Bush Killing the Happy Little Squirrels in Our Bob Ross Version of Reality

High-Fives to Harry Reid for telling it like it is yesterday. Bush simply must not be allowed to place extremist judges on the bench, many of whom are grossly inexperienced and haven't written a single law in their entire careers. The GOP's attempt to implement an up-and-down vote on judicial confirmations is a nothing more than a thinly veiled attempt to fill our courts with right-wing Uncle Toms who interpret the Constitution literally, rather than figuratively.

Despite what Bush and the repugs want us all to believe, the Constitution is not a lifeless, inanimate object, but a great big living, breathing forest, with a little bubbling creek that trickles through a pretty meadow. Our Founding Fathers left all sorts of wonderful critters in our happy forest, and you can see them yourself if you're a progressive judge, and you squint really hard.

Look! There's one! Can you see him? It's a happy little squirrel! His name is "A Woman's Right to Choose", and he's right there where Thomas Jefferson put him. Hello, Woman's Right to Choose!

And here comes three happy bunnies hopping through our pretty meadow! Why, if it isn't "A Right to Free Health Care", and "A Right to a Living Wage!" And who is that happy little black bunny tagging along? Why, it's "Affirmative Action"! Ha ha! Look at him go! He can sure keep up with the white bunnies now that they've leveled the meadow.

Ooooh! Look who they've brought with them! It's "A Right to Die with Dignity", the cutest little squirrel in the whole forest! He's been so happy since they yanked his feeding tube. Where he is off to in that feather boa and funny rainbow-colored hat? Oh, I bet I know! He's going to visit his best friends, "Gay Rights" and "Same-Sex Marriage".

And look...here's a big happy ol' chipmunk! His name is Harry. Isn't he the cutest thing? Harry doesn't like all the mean old conservative judges that crazy Cowboy in the big white cabin keeps nominating. So Harry's going to squeak and squeak and squeak until all the other little forest creatures give up and let him have is way. Go get 'em, Harry!

Oh no! Here comes that mean ol' Cowboy now! He's pouring arsenic into our creek and drilling a big ugly oil well right in the middle of our pretty meadow! His posse of Strict Constructionists are biting the heads off all our happy little critters and chopping down the trees with their big Patriot Axe!

SWEET MOTHER OF GAIA, HOW MANY LIMBS DOES MAX TREELAND HAVE TO LOSE BEFORE SOMEONE WILL STOP THE MEAN COWBOY FROM TURNING OUR HAPPY FOREST INTO A BARREN, LIFELESS MOONSCAPE????

Comments

[LC TripleNeckSteel]

Ha! First!

I blame Bush for stubbing my toe this morning...if he hadn't ignored the Kyoto treaty, it wouldn't have been so overcast and dark this morning, and I would've seen the corner of my dresser.

[JannyMae]

Larry, you have truly outdone yourself! Squirrely indeed! Still laughing and laughing!

[CKCattitude]

Good Gaia, Larry! Doing overtime under the sink today???

Professym, it is with fear & trembling (akin to Dorothy & her cross dressing friends in Oz approaching the Wizard--- and--- hoping you're not one of those mean slapping apple trees) that I direct your attention to:

"....vote on judicial confirmations is a nothing more than a thinly veiled attempt...." [if you're Italian, then of course it's not a type-o]

"Where he is off to in that feather boa and funny rainbow-colored hat? [could be the under the sink stash that has you talking drawkcab, too.]

Go ahead, Professym, call me a fascist. Truth be told, I only pointed it out cuz I just LOVE it when you talk dirty to us!

But, nyah nyah nyah nyah....being just slightly more than an inch shy of being 6ft. tall, ya can't toss me like a midget! phhhbbbttthhh! Put that in your Glade® plug in and smoke it!

[DancesWithBullets]

Happy Birthday, even though if your mother had any decensy she would have aborted you while you were still a parasite within her as was her right and duty to do so. Perhaps she was drunk? Damn that Bush forcing her into a depression that requires healing with whiskey and Marlboro reds because without government funded health care its imposible to get help in a hospital from a bar.
Damnit!!Igotsoangrytypingthatlastsentence
Ibrokethespacebaronmykeyboard
DAMNthatBUSH!!!!!

