The Rise of Hate Radio

Liberal blogger Greensmile at The Executioner's Thong has bravely tackled the issue no one else will - the dark allure of hate radio. After flitting around the subject like a giggly teen at the mall, he ultimately came to the obvious conclusion that Rush Limbaugh is Hitler. While I find Greensmile's innocent, special-needs-child opinion on politics cute and adorable, I'm afraid he only managed to scrape the surface of hate radio's hypnotic control over the sheeplike Red State masses, and the irreparable damage it is doing to our democracy.

In the old days, your average Cro-Magnon con would crawl out of his bourgeois cave in the suburbs every morning and give a friendly wave to his progressive neighbor, who was out of work but enjoying the day relaxing in his hammock and listening to the ball game. He'd catch the bus to his job, put in a full 8 hour shift, then shuffle home with the portion of his paycheck the benevolent government allowed him to keep. He'd wave to his progressive neighbor - who was still relaxing in his hammock - and then prepare to do some yardwork.

The conservative enjoyed his yardwork, even with the 95 cents per foot Lawn Modification Fee he paid each year to provide free landscaping for his unemployed neighbor. He'd open his garage to retrieve his lawnmower, and then suddenly remember that he hocked it to pay off the Lawn Tax. No matter, he could hardly afford the 50 cents a gallon gas tax the state imposed in order to provide free hammocks for his unemployed neighbor anyway. So he'd trim his lawn by hand, with a pair of scissors. It wouldn't be too difficult, for although he was expected to pay property tax on all of his land, he was only allowed to make improvements on 10% of it - pending an environmental review and a $200 lawn modification permit.

So our complacent conservative would drop to his knees and prepare to clip the remaining two blades of grass he was still legally permitted to cut, when a man from the city's Bureau of Lawn Management would appear and slap him with a $500 fine for damaging the breeding grounds of the endangered three-toed lawn frog, which lived about 15 miles away but needed a 50 mile radius of undeveloped land or else it got really cranky. He'd also get nailed with a $200 fine for violating a local ordinance against allowing his lawn to grow too long, a $150 fine for leaving his garage door open, plus a $25 sin tax on the scissors to keep his disadvantaged neighbor supplied with those fruity cocktails with the tiny umbrellas in them. The con might get a little miffed. Perhaps he would even feel the urge to complain. But then his friendly neighbor would chide him for being selfish and greedy.

"Have you no compassion, you heartless repug?" he'd ask.

So, our cro-mag con would quietly resign himself to paying his fair share. He'd drink a case of Pabst Blue Ribbon, beat up his wife, then pass out on the floor of his cave until it was time to obediently catch the bus back to work again.

Voila! Democracy!

Then along came conservative talk radio. Our cro-mag, wife-beating con now flicks on his little Hate Box and hears Rush Limbaugh bloviating about how the city of Santa Monica is imposing a new Eyebrow Tax in order to build wheelchair ramps next to dumpsters so handicapped homeless people can dine in style. He hears Sean Hannity yammering about a new Spam Tax in Seattle to fund free gender modification surgery for Sen. Patty Murray. The repug begins to get the idea that he's not alone, that there are others out there who share his political views and are as insane as he is. He starts asking questions. He gets involved in politics. He buys an SUV and joins conservative hate groups like the Klu Klux Klan and the Catholic Church. He demands lower taxes and less wasteful government spending - the exact opposite of what our Founding Fathers intended. He may even begin to read subversive literature from reknowned fascists like Ayn Rand and Barry Goldwater.

Previously unable to string two coherent ideas together, our cro-mag con now revels in arguing with us - not with knowledge bestowed upon him by brilliant UC Berkeley professors or progressive politicians, but with little soundbites of hate injected into his puny primitive brain by a right-wing demagogue of choice. Desensitized by the trademark animalistic violence of conservative talk radio, he no longer listens to the calming, soothing wisdom of his progressive neighbor. Instead, he knocks the poor man out of his government-issued hammock, calls him "lazy", and tells him to "get a job". If he's especially pathetic, our cro-mag con might start his own conservative blog, and use it as a platform to espouse his twisted political ideals.

From there, it's only a hop, skip and a goosestep to blowing up abortion clinics for Jesus.

