John Kerry Storms Boston

As Wagner's "Ride of the Valkries" blared over loudspeakers, the water taxi carrying the decorated John Kerry jetted across Boston Harbor in a dramatic reinactment of his .25 years as a Navy swift boat captain in Vietnam. Just like in the old days, Kerry took the wheel while his loyal boatmates, now gray and weathered by the sands of time, vigilantly manned the boat's specially rigged water cannons. The tall, chiseled Kerry barked an order and the crew opened fire toward a couple of startled winos on the shore, who angrily tossed an empty bottle of Thunderbird in retalliation, nicking Kerry's arm.

"That's it for me!" Kerry shouted as he steered the taxi towards the dock. "I'm outta here!"

In a stirring tribute to the decorated war hero, crowds of democrat supporters greeted Kerry at the landing with giant wads of loogie and shouts of "baby killer". The tall senator hopped off the taxi, and after having his crewmates charged with war crimes, he proudly strode up the gangway arm-in-arm with Jane Fonda and tossed his medals into a dumpster.

"There is no threat," Kerry declared, repeating his 1972 campaign slogan. "The Communists are not about to take over our McDonald Hamburger stands.

In a reinactment of his own Vietnam service, Sen. John McCain was forced to watch a video recording of Kerry's speech while being symbollically beaten and tortured at a Hanoi McDonald's thousands of miles away.

Sen. Ted Kennedy, who humbly chose not to reinact his famous landing on the beaches of Chappaquiddick, hailed Kerry's bravery and promised to sober up enough for the convention's finale on Thursday.

Comments

[Virtus]

Sen. Ted Kennedy, who humbly chose not to reinact his famous landing on the beaches of Chappaquiddick, hailed Kerry's bravery and promised to sober up enough for the convention's finale on Thursday

!!! ROFLMAO !!!

I love this website.

[Sarah]

Did Kerry show up later in the evening and film a do-over?
http://drudgereport.com/dnc8.htm

[Cheney W. Halliburton & the Neo Conga Ball]

@#$!, here we are trying to sabotage this guy, and he keeps getting there first, leaving us nothing to do. @#$!ing diabolical!

[LarryH]

This right-winger trash about Kerry's personal movie camera recreating his Vietnam exploits - - it's more dirty tricks. We now realise that the ultraconservative military at the time REFUSED to have camera crews accompany Kerry, even though he was saddled with the riskiest assignments in the ENTIRE war - he had to make do with what he alone could muster from the PX. GW Bush, back in the states, was paying draftees in 'Nam at Kerry's bases to thwart Kerry's efforts to inform America.

In addition, John Kerry commanded the first and only nuclear powered swift boat - "only" because .... the naval jackboots came to realize that John Forbes Kerry was the only human who could handle the task. This claim about entry into off limits Cambodia is a diversion - - he was actually sent on a SECRET mission. This secret mission in mid-January, 1969 led to the film "Predator." So the character name "Dutch Schaefer" was used in place of the name "John Kerry." And Central America was a diversion from Southeast Asia.

That nuclear explosion at the end of the movie was false: there were actually two detonations. Kerry had to backpack a 175-lb containment vessel containing his walnut-sized nuclear reactor core(perhaps everyone recalls that the nuclear reactor core in today's standard attack submarine is the size of a baseball.) Hero Kerry(please pardon the redundant use of those two words) had to sequence his detonation perfectly(of course) because the predator's power unit core would have otherwise obliterated - - and therefore sterilized - - the surface of planet earth. So John Kerry is the ULTIMATE environmentalist, saving not just the species homo sapiens sapiens, but gazillons of other species as well.

Those right wingers who bust a gut about his "frequent" mention of Vietnam are trying to goad him - TAUNT him -- into breaking secrecy. If Kerry ever mentions that he SAVED ALL mankind, the planned neofascist response is to harp "ohoa, there he goes again" about Kerry's "save the spotted owl" nutjob attitude. They have no shame.

Prediction: Ahhnold will hide under his desk in Scaramento and never acknowledge the "real' Dutch Schaefer.

The right-wingers make millions from his death-defying secret mission, then prevent showing THE TRUTH about Kerry's slightly less risky portion. How can anybody sleep at night knowing what's being done to John and Teresa?

[J at TAotB]

Your best yet.

". . . after having his crewmates charged with war crimes . . . ."

Too funny!

"In a reenactment of his own Vietnam service, Sen. John McCain was forced to watch a video recording of Kerry's speech while being symbolically beaten and tortured at a Hanoi McDonald's thousands of miles away."

Funny . . . but amazingly poignant.

John McCain, a man with whom I disagree on many points, must be a bigger man than I because there's no way I could ever be in the same room with Kerry had I gone through what McCain had. Horrific.

Keep it up, bro Larry.

[JannyMae]

Larry H.: "Hero Kerry(please pardon the redundant use of those two words)" Hysterically funny!

[LarryH]

Two astute readers have already sent e-mails, understandibly questioning JFK's use of a REACTOR core.

The claim that John Forbes Kerry made use of a "nuclear reactor core" instead of an atomic bomb core is certainly worth questioning. After all, a reactor core simply CANNOT detonate: it can overheat and melt, and can generate a neutron pulse - - but not detonate.

The military in 1969 thought that they could only provide JFK with three hours preparation before sending him in. After two hours, JFK showed them the pitfalls in using a standard kiloton or megaton weapon.

At Yale, John Forbes Kerry had access to three secret chambers within the Directoire Skull & Bones complex, known only to the top-one-percent S&B membership(naturally Dubya plus his dad and grandfather would have absolutely not imagined that such things existed there.) So JFK was well versed in nuclear science; so well so, that he could teach his "instructors" in a half hour how his walnut could deal with an intergalactic force, which surely was at least a century more advanced than us(from a strictly technological standpoint, not a moral standpoint) and which therefore could negate our use of first generation weapons.

So a hollow plutonium sphere spiked with lithium deuteride was removed, and the walnut sized JFK-modified(!!) reactor core went instead. Consequently we are not dead or unborn ©. When the scientists and military brass realized that JFK was an even MORE astounding, seemingly superman-quality young man, they wanted to not risk such a stupendous asset. The backup, Oliver North, never knew he was slated to be called up(how's that for abominable, perhaps death-wish judgement by the DOD!) But the words "send me" were too compelling, too true, and today we know ... JFK was our PLANET'S only hope of survival.

Actually, the predator was not a disgusting bipedal quasi-cephalopod; it exhibited extreme fetching beauty, understandable for such an advanced cerebral predator. But JFK asked it the crucial question: "What are your present and future assets worth?" - - and its unsuitable answer led to our NOT being dead or unborn ©.

Note how the selection of actors was meant to oh-so-effectively throw us off.

A few years later, JFK realized that the predator did not have to die. If JFK had raised both arms and smelled his armpits, the predator would have been so grossed out it would have departed our solar system. So PEACE was at hand, if only the incessant brainwashing of the right had not distracted JFK.

JFK is the only candidate with such first-hand dealings with aliens. He realizes that the multilateralism of the UN is a brief stepping stone to our membership in the multilateral intergalactic community. Then the clouds will clear, angels will blow lovely notes from on high, the honey will flow, and earthlings will be in friendly union as never before("an enemy of my enemy is a friend".)

"Dead or unborn" is a copyrighted phrase of Planned Parenthood.