Surfacing for the first time in over a year, Bin Laden attacked President Bush in a video-taped statement today, accusing him of "misleading the American people", and waging "the wrong war, in the wrong place, at the wrong time". Before a cheering crowd in his home town of Flint, Michigan, the Che Guevara of our time demanded freedom for his Muslim brothers, the resignation of Donald Rumseld, and the indictment of Dick Cheney for his corrupt ties to Halliburton. Most shocking was Bin Laden's scathing ridicule of Bush for sitting on his ass while the towers burned.
"Although he's sent millions of jobs overseas, we never thought that the pee-Resident SELECT would leave 50 thousand of his citizens in both towers to face the horrors by themselves when they most needed him," a concerned Bin Laden said. "It seems that listening to a story about a little girls's pet goat was more important than paying attention to airplanes butting the towers. But what more can you expect from a coke addict who went AWOL from the Texas Air National Guard? More of the same, more of the same."
Bin Laden's statement kicks off a 12-state "Get Out the Vote" tour with Bruce Springsteen, Bon Jovi, and Max Cleland's severed limbs.