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Amber

I literally choked when you said "For the love of God don't mention France." Your site should come with warning labels!

James

Lawrence, my man, you are on fire! I have to go Windex my monitor...

heavy b

First rate analysis and consultation; It eludes me why you aren't the #1 "adult" handler on the KE04 team.

I know Liz Edwards reads you and the Koz every day so I am sure your recommendations will be parsed carefully by the debate prep squad.

But I think K is going to do the botox anyway...

Canadian guy

Awesome. That's definitely one of the better ones. Great work.

bahabuddha™

I think the warning about using cosmetic enhancements might have come a little too late. Did you see his face today? He'll be lucky if the swelling goes down by Thurs.

Alphonse

Lawrence, you may have the political insight of Maximilien Robespierre, but as Kerry's cosmetologist/hairdresser/foreign policy consultant, I must ask you not to tell me how to do my job.

aelfheld

'Camp follower' is right.

Penn

A masterpiece.

Calliope

Too late Larry. :(

Look like our hero already made a trip to Raoul's paint and body shop. Maybe they can get enough pancake on him Thursday evening to make it less obvious. Then again if they do and he starts to sweat (which he tends to do due to his enormous brain) then the make-up will run.

Vishnu Troll Daddy Earth Goddess

Kerry should remind us all that we are not simply "amerikkans" but all global citizens of spaceship earth. there is no better way to do this than to answer each question in a different spoken language. who do we want in charge, some hillbilly redneck yokel hick who only speaks drawl, and poorly at that, or a nuanced international man who can reach out to the global community? it will really show the nation just how ignorant shrub is when Kerry says something to him in French, and he doesn't know what it meant.

doom and gloom

earth will be destroyed.
-john kerry

Brett C

You forgot to tell him not to constantly point his finger, lick his lips, and tilt his head. His body language will turn everyone off, and I do not think he can change it.

(Thank God since im for the "Shrub")

tommy

"the majority of voting Americans are undereducated yokels who would rather be watching American Idol."

" they'll go into sensory overload and shut down whenever you start patronizing them like the ignorant children they really are."

It's this attitude of intellectual superiority that will turn the voters off and hand W his well-earned re-election.

Like a socialist who wants to save the proletariat because they are to dumb to do it for themselves, you've placed yourself above the American people.

When you understand that freedom means allowing people to make their own choices, instead of having you do it for them (because you know so much better than they) you'll understand why the democrats are out of power.

Liberal Larry

Thanks, Tommy, and you're right. As liberals, we should reach out embrace those are too stupid to think for themselves, not patronize and insult them. Dumb people are victims of society and deserve our compassion for as long as it takes to earn their vote.

"Proletariat" is a big word, by the way. Did you learn that at community college?

Vishnu Troll Daddy Earth Goddess

Of COURSE we progressives are smarter and better than KKKonservatives. Look at our SAT scores, first of all. And we have supporters in all the best chairs at all the best universities. Do you think that is just a happy coincidence? No, it is because only a complete imbecile could believe in things like "economic growth through tax cuts" or "peace through superior firepower." And we know how to say "nuclear." NEW KLEE ER. It is not that hard. Say it along with us. NEW KLEE ER. Not new que ler. That is wrong.

Now because Gaia Earth Mother has endowed us with a natural superiority in the mental department, along with that superiority comes a responsibility. A responsibility to nurture and protect those less fortunate. That is why we MUSY defeat Dubya and all his chimpish cronies on November 3.

Kerry wants world peace. Bu$Hitler wants to bomb everyone that isn't us.

Kerry wants a clean and safe environment. Bushit wants to put arsenic in your water, clear cut all the forests, strip mine West Virginia, and spill oil all over ANWR. And he wants to kick your dog, if he hasn't already.

Kerry wants health care for all Americans. Shrub wants to take medicine away from your grandmother and ensure that only rich white people can see the doctor of their choice.

Kerry wants to support our schools. Chimp wants to tear down schools in the inner cities, keep African-Americans from learning how to read, and ensure that only his wasp suburban supporters have access to schools. And he is furthering this along by encouraging stupid inbred hillbilly redneck right-wing extremist fundamentalist Kristjian parents to keep their kids at home reading the bible, where they won't see what's really going on.

All of this is true because Kerry, as a progressive, is intelligent, which means he is, by the natural way, caring and compassionate. King George Bush II, on the other hand, is obviously a retarded monkey. Logically then, he wants to do nothing good or helpful, which is why we need Kerry in charge, and why YOU ignorant KKKonservatives also need Kerry in charge, because Kerry will keep you from being drafted to die in Bu$Hitler's illegal Iraqi war.

Yes, yes, we are smart and you are not. Neener neener neener. But we still love you, as we love all of Gaia Earth Mother's children. So suck it up and follow along, just as a spoiled little child must suck it up and follow along behind a caring, nurturing mother. This is the natural way, and it is necessary for us all to live and grow as citizens of Spaceship Earth.

JannyMae

Hey Vishnu! Good one!

Vishnu Troll Daddy Earth Goddess

Well, I do care, so I do try.

Joey

Actually, Lincoln is on the $5 bill, not the $10.

La Femme Crickita

A FOOTBALL game? Which country? Looks like it was spray painted on.

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