When I started the Blog of the Week feature of BlameBush!, I promised myself that I wouldn't succumb to the inevitible deluge of emails from radio publicists begging me to highlight their liberal talk shows. However, when I received a mysterious, midnight call from the breathy-voiced "Arianne" promoting a sexy new team of fresh radio meconium, I decided to make an exception - just this once.
"They don't just make the news," she purred. "They make news sexy!"
When you put it that way, how can anyone resist tuning into this sexy band of thrillseekers who call themselves "The Young Turks"? Just in time for Thanksgiving, the Young Turks are here, they're in your face, and they're sexier than Diane Sawyer in fishnet stockings.
I strongly suspect that two of the Young Turks aren't even real Turks, though. They don't look Turkish, or have Turkish sounding names. In fact, I bet they've never even been to Turkey. However, the star and founder of the show, Cenk Uygur, is a genuine turk, through and through. While his co-turks are simply turk wannabes, Cenk is 100% grade-A, non-pasteurized TURK.
I know - I was skeptical at first, too. We've been led down this road before. For years, liberal prophets have foretold that a young, sex-obsessed turk will rise from the darkness to end the right-wing monoply on our airwaves and crush Pillpopper Limbaugh under his curly-toed shoes. Wishful thinking? Perhaps. But one look at Cenk's "About Me" page will dispel all doubts that he's the real turkey enchilada:
"Rambunctious, obsessed with sex, full of life, cocky...sex obsessed, wants to have sex with every beautiful woman in the world...sex obsessed..."
It's as if someone picked you up and plopped you down in the middle of a scene from Midnight Express, isn't it? No turkey bones about it, Cenk's as "turk" as they come. I wouldn't be surprised if I looked up "Turk" in the dictionary and saw Cenk's turk mug glaring back at me, his very Turkish monobrow practically leaping off the page and scurrying under my ottoman.
While right-wing media whores like Faux News and NBC pretend to be "fair and balanced", Cenk makes no secret of his political leanings. Like so many of us, he's a former Republican who became dissatisfied with the party when it swung to the hard right, abandoning Marxist theory and embracing the opiate of the masses. Giving up a lucratrive career chasing ambulances, he now devotes his life to educating the ignorant masses as only a young turk can. A metaphor for the man himself, Cenk's blog is a veritible falafel of wit and wisdom:
"I do have what seems to be mysteriously missing from everyone else in this election -- logic. It is logical that the polls will be at least as wrong as they were in 2000. It is logical that the record amount of newly registered voters will make a significant impact. It is logical that John Kerry is not tied with George Bush in the swing states, but clearly ahead. It is logical that John Kerry will win this election easily."
To Cenk's dismay, the election was decided by a coalition of prehistoric lunatics who reject logic and let some giant bearded dude in the sky tell them how to vote. I'm referring to the Jesuslanders of the Red States, the evangelical moralists who take the Bible literally, i.e. CHRISTIANS. As Cenk wisely points out, the greatest threat to our democracy comes not from the religious fundamentalists flying planes into our buildings, but from those who love unborn fetuses and frown upon gays.
"The 'moral values' crowd (otherwise known as religious fundamentalists) vote only on one issue. They are steadfast and unwavering. Which is unsurprising, since that is exactly the nature of fundamentalism. They are uninterested in peace...Their number one priority is for the Jews to have the West Bank and all of Jerusalem, so that Biblical prophecy can be fulfilled and Jesus Christ can return."
When he's not sneering at Christians like a Turkish cabbie caught in traffic outside St. Patrick's Cathedral, Cenk devotes his blog to rebuilding Bill Clinton's stained legacy.
"And Bill Clinton, for the record, was not afraid of military action. He fought the Kosovo war, but he was smart enough to plan for it effectively so that we had regime change with ZERO casualties."
And thanks to Bill Clinton, Kosovo is no longer an imminent threat to our country.
The Young Turks website also has a vibrant bulletin board area where visitors are encouraged to post "You rock, Cenk!" and "We love you, Cenk!" in all caps, although the moderators request that you keep your articles on topic and sneer at Christians at least once per post.
That's Liberal Larry's Blog of the Week. I hope Cenk and the Young Turks appreciate the stampede of 15 new readers they'll likely receive thanks to the free publicity.