Ann Coulter is a Middle-Aged Infidel

The Eva Braun of the conservative right has done it again. In an unbelievable display of insensitivity, syndicated Bush shill Ann Coulter referred to 109 year-old Lebanese immigrant Helen Thomas as an "old Arab", without at least prefacing her slur with the adjective "venerable".

"Press passes can't be that hard to come by if the White House allows that old Arab Helen Thomas to sit within yards of the president," Coulter venomously scribbled in her February 23 column.

The American-Arab Anti-Discrimination Committee (AAAC), an Arab civil rights organization devoted to scanning newspapers for things to be offended by, condemned Coulter's remarks and called on Universal Press Syndicate to beat her senseless in accordance with the Holy Quran.

"Her insensitive and stereotypical words concerning the Arab peoples must not be tolerated" said the group's chairman, Muhammed Achmed Achmed Muhammed Muhammed Achmed Muhammed. "'Old Arab?' How would she like it if we referred to her as a 'Middle-Aged Infidel'? 'Look! Here comes that Middle-Aged Infidel! I'm surprised they let that Middle-Aged Infidel in here! Everybody laugh at the Middle-Aged Infidel! HA HA HA!"

Coulter is no stranger to controversy. Only two short days after the horrific events of 9/11, when many Arab-Americans were still reeling from the loss of twelve of their people aboard those doomed flights, she sadistically poured salt on their wounds by suggesting that we should "invade their countries, kill their leaders, and convert them to Christianity". So it was no surprise that 500,000 outraged Lebanese citizens took to the streets of Beirut yesterday to protest Coulter's bigoted remarks concerning the venerable old Arab. In addition, 26 Congressional democrats signed a resolution declaring March 9 "Ann Coulter is a Lying Whore with Cottage Cheese Thighs Day", including Senator Robert Byrd who blasted her as being "just another one of them white niggers".

While Faux News has been typically silent concerning their little rottweiler's naziesque nastiness, the mainstream media was righteously miffed over Coulter's insensitivity. DemsTV took a brief time out from microwaving Ann Coulter dolls to lash out at the conservative pundit for her immature, tasteless attacks. After being briefly overcome with the vapors, blogging sensation Oliver Willis also condemned the "vile, disgusting, filthy festering sore on the grace of humanity" for her insensitive hatespeech, and threatened to "scratch her eyes out" should she ever "show her cottage cheese thighs around Silver Spring".

Widely hailed as the "Great Dane of Journalism", Helen Thomas has been a fixture in the White House press corps ever since she completely calcified sometime during the Johnson administration. Proud of her Lebanese heritage, she kept her Arabic name when many others in her profession anglicized theirs. However, she chose to take the high ground and refused to comment on Coulter's insensitive remarks. Instead, she had strong words for the Bush administration, which has done much to create a vitriolic political climate where ad hominem attacks have taken the place of polite discourse.

"Condoleeza Rice is a monster...a monster and a goddam liar" the esteemed, unbiased journalist told the nice orderlies. "George Bush is...is a goddam fascist who eats little Iraqi children."

Ann Coulter is not a tenured university professor who hates America, and therefore isn't protected by our first amendment right to free speech. If the little Eichmanns of the right were real men, they'd tell that Middle-Aged Infidel to take her ratty hair, her cottage cheese thighs, and her divisive rhetoric back to Dumbfukistan where she belongs.

Correction: The chairman of The American-Arab Anti-Discrimination Committee was incorrectly identified as Muhammed Achmed Achmed Muhammed Muhammed Achmed Muhammed. The actual chairman is Achmed Muhammed Muhammed Achmed Muhammed Achmed. Muhammed Achmed Achmed Muhammed Muhammed Achmed Muhammed is the assistant vice-chairman. I apologize for any confusion.

Correction: I inaccurately stated that "beating" was the punishment for disobedient women according to the Quran. Chapter 4:34 of the Holy Quran actually specifies "scourging", followed by a "beating" only if she's still got some sass left in her. Again, my apologies.

Comments

[aelfheld]

[A]ngelicized?!?

I know the pope's sick, but he's not senile. There's no way he'd beatify such a poor specimen of Rana catesbeiana.

[Friend of USA]

Ann Coulter for president!

ANN COULTER FOR PRESIDENT !

[Liberal Larry]

Counting the typos is half the fun.

[Shroomhead]

Dumbfukistan,good one larry.I too am glad the old arab kept her arabic name. It shows she is proud of her heritage. Ulike that gay male escort(did i mention he is a republican)GANNON/GUKURK what a POS he is

[JannyMae]

"Helen Thomas has been a fixture in the White House press corps ever since she completely calcified sometime during the Johnson administration." Okay, now I laughed so loud that I scared MY cat. Larry, PETA is going to get after you!

[Red Loser]

In addition, 26 Congressional democrats signed a resolution declaring March 9 "Ann Coulter is a Lying Whore with Cottage Cheese Thighs Day"

My birthday is officially Ann Coulter is a Lying Whore with Cottage Cheese Thighs Day. As a progressive, I couldn't be more proud.