Because of conservative talk radio, America is more divided than ever. The level of political discourse has never been lower, thanks to the actual participation of conservatives in political discourse. Sadly, until the hatemongering Rush Limbaughs of the airwaves are silenced, we will continue to inch closer to the brink of a fascist slave state.

That's not the democracy my ancestors fled to Canada to avoid fighting for. That's not the America I want to live in.

Comments

[aelfheld]

[...] gender modification surgery for Sen. Patty Murray.

What a surprise. I didn't know s/he/it had one to modify.

[camojack]

Rush Limbaugh is Hitler? Wait, I thought Bush was Hitler!

Will the real Hitler please come to the white courtesy phone...

[Guvner Greggoirre]

Patty Murray is smoking hot.

[spd rdr]

This is your brain:

The whole history of the progress of human liberty shaows that all concessions yet made to her august claims have been born of earnest struggle....Itf there is no struggle, there is no progress. Those who profess to favor freedom, and yet deprecate agitation, are men who want crops without plowing up the ground, they want rain without thunder and lightning. They wan the ocean without the awful roar of its many waters.
-Frederick Douglass

This is your brain on laxatives:

Considering how often history has featured a little hatred parlayed into an orgy of horror , one does not need a conspiracy theory to sense that "here we go again": simple weaknesses of the human animal suffice to account for "strong trends and weak orchestration" leading eventually to 'weak resistance to entrenched control".
-Greensmile

Progress?

[Hankmeister]

No, Limbaugh is Stalin, Bush is Hitler, Karl Rove is Goebbels and all those who died in the twin towers are "little Eichmanns".

I read it somewhere that the acronym NAZI actually stood for National Christian Conservative Party and CCCP stood for Christian Right-Wing Socialist Party. That's why our form of Democratic Socialism will work when the Nazi and Soviet socialist systems failed because we are making sure there are no Christian influences in our political ideology.

[DancesWithBullets]

Close Hank. Actually Bush is Hitler, Limbaugh is Goebels and KKKarl Rove is Himmler.
THe little Eichmans are just little Eichmans but Condoskeeza is more like The actual Eichman than the little Eichmans are like the Hitler youth, who are actually like the Boy Scouts.
Circuler...Its all Circuler.

[Hankmeister]

I stand corrected. I forgot about the Boy Scouts being the Brown Shirts. And all the progressives in America symbolize the Jooooooosss, right?

And may Gaia be with you and your significant other, whomever she or he may be.

[DancesWithBullets]

Its important that we all maintain Universal oneness Lest the facsists repress us all.
We progressives are only like the Joos in the way that we are repressed by the KKKonservitive Jesus freaks. Although we shouldn't be confused with the Israelis that are actually more like the Belgians who were not quite Smarmy enough to be French but not blood-thirsty enough to be German and are solely responsible for starting WW2 for being in the wrong place and existing. Just remember, if it wasn't for Belgium John Kerry would have never been labled as a Waffler and he would have won the election thereby ensuring free abortions for all Gaias children and Grandma would get to keep her social security check. Oh yeah and the draft,we wouldn't have a draft now if it wasn't for Belgium. Bastards.

[Che Guevarito]

I stand corrected. I forgot about the Boy Scouts being the Brown Shirts. And all the progressives in America symbolize the Jooooooosss, right?

Wait, Hank. Are those the good Joooosss, who vote the way we think they should, or the bad joooosss (without a capital 'J"), like Dr. Laura, Kissinger, or Ben Stein?

What is wrong with the world? Between these black repugnicans, Joooish KKKonservatives, and pro-life womyn, next thing you know Hollywood will abandon us.

I wish everyone would just act like they're supposed to. We should make a law.

[Stephen]

For Christ's sake, Larry, when are you going to savage my weblog?

I feel left out.

I am a complete Neanderthal. I call womyn "Girls"! I ride a Harley. I have sex with heterosexual womyn, and I am a man.

I prayed this morning! Something must be done.

[Cricket]

Larry knows you are beyond hope. I have been pestering him to put his notes and course syllabus for the midget studies class he teaches at Evergreen up here.

[greensmile]

I guess you can't speak against hatred by speaking with hatred. I certainly failed. I'll take it as a lesson of some kind. This isn't a dialog, its a crash scene.

BTW, I get more than a few chuckles reading your blog.

[Tongueboy]

Will the real Hit-ler please stand up, please stand up...

