Bush Murdered Superman

The world weeps at the news that Christopher Reeve, actor of the age, was found dead in his Metropolis home last weekend.

Arguably the most beloved Hollywood icon of our generation, Reeve gave up a life of luxury and equestrian pursuits to fight a long, courageous battle against Quadraplegia - a terrible condition that afflicts 5 out of every 6 Lifetime Network movie plots. With his charm, wit, and courage, Reeve won our hearts and made us care, if only for a moment, about the plight of crippled celebrities. By putting a pretty face on the disabled, Reeve humanized the physically handicapped in a way that ugly quadraplegics who aren't movie-stars never could. Thanks to Reeve, celebrities and politicians can now pretend to care for the handicapped without the weird uneasiness that comes from being around a real live wheelchair person. While he made a name for himself portraying a comic book superhero, it was perhaps Reeves real life struggles that endeared him to us. Only if Adam West lost both legs in a combine accident would America be so inspired to live on in the face of adversity.

In his later years, Reeve refused to be typecast as a wheelchair-bound paralytic, starring in such box office hits as Christopher Reeve: A Celebration of Hope, Christopher Reeve: Courageous Steps, and Christopher Reeve: Another Celebration of Hope before retiring to devote his life to humanitarian causes. Among them: Courageously serving as a human pity prop for democrat politicians.

Indeed, now that Reeve has bought the farm, John Kerry often reflects deeply and openly upon the friendship they shared. After he saved the actor's life in Vietnam, the two became Indian Blood Brothers and vowed that should General Zod ever escape from the Phantom Zone, they would reunite to defeat him. Honoring their pact, Reeve has stuck loyally by his friend's side throughout his entire campaign to dethrone Bush, even when Kerry didn't playfully disconnect the battery on of his wheelchair. Regretfully, Reeve's wheelchair will now sit empty at Kerry's final few campaign stops. Only the "John Kerry is the REAL Man of Steel" sign taped to the seat will remind us that he ever existed at all.

When Reeve wasn't leaping tall buildings for the democrat party, he was working faster than a speeding bullet to derail Bush's ban on stem cell research. Ironically, it was Reeve's courageous search for a cure to his affliction - a cure that can only be found in the human embryo - that cost him his life. Along with his loyalty to Kerry, Reeve's activism posed such a threat to Bush's sinister plan for world domination that he had to be silenced.

While heaven welcomes a new angel, the world mourns the loss of a hero. Thank you, Chris, son of Kalel, for your courage, your bravery, your courage, and your courage. To us, you'll always be Superman.

Comments

[aelfheld]

One minor typographical error; The sign should read "John Kerry is the REAL Man of Steal".

[SideKick Kid]

Larry,

When I awoke to hear the bad news today... I knew the press would be quick to sieze on the fact that Bush killed superman.

I commented to a friend that I hoped you would be the first to publically acknowledge this travesty. I'm so glad you delivered... and had the courage to tell the truth about the Shrub's queasyness to grind up faceless embryos to find cures for the faces we all know and love, like superman.

[Calliope]

I often reflect deeply and openly on John Kerry's deep, personal, intimate relationship with Mr. Reeve. I'm glad Mr. Kerry has the personal courage to unveil his relationship with Mr. Reeve without fear.

Superman will always be with us.

Unfortunately Mr. Reeve's killer walks free among us. His name would be GEORGE W. BUSHITLER. There. I said it. Come get me Asscroft.

How many limbs does Max Cleland have to give up before George Dumbya Bushitler allows the taxpayers in the US to pay for unborn children to be destroyed for medical experiments for the Democratic party?

Enquiring minds want to know.

*passes the bong along*

[karl rove, uh, no wait, anonymous, yeaaahhhh]

You just watch yourselves, you celebrities. If we can get to Superman, we can get to anyone.

[JannyMae]

(Inhales deeply on the bong)Wow, I haven't stopped crying for more than two days since I found out yesterday that Superman was dead at the evil hands of President Bush. Calliope, I needed that hit, thanks. I feel much better now, and I will feel even more better on November 3rd when I go to the polls and vote for Kerry...excuse me, while I snarf down this deep fried twinkie...these munchies need controlling. Anybody got any diet pills?

[CavalierX]

I knew that Bush wasn't Hitler. I TOLD you fools he wasn't Hitler. itler wasn't as bad as Bush. Hitler nationalised industry and distributed the profits while there still were any; Hitler made the State guarantee an income for all people. Hitler loved dogs!!
General Zod, on the other hand, was an unrepentant villain. All he wanted to do was subjugate the Earth to his evil will and kill Superman. Does that sound familiar?
This PROVES that Bush is General Zod.

[Cheney W. Halliburton]

George W. Bush didn't kill Superman, and George W. Bush isn't General Zod.