[Occam's Beard]

The chairman of The American-Arab Anti-Discrimination Committee was incorrectly identified as Muhammed Achmed Achmed Muhammed Muhammed Achmed Muhammed. The actual chairman is Achmed Muhammed Muhammed Achmed Muhammed Achmed. Muhammed Achmed Achmed Muhammed Muhammed Achmed Muhammed is the assistant vice-chairman. I apologize for any confusion.

I am deeply offended at your phallocentric, misogynistic, and deeply sexist failure to use the correct form of address, chairperson, or as they say in Thomasville, chair.

[Sobek]

I noticed you're reading Michael Moore's new book. I'm still working on his last one, "I'm Like a Publicity-Whore, But for Gay Sex (And Publicity)."

It's a slow read, but well worth it.

[Friend of USA]

I did a google image search on Helen Thomas but I keep getting a camel with make-up in a dress.

[nerdwallet]

Larry, I'm just noticing that you are banned from a site called free speech.
How in the hell can you be banned from a site called free speech???
Must have been too progressive...huh?

This excerpt is from your oliverwillis link on Coulter:

“Which is why you have to wonder why a black conservative like LaShawn Barber is cheering the hate on (LaShawn claims that she just deletes offensive comments, not ones that disagree with her, though history says otherwise)?”

Oliver on the other hand is a champion of free speech and dissent.

[nerdwallet]

Friend of USA. you have to put "Uncle Fester" in the meta search for Thomas...

[brainsample]

While we're on the subject of cottage cheeze thighs, what do calcified thighs look like?

I mean, wouldn't a true progressive display them?

I bet Madeline Albright's thighs are dreamy!

[El-ahrairah]

Um, Ann Coulter. What a babe. I'd do her even if she has those "cottage-cheese thighs". I wonder if she is into the whole "black-leather, whips-n-chains, bondage-n-disipline" thing. I would certainly hope so!

[Homer]

mmmmmmmmmm......

cottage cheeeese.

[doug]

Larry, you're spending waaaaay too much time at DU headquarters. Keep up the good work. I'll keep sending my buddies from LGF over here.

Nice touch on the "what I'm reading" graphic.

Oh and one more thing.

From personal experience, Ann Coulter's thighs are taut, glowing, silky smooth and just meaty enough to sink your teeth into.

Yum.

[Menstrual Rainbow]

Larry, I'm speechless....

Which one has sold out? I can't tell!

[Cheney W. Halliburton]

El-ahrairah, not only is Ann into the leather and whips stuff, it explains why the regular scourgings I give her never seem to make her any less sassy.

Not that I'm complaining, mind you.

[Cheney W. Halliburton]

That picture is not of Al Sharpton and Ann Coulter. That's Michael and Tito Jackson.

[DancesWithBullets]

"Larry, I'm speechless....

Which one has sold out? I can't tell!"

Hey that wasn't funny. Its quite obvious that that devious harlot is trying to prostitute herself out to an outstanding pillar of the democrat voting community by smearing his good name. Why, Al Sharpton is single handedly responsible for keeping millions of black people poor so they continue to vote democrat as opposed to allowing them to become rich and forcing them out of the party.

[Brutha]

I read in Ann Coulter's article that John Kerry is an alias for John Kohn...

Why wasn't I told this before???

And the question arises: what is Bush's real name?

[Mike]

I followed the link to the ADC website and sent an e-mail myself - just kinda changed the subject line and text a little - they were good enough to mail me a copy.

Dear [recipient name was inserted here],

Helen Thomas:

Demonstrably old.
Demonstrably Arab.

The problem here is what?

Oh, I know - the ADC believes the term "Arab" to be an insult.

I am hereby reporting the ADC to the ADC for hate thought re-education.

Or is it the "old" part that the ADC considers to be an insult?

In which case the ADC is demonstrably ageist, and I will be reporting them
to the AARP for re-education.

Either way, it is clear to me that the real problem here is not Ann
Coulter, but the ageist, racist ADC.

Sincerely,

Mike *

If nothing else, tying the ADC up in court on ageist, racist thought crime charges should keep their d*ckbeaters off of "24".

[USS Jimmy Carter]

I hate that middle aged infidel. She should be buried up to her neck in cottage cheese and stoned with unsold copies of Bill Clinotn's biography. Per Quran 4:17, or course

[brainsample]

Looking more closely at cottage cheeze KKKoulter's scalp, we must ask the question:

Does the carpet match the drapes?

Could Doug or Cheney W. Haliburton shed some light?

Enguiring minds want to know.

[Cricket]

So why isn't the Lebanese-AmeriKKKan Helen Thomas over in Lebanon supporting the withdrawal of Syria?

I guess she just LOVES terrorists.

I want to be Ann Coulter when I grow up.

[Cheney W. Halliburton]

Does the carpet match the drapes?

No carpet.

Wall-to-wall linoleum.