropped, never fired." I didn't think that was very funny.

BTW, have you noticed how the two great wars of the 20th Century are labeled WWI and WWII? See, this was a precognitive portent of George W, vis a vis his BushWChimp/RoveHimmler warmongering kkkabal, sowing dissention and hatred throughout the world in hopes of forcing Jesus to come back a second time to slay progressyves and start a theocracy. I think progressyves need to seriously consider protesting this Second Coming if it ever does happen. I mean, who wants a theocracy even if its run by God the Son himself.

[Me]

bitter,
undersexed gargoyles

[Bubblehead]

If the Guild belongs to, or is associated with, the librarians, shouldn't there be an apostrophe or something on that banner? Just asking... maybe I should ask my local progressive librarian!

[M. Simon]

You guys have to stop making fun of people like Senator Durbin who calls himself Dick.

[howie]

Excuse me. JannyMaeSTP. I get plenty of hits on my blog thamk you very much. My posting on other blgs is to educate. Why do'nt you start your own blog? You and Stifflersmomto10, Mrs. Evl Neocon, and KKKat sould all have blogs. You realy should. I would post there.

[JannyMaeTSK]

Okay, I can view the pic now, and question that pops into my head, is: "Which one is Marian?"

[howie]

I actually have a new thread up; youshould read it. You mihgt learn something.

[aelfheld]

Whereas a court order used to be required to seize a patron's library records, federal agents can now walk into a library and obtain all sorts of information with merely a subpeona.

Y'all need to learn to spell. Then maybe you can stop wetting yourselves, crawl out from under your sinks, and un-knot your panties.

A subpoena is a court order. I don't know what the Hell a subpeona is supposed to be, but I figure it's either some sort of flower or what y'all are going to be to your Musselman masters.

And would someone take the time to get these hysterical librarians liquored up and laid? Sounds like they're way overdue.

[JannyMaeTSK]

Aelfheld said: "And would someone take the time to get these hysterical librarians liquored up and laid? Sounds like they're way overdue."

Did you look at the picture? Hehehe

[Pol Pothead]

aelfheld:
"And would someone take the time to get these hysterical librarians liquored up and laid? Sounds like they're way overdue."

I'm, like, totally prepared to sacrifice almost anything for the Cause of Socialism and sh*t -- my valuable time, your money, your lives, your chyldryn's lives. But dude... I have seen their picture and, like, progressyve systers or not, frankly... even I wouldn't lay 'em, even with a stolen schlong.

And FoUSA:
While you sometimes, like, frighten me and sh*t with your reactionary lapses to the point that I have to wipe, I totally dig those vignettes of yours.

[Hankmeister]

"I would post there."
Posted by: howie | June 18, 2005 08:43 AM

That would be a good reason not to start a blogsite, howie.

[Ditzy Chick]

I'm not too keen on either the Democrat party and ESPECIALLY not the Rethugs, so I'm thinking of becoming a Librarian.

[JannyMaeTSK]

Hankmeister, I couldnt' agree more. I couldn't think of a better reason NOT to start a blog!

If I had a blog, and Howie posted there, could I delete his comments, like he's done with a lot of mine?

[Shroomhead]

I can't believe the Chimpster is still obsessing over 9/11. Wasn't that like 4and 1/2 years ago.
These librarians should have auto-lock doors,so they can let in only people that do not fit a Fed. look.
I mean, couild you imagine people still looking for Nazi's 5yrs. after WWII.
The events are so over and the threat is nill.
How Bushitler can still scare enough morons to keep out a real president from taking office,is beyond my 8 brain cells comprehension.(wow I think I spelled that last word right)

[howie]

JammyMae vignetted:

If I had a blog, and Howie posted there, could I delete his comments, like he's done with a lot of mine?

Yes, Jan (Can I call U Jan?), you could. As mch as your deletion-obscessed heart desires.

[JannyMaeTSK]

Sorry, Howie, but I'm not the one who's obsessed with deleting posts--YOU are!

The truth is painful, isn't it, Howie?

[African Moonbat]

Howie,

Your blog has become boring. I stopped visiting it after my debate with Matt. I had a quick peek at your new thread. Obviously your picture is the one Larry tried to link to.