The Pope's Failed Legacy

Hundreds, perhaps thousands, of superstitious biblethumpers poured into St. Peter's Square this morning to bid a final farewell to Pope John Paul II, and quietly reflect upon his life and legacy.

But before we drown ourselves in a sea of saccharine sentimentalism, perhaps we should ask ourselves if we are better off spiritually than we were 26 years ago. Does the average "sinner" stand a better chance of getting into "Heaven" than he did before the Pope took office? Or is the "Kingdom of God" still an exclusive country club for the goody-two-shoes Christian elite?

John Paul II was hailed as being a harbinger of hope for the world's poor, but for many inner-city fornicators, Heaven is still a dream left unrealized - a distant fantasy world where rich people go when they die. Despite the glorious counter-culture movement of the 1960's, there's still a big sign on the pearly gates that reads "No Sodomites Allowed", and getting oral sex from an employee behind your wife's back is still considered "adultery" even if Jesse Jackson forgives you. While the rest of the world has learned to embrace and celebrate our differences, the Pope did nothing to make Heaven more accessible to those of us who don't necessarily follow the Ten Commandments as if they were chiseled in stone.

In fact, the Catholic Church actually discourages fornication and even has a policy of preaching against it. As history has shown, such strict adherence to antiquated notions of right and wrong only leads to religious intolerance. People are going to fornicate anyway. Why not give them the spiritual guidance to do so safely and correctly? A condom machine in the vestibule would go a long way towards preventing another Spanish Inquisition.

If the Pope has left behind a legacy, it's a failed one. Instead of travelling the world and yammering on and on about Jesus, he could have been a little more concerned about getting his flock into Heaven.

Comments

[Cricket]

Not only that, he was totally against Fetal Expulsion.
What effect this had on the Womyn's Welfare State was that more kids sucked at the state's teats. That meant my kids couldn't play soccer, or go to Little League because some womyn wanted her multi sired flock to
thrive.

I was forced into using Alternative Birth Control Methods such as abstinence, getting a job to support myself and the State Parasites, as well as ugly glasses from the Army.

He may not have gotten his flock into heaven, but he sure showed them how to fleece others!

[Malcolm X Marx the spot]

God bless you, Papa.

George "Chimpy" Bush still sucks.

[Dean04Prez]

Teh pope was a simply a tool for the neocon war machine used most by the worst neocon ever (regan) to cast bad feelnigs aganst progressives socialists. Nothign more.

He aslo did not do NEthing for the palestinian kids like buying them cd's. I am now collecting charitble donations from like minded progressives like me and also any neocons taht have any humanity left to buy Green Day cds for less fortunate palestinian children.

That is was true like minded progressives like me do. we thikn of the children.

[CKCat]

"If the Pope has left behind a legacy, it's a failed one.............he could have been a little more concerned about getting his flock into Heaven."==Liberal Larry

Yeah, a colossal failure--that legacy. His is not a flock of the willing, but a flock of the inbibed and the cohersed [and condemned!].

"P" stands for phailed papalcy, phailed pontificating, phlocking phailure.

Is it ok to call him a phacist, even though Scott Ott isn't his son?

[stoorat]

This reminds me of when, in Star Wars, a young Boba Fett walked into a cathedral to seek forgiveness for having harrassed Han Solo for so long and also for killing a bunch of Ithorians. But the arch-bishop was actually Luke Skywalker's recently discovered cousin, Gary, and it turns out that he was not only a jedi, but also a level 23 paladin, and he just up and chopped off Fett's head without even an offer for confessional.

Now that I think about it, that may have been a fanfic--I don't remember that many naked Twi'leks in the original movies. But it was a beautifully liberal fanfic, nonetheless!

[camojack]

Re: "sacchrine sentimentality"...

Honorable Larry-san...is hooey/dean4putz affecting your editorial skilz? [sic]

Say it ain't sew!!!

[David Brock's altar boy]

Is it ok to call him a phacist, even though Scott Ott isn't his son?

First, my child, let me preface this comment by announcing that, as an elligible candidate(unmarried Catholic male) I would like to announce my candidacy for Pope. With Chimpy McPharisee holding sway over the Empire, we now need a progressive papacy to serve as fulcrum to his malevolent power. As the third Fatima prophecy foretold:"In the final days a smirking and syntactically impaired chimp shall rule all the earth under the sign of House of Shrubs; but soon thereafter shall rise an openly transgendered and progressive porter of the keys bequeathed by the Lord to Peter". And...what was I saying?(clears second chamber). Oh yeah, in the fourth Fatima prophecy: "In the end times the devil shall take the form of an otter, and blog endlessly in pursuit of the corruption of man--and he shall bear the mark of the Beast."

Wait...What was your question?

[CKCat]

David Brocks Altered Boy,
Oh, never mind the question. I don't at all remember it, but you did answer it sufficiently.

So let me make sure I understand you, though. You mentioned the 3rd and 4th Farina, meaning you don't read prophetic tea leaves, but rather meal made from cereal grain.

2ndly, because Farina [Italian for flour] is made from the endosperm of the grain, Scott the Phacist Ott could in phact be immaculately conceived papal progeny--AND--have as many as 3 siblings, since-- according to you--there's at least 4 Farina.

And is it any coincidence nuns get into such bad habits, that closely mimic the burkahs of the daugher of mohammed (Fatima)??. Hmmm..?

Good luck with your pope hope. May Gaia bless you in your progressive papal purse-suits. But please don't ask me again.

[African moonbat]

Dean04prez,
Howie is that you? Why do you want Dean for Prez in 04 or am I in a time warp? I would love to give a Palestinian child a R&B CD but unfortunately they left all their CD players on Israeli busses.

[camojack]

African moonbat:
In hooey/dean4putz's case, it'd be a "tiem wrap"...