[JannyMae]

DancesWithBullets! Your poor spacebar, yet another Bush casualty!

Happy birthday, Larry. That's presuming that the anonymous poster is on the level, and it really is your birthday!

[CKCattitude]

Professym LL,
I paid tribute to your uterine expulsion anniversary on the "Retract This" thread.
With the respect to Muthuh' Gaia, I didn't want to send TWO cards.
Contractions, retractions...it's all relative.

[crazylikeafox]

squirrels talked to you in a forrest on the Constitution? Why didn't you share the shrooms with the rest of us? I bet Bush had something to do with it. He probably stole all your shrooms except the one you already ate, didn't he?! Damn that Bush! He's foiled our plans and fun for the last time! It's a good thing I keep a stash of shrooms hidden from Big Brother! I would type more, but my keyboard just told me to quit hitting it.

[Bilgeman]

Leninist Larry;

Happy Birthday you pinko. We'd throw you a party but it seems that you have already celebrated the occasion by dropping a few tabs of XTC and watching Disney cartoons.

I used to try that, but once I was watching "Snow White" while on 4 tabs of blotter and I started divining that the flick was actually allegorical Marxist propaganda in support of the Roosevelt Administration's Socialist New Deal.

(The poisoned apple represented the retention of the gold-based standard for our currency).

I came to after licking the TV screen in an attempt to know what yellow tasted like,(dust, in case you were wondering), and I realized I had a problem and checked into rehab to take the cure.
(Once my shipmates unwrapped the duct tape they had mummified me with and removed me from the 55 gallon drum I'd been stowed in to keep me out of trouble, that is)

I haven't watched a Disney flick since.

My advice is to leave those tapes and DVD's for the ankle biters and tricycle motors they were meant for.

Regards;

[camojack]

Some people think that your posts are satire. Imagine that...

Still others think that your posts are not satire.

IMAGINE THAT!!!

Excellent work, mon amí!

[Che Guevarito]

I hope you take advantage of this day and call your mother and scold her for not choosing to snuff you out in the third trimester like nature intended. Better yet, call your Republican grandma and place all the blame on her for not snuffing out Mom. That should make your birthday happy.

You must've scared the bejezus out of Pol with all the talk about squirrels. Or is he afraid of those fictitious squirrels the repugs keep introducing, like Rambo squirrel (the right to buy machine guns at Wal-Mart), the Ground Squirrel (property rights), or Jesus Squirrel (the right to practice religion outside the confines of the crawlspace under "your" house)?

They believe in these things, honestly. You can't make this stuff up!

[aelfheld]

Felicitations on your birthday.

Try not to indulge too heavily in the household cleaners when you celebrate under the sink.

For your viewing pleasure, I recommend Bambi meets Godzilla - it seems to appropriate in light of the above.

[mecca3048]

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, LARRY!

Don't let Bush spoil your day, he tends to seek out great progressive professyms on their birthdays and remind them of their mother's poor choice to not exercise her right to choose. Blast! He's always one step ahead!

[Pol Pothead]

It's happening again, man! It's happening again! The bogusness! The total bogusness! AAAAH!!

(three calming hits from a bong of Acapulco Gold cut with Valium and Cheez-Wiz)

Oh man. What do I do, and sh*t? I finally find, like, a persyn I can, you know, respect and sh*t. An enlightened and caring Professym who can guide me like one of those guiding-things through the Bush Dark Age. And then it happens again! The one I put my trust and faith and sh*t in turns out to be part of the f*cking VAST GLOBAL SQUIRREL CONSPIRACY!! Just like the last twenty-three-and-a-half times!

(tortured sobbing and whimpering, followed by another hit off the Cheez-Bong)

Like, why did you do it, Larry? Why did you totally sell out to the sciuridae griseus? Don't you realize what your new masters are?! Sure, like, squirrels may look cute and fluffy and sh*t, but just look at the tails, man! The tails! Don't you see what those tails are...? Do I have to spell it out slowly?