Dammit, what does a guy have to do to get some duly deserved credit around here? Listen, what's Lex Luthor? A greedy corporate CEO, right? And who am I? Huh? Huh?

Do I have to freakin' spell it out for you? Jeez!

[JannyMae]

....regains consciousness...passes the bong along....

[Moonchild]

I'm sure DNC lead-investigator Oliver Stone is on this one already, but I think Superman's wheelchair needs to be seized and inspected before it's disappears with some plausibly-deniable cover story like "given to charity because Superman would have wanted it that way". Through my tears after Superman's speech at the "Temple of Hope for the Man from Hope" in 1996, I spied a faint green glow from the battery pack on Superman's wheelchair simultaneous to seeing a snickering troll scurrying into the curtains. It doesn't take the clarity that a bong hit gives to put two and two together; I know Kryptonite when I see it, and I now recognize Karl Rove when I see him. Let's get to the truth before the nutty "complications caused by disability" cover story takes hold and pacifies the populace. We're through the looking glass at zero hour friends; let's not be blind at this crucial moment.

[Vishnu Troll Daddy Earth Goddess]

Damn that Bush, and all his hatemongering! We ALL know that had it not been for the federal ban on embryonic stem cell research funding, Christopher Reeves would be playing polo with Michael J. Fox right now.

Bu$Hitler not only killed Superman, but he is also planning on his own immortality, thanks to secret experimental vaccines made by Halliburton. It's all in the vaccines. That's why the government is keeping the so-called "flu" vaccines out of the hands of doctors and making sure that only the so-called "high risk" patients, i.e., wealthy repugniKKKan donors, receive them.

Bushit, Reeves, stem cells, flu vaccines, Halliburton, immortality...see how it all links together?

[La Femme Crickita]

I thought Michael Moore was the new lead investigator, or did he mentor with Stone? Sigh. You miss so much when the bong is being passed. You also forgot the magic number of 19.

[Moonchild]

Forgive me La Femme Crickita, I believe it is now Messieur Moore, but this situation calls for Stone to come out of retirement; he and Moore'll be like Joe Friday and Bill Gannon without the right-wing hate speech but with the ability to look to "the herb" for guidance at crucial moments in the investigation. Here that bell ringing, Karl Rove? The nineteenth ring's for thee.

[Cheney W. Halliburton]

(Oh well, at least with everyone blaming the wrong guy I won't have to worry about Stinky and Twitchy rummaging through my garbage.)

[The Babe]

And Kerry, who has never left Vietnam, still sontinues to campaign on his record of only four months. What a miracle worker...or is it the second hand smoke?

[Bad Commie]

Batman is so going to kick nazi-hitler-bush ass!

[strangelove]

I am a physically challenged person.

I commend you, Mr.Chomstein on your heroic stance regarding the menace of George Bush. He does not care about those of us who are faced with the threat of Bush-Cheney.

I have the right to stem cell research!

And its TAX CUTS for the rich that keep research stymied, all so Bush can do the oil grab instead of care about me....f-ing bastard! I have no doubt that that the minute Kerry is elected, the first thing he'll do is fund research to get me out of my condition. Kerry cares about me. And that's why I care enough to vote for him....care.
...Health Care. It's a RIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[JannyMae]

Could someone please pass strangelove the bong? He needs to calm the heck down...that's an awful lot of exclamation points!

[Scott R]

You do know you're going to hell, right?
Just checking.

[General Zod]

Larry, Larry, why do you say this to me when you know I will kill you for it?

[J at TAotB]

(Call me Lucky Pierre)

Damn Bush/Hitler/Zod/Luthor! How could he take such a courageous MAN (more of a man than Bush ever will be because he fell off a horse, damnit!) from us?

Best Line: "Quadriplegia - a terrible condition that afflicts 5 out of every 6 Lifetime Network movie plots." Too great!

[Bush Killed Superman]

Bush Killed Superman http://www.bushkilledsuperman.com

[StateOfJefferson]

I was a little confused by your reference to Mr. Reeve becoming another Angel in heaven. I assume that this little typo occured because of the brain-washing chamicals which Haliburton and the kkkorporations are releasing into the air to try and make us forget the Earthe Goddess and the True way. Mr. Reeve is now smoking the cosmic bong with the Earth Goddess.

[Hitler_buddy]

After being elected, my buddy John Kerry should do what I've done to the Jews. We put all the unfitted people to the gas chamber. That would take care of healthcare and other social problems. Johnny Cockran once said: "If it doesn't fit, you must convict." We should gas them all. Why be bothered with stem cell and all that crap?

Of course President Bush is a Christain. I cannot convince him to kill many human beings (to be born fetus) to save a human being( dead meat Reese.) Therefore, don't forget to vote for Kerry next week. (A Salute for Kerry, Hi Hitler.) :P