But I wouldn't mind a couple of Certificates of Deposit.

On an unrelated note, by fixing the spelling of saccharine in the article, Boss Larry has rendered my earlier comment rather cryptic...and that's the thanks I get?!

[David Brock's altar boy]

CKcat,

You're close, my child, but I don't think you're quite cyphering this ecumenical vignette as you should. This is a common problem among the lay folk--you must pull the carb before you clear the chamber, or else you taste the serpent-bite of sullied pipewater.

The visions of the Fatima (an empowered and childless form of the coredemptrix) were revealed several times to a young Portugese boy during prolonged showers at the Neverland Ranch. In these visitations the Fatima spoke of the end times which soon shall be visited upon the earth by an upright ape. By her own word, only a being posessing unconditional compassion and fake breasts could plug the seventh sphincter of Ott before the universe be suckethed through by moneychangers who bear the names "neo" and "con". And that being shall have the Latin name....

Shit! What was I saying?

[CKCat]

David Brock's Altered Boy:

So in a nutshell [aka: your abode], everybody wants to have the bong passed to them, but NOBODY wants to clean it, ridding it of the sullied pipewater [same ol' same o' chronic *whine*--"it's not my job!"]

Well, this "layman", oh pompous one, must yet disagree with you about the ecumenical vinegarette. Since it's made with EXTRA VIRGIN olive oil--it's clearly more Catholic than ecumaniacal!

BTW, if you don't want to be on "the list" of terrorists, you would be wise to cease from referring to mohammeds daughter as a barren dominatrix!
And THAT is what you were saying!

[sorecarphagus]

Catholics discourage fornicating?
Next you’ll tell me that Bingo is not in the Bible.

[Pol Pothead]

Dudes, like, this Pope guy's legacy isn't quite finished yet, and sh*t. There's still hope that SOME good can come of this dude's life, and I'll tell you how. Two words: 'death tax'.

See, when somebody, like, croaks, the law says that you have to sell off all their sh*t and then give half the cash to the government. Like, the Pope's Catholic Church is sure to bring a bundle, what will all those robes and buildings and doodads they use. Hopefully, the progressyves in government can, like, use this windfall to fund some projects for the truly needy -- something the Church never did. We could realize (rightful President) Al Gore's dream of a midnight basketball program for transgendered spotted owls. We could put thousands more Queer Theory instructors on our borders to help acclimate undocumented immigrants. There could be free condoms and dental dams in every preschool. Like, who needs Heaven when we can tax our way to such a Paradise and sh*t right here?

[Che Guevarito]

David Brock's an Altered Boy:

Good luck. Hopefully you have more success than I have. I posted my resume on Monster.com, but was told that the Church wasn't advertising for the position.

So I dropped my resume off at a local church, but the phacist told me I was unqualified just because I'm a sexually ambiguous, polygamous, bisexual non-Catholic who was applying for the Papacy at a Scientology temple.

"How the Bush-economy was I supposed to know you were Scientologists?" I demanded.

"Well the statue of John Travolta handing out L. Ron Hubbard t-shirts usually tips people off."

"Oh well, Scientology, Kabbalah, Catholic, Hare Krishna: All you Jesus freaks are pretty much the same, aren't you?"

Not one to give in easily, I did some research and recently started my own order. I preach to them about the second coming of John Kerry in my parents' basement every night (when I'm not doing it here). I sometimes bring them table scraps and baptize each of them Kid Bastard style. It's a beautiful thing as long as I'm in my happy place.

So if you're hitchhiking on I84 between Ontario and Idaho Falls, keep an eye out for me. In the words of one of my flock, "I just wanted to go to Portland..." But I helped her get to heaven.

[Ditzy Chick]

"I preach to them about the second coming of John Kerry in my parents' basement every night.."

That must be annoying as helk! Why doesn't he just move into the friggin' basement instead of making all those double visits?!?! Besides, splitting the Eastern sky that often definitly has irreparably adverse effects on the ozone layer! No wonder the long face.

*sigh*--I need a reassuring hug from howie. :-(

[Liberal Larry]

"Honorable Larry-san...is hooey/dean4putz affecting your editorial skilz? [sic]"

It's always the same with you cons. If you can't form a cognesive argument, you start attacking spelling and grammatorical errors.

[howie]

I am not Dean04Prez.There are many of us. Progressives. There will be more and more. Dean in 08!

[JannyMae]

If there will be more and more, how come there are less and less? Just thought I'd ask a rhetorical question.

[JannyMae]

Enough of the sacchrine charm, Larry!

[howie]

You think there are less and less!!!!!!!!!! HA!!! What world do you live in?You wait until 2008, or even 2006. In 2006 is when we take bac kthe house and senate Jannymae!! People are tired of war. And the T.Shiavo fiasco. You really think the American people will stamd for Delay's bulliying tactics threatening the judiciary? On to 2008 and the Wite House is ours!!!! Ask a qestion jAnnyMae but make sure youll like the answer be fore you ask.

[JannyMae]

Dream on little Howie! Americans are "tired of war?" Is that why Tom Daschle is now playing golf back in SD? Dream on, little Howie, dream on! Howie Dean is chairman of the DNC. I rest my case.

[howie]

DREAM ON!!!!!DEAM ON!!!!!!!!!!IS THAT WHY TOM DELAY WILL BE PLAYIN GOLF BACK AT CLUB FED??????? HMMMMMMMM.....

[JannyMae]

Ooo! Howie is upset! He's using all caps to YELL at me. I'm so intimidated...hehehe

[HOWIE]

AND DELAY WILL HAVE LOTS OF COMPANY AT CLUD FED TOO!!!!!!!!!THE ONLY HAMMER HE'LL SEE THERE IS THE ONE HE USES TO BREAK ROCKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!