Squirrel. Tails. Are. Like. Totally. Bushy. And. Sh*t.

That's right. Bushy.

You do the non-outcome-based, gender-neutral revised math. I'll be, like, hiding in the pantry. With my squirrel gun.

[JannyMae]

Wow! Pol Pothead you're getting better! You were able to come out of the pantry long enough to type that post! Good for you! I wish you'd show me to type, though, while you are holding your squirrel gun in one hand! That's very impressive typing!

Thanks for clearing that up about the, "Bushy," tails on those squirrels. I haven't trusted squirrels ever since I saw my first Tex Avery, "Screwy Squirrel," cartoon. Vicious, evil little things, with sociopathic personalities! Here, Pol Pothead (damn I'd love to abbreviate that to, "PP"), you take an extra couple of hits on the bong!

[CKCattitude]

Whaddya wanna bet Shrubya doesn't have ONE Bob Ross painting hanging ANYWHERE in the (hijacked/stolen/ill gained) Whitehouse? NOT ONE! I'll betcha he refused his daughters the joy of ever taking lessons from Mr. Ross, and probably never ONCE permed his hair in the chique Bob Ross style. All of which could never be said of the distinguished Senatewhore Reid!

[Rocky]

Thanks be to Gaia that Dingy Hairy Reid is looking out for us forest critters. Someone has to keep us sqirrels flying high. Those of us a little light in the loafers also appreciate his interpretation of the Constitution as just another fractured fluffy fairy tail.

[Damian G.]

Which animal represents embryonic stem-cell research? Or taking "God" out of the Pledge of Alliegance?

[Bilgeman]

I heard from a guy who knows some guys in the White House maintenance crew,
(did I mention how much the plumbers HATE having Texans in the White House?...Mexican food and lotsa red meat...a HORROR what that stuff does to the plumbing...and the old timers still tell tales of the legendary LBJ "Impasse" that blocked the pipes during summer '66...you thought it was industry that polluted the Potomac? A CIA/FBI cover story. LBJ's Texan bowels are what polluted that American Scenic Waterway, bank on it).

Anyway, the guys relate that Shrubya has had the military develop really small, really sensitive land mines, and has the Secret Service boys bury 'em on the South Lawn every Friday night so that on Saturday afternoon Chimpy and KKKRove can spend hours smoking PCP on the balcony and tossing out peanuts to lure innocent squirrels into their miniature minefields.

They call it "SquIraq"...or so I've heard.

But you didn't hear it from me....

Regards;

[Squirrelly Seductress]

*luring Pol Pothead outta the pantry with a fresh bong of Acapulco Gold cut with Valium and Cheez-Wiz)*

[* on the outside of the door, with sultry voice*] "Hey babe, I've got something for ya..... Here Ya Go, Pol-Pot, because I care. All better now?" [*maniacal, cackling laughter ensues*.....]

[JannyMae]

But Rocky, FLYING squirrels are KEWL!

[camojack]

Bullwinkle Moose: Hey Rocky! Watch me pull a rabbit outta my @$$!!!
Rocket J. Squirrel: AGAIN?!

Bullwinkle was the archetypical felcher...

[Ledger]

Just how do you think to those drilling rigs were powered? By squirrels of course! How do you think that big white cabin was built? By a warmongering cowboy swinging a Patriot Ax and Max Treeland's limbs. And, if the little critters step off the wheel? It's Ozzy Osbourne and headless little critters at a redneck rock concert.

[Cricket]

Barren moonscape for the moonbats who live there in their cleaning chemical induced dreams. Brilliant metaphor.

[MaxedOutMama]

We are not worthy, O Liberal Larry. We wait humbly for the crumbs dropping from your august table of legalistic wisdom.

[Kajun News]

Fast forward to the year 2010. NEWSWEAK Headline: 90% of Ghia's Forest Creatures Covered With Spotted Owl Sh*t!