[Captain Holly]

I think I've nailed the reason for the popularity of talk radio:

When I was in the military, one day (before we went out to massacre the inhabitants of a local village and steal their oil) the doc implanted a chip into my right buttock. They said it was for identification purposes but now I know better.

Whenever I drive past a Large Corporate Oppressor Box Store (Wal Mart) or National Environmental Despoiler Fast Food Restaurant (McDonald's) I have this uncontrollable urge to listen to Rush Limbaugh. And whenever I drive past any Right-Wing Homophobe Church I simply cannot resist turning to Sean Hannity.

Coincidence? I think not.

Anyway, I'd really like to get this removed, but since I don't have health insurance (thanks to BusHitler) I was wondering if anyone knew of a free clinic where I could get this done.

[Che Guevarito]

I know of a great clinic in Colorado. They can remove a lot of things, although I'm not sure if they do chips.

You'll definitely come out of there a changed man.

[Stalin Lives In Boston]

Larry,

I would like to thank you for your daily updates to Ickybusts blog. Your "updates" are awesome.

[Bubblehead]

I'll tell you how twisted hate radio is. I forced myself to listen to it today, and not one of them agreed with Olympics daytime host Jim Lampley's incontrovertible proof that the last "s"election was stolen. What a bunch of close-minded goobers!

[Pol Pothead]

Dudes, the truth just keeps a-flowing like a relentless tide of bongwater around here! I'm just totally glad and sh*t that somebody finally had the cojones to finally face the issue of Reich-Wing Hate Radio finally. Limbaugh and Hannity and Dr. Laura and the Tappet Brothers and all the other Eichmanns in Hate Radio are just totally moving this country toward Fascism and sh*t. Like, the only way to stop this creeping Fascism is to outlaw all non-tolerant speech and then round up all the right-wingers and put them in 'Death with Dignity' camps. And, like, I'll volunteer to be one of the first to put on the Jackboots of Progressyvysm and kick in a few Doors of Intolerance so that the Boxcars of Enlightenment can roll ahead to the Ovens of Compassion. And other sh*t like that.

[bluestateredneck]

The crude and undisguised hatred sears me. My sojourn into Cambodia is seared into my brain. There seems to be a lot of searing going on among us progressive not a nazis. My ass is still seared from the massive dump I took this morning. I seared my tofu, rice cake steak last night. Coincidence, I think not.

[CKCat]

Hey Larry,
I HATE YOU! There--put THAT in your hate mailbag and smoke it!

At least I was considerate enough to give you something to smoke while your bong is in the shop for upgrades. (is the American Chopper crew working on it?)

Furthermore, your followers (warshippers) know better than to think you actually get ANY real hate mail. Hence, I supplied you with some.

[Barbara BoxEater]

KKKat,

It's about time you woke up to the abysmal panderings of Lactating Larry.

He is so stupid he makes Busche look like a freaking Rogue Scholar.

When me and my life partner Hillary conquer the world in 2008 there will be hell to pay for all you deposed neocon rubbish.

Did you see in the latest poll taken by the Labia Institute that Hillary has an approval rating of 69%?

Is that ironic or what? Her poll numbers match our favorite position.

Excuse me now while I go and brush my teeth. Hillary is hot but not all that clean if you know what I mean.

[Friend of USA]

Hate radio you say ?

How about this excerpr, stolen from the drudge report;

DEM CONGRESSMEN: CONSERVATIVE VOICES ON PBS MAY BE ILLEGAL

Two congressional Democrats called Wednesday for an investigation into recent activities by the Corporation for Public Broadcasting, suggesting that efforts by the Republican chairman of the private nonprofit to add more conservative programs onto PBS may violate federal law.

They called recent actions taken by CPB Chairman Kenneth Tomlinson ``disturbing' and ``extremely troubling.'

[JannyMae]

I happen to know that Barney is a like-minded progressive, with the same intelligence level as Howie. Oh, wait, maybe that's the other way around! But I thought that Big Bird and Oscar the Grouch were conservatives. If so, why would they need any, "balance," on PBS.

[CKCat]

If so, why would they need any, "balance," on PBS.

They don't need to go all extreme with some reichwing gestapo talking head. All they'd have to do to be balanced is let one of the hetero TeleTubbies come out of the closet!

[Friend of USA]

If they let conservatives have half a minute per month on PBS, Liberals will consider that fair and balanced.