John Kerry, Speed-Reader Extraordinaire
If there was ever any doubt that John Kerry is a man of superior, perhaps even godlike intellect, you can now lay that doubt to rest. Mere hours after the 9/11 Commission released its much-anticipated report, John Kerry has already read all 600 pages and concludes that the blame for the attacks lies squarely on Bush's shoulders.
"This is not a time for bickering. It is not a time for politics. When it comes to protecting our people and securing our homeland, there are no Democrats. There are no Republicans. There are only Americans who will do anything to defend America and our way of life. This is a time to come together. This is a time for bipartisan solutions. And this is a time to act - now. Unfortunately, this administration had an ongoing war between the State Department, the Defense Department, the White House — people have been at odds. Everybody knows it. They'll deny it. But everybody does know it. And the fact is that it has struggled — it has created a struggle that has delayed our ability to move forward."
Folks, I have six degrees from UC Berkeley. I bought the report this morning and I'm barely past page 35. The world speed reading record is 150,000 words per minute. Although his humility precludes him from boasting, Kerry has surely smashed that record. In fact, both Ted Kennedy and Nancy Pelosi have also issued statements confirming that the report damns Bush. Bush is probably still trying to get through My Pet Goat.
Just more proof that Republicans are dumber than a sockful of docs.
Good thing no far right people visit this blog - they would get so discouraged! I mean if they read this blog, they would be "near right" instead of "far right" - because they would be right here. Boy, I'm glad right wingers can't read!
Posted by: Bad Commie | July 22, 2004 at 03:23 PM
Bush has cleverly arranged for the Kerry camp to look silly over the Sandy Berger affair. The timing, the facts of the case and the media hullabaloo point to yet another Bush family conspiracy. And poor John Kerry is just another pawn in their sick game. Bush is an idiot, but he is a diabilocal idiot, and that makes all the difference.
Posted by: John Climacus | July 22, 2004 at 07:05 PM
I've always wondered how the stupidest man on earth, George W. Bush, was the only one who figured out that the pre-war (WMD) intelligence was, "wrong." Despicable, ain't he? "Of course, you know: THIS means WAR!"---Bugs Bunny, circa 1945.
Posted by: JannyMae | July 22, 2004 at 07:37 PM
I'm gonna let you all in on a little secret. That wasn't really Sandy Berger. It was Wolfowitz in a Sandy Berger mask (and a padded suit he borrowed from me -- I actually weigh only five pounds more than Lance Armstrong). Berger's cooperating in the whole thing because he likes the idea of being known for having something extra in his pants.
Posted by: Cheney W. Halliburton & the Neo Conga Ball | July 23, 2004 at 05:20 AM
Well, in Uncle Sandy's defense, DEPENDS are expensive!
Posted by: JannyMae | July 23, 2004 at 09:58 AM
Intelligent objections to Kerry's diatribe could be made. For example, that he called for bipartisanism and blamed Bush in the same breath.
But the speed-reading thing isn't one of them, for one very simple reason: your own link shows Kerry saying publicly that he is basing his remarks on briefings he received from the committee's senior members, *because he hasn't finished reading the report yet.*
Forget speed reading, do you even read your own links?
Posted by: trilobite | July 23, 2004 at 02:17 PM
The point was: John Kerry, having OBVIOUSLY NOT read the entire report, had already reached conclusions, nonetheless. Sorry, but that seems a bit, "disingenous," to me, to quote the libby word of the week.
Posted by: JannyMae | July 23, 2004 at 02:31 PM
You filthy republi-nazis get oof our BLOG! JOHN KERRY IS GREATEST. YOU ARE SO STUPID.
Posted by: Bad Commie | July 23, 2004 at 03:46 PM
Sorry. We can't read. You said so.
Posted by: JannyMae | July 23, 2004 at 03:51 PM
Trilobite, your obsession with "facts" proves that you're actually a conservative phony posing as a liberal. Perhaps one day you'll open your mind and free yourself from absolutist concepts like "truth" and "accuracy". My advice would be to get a college education, then come back and post when you have something interesting to say.
Have a nice day.
Janny Mae - John Kerry has three purple hearts, so he doesn't need to read the report to conclude that Bush not only allowed 9/11 to happen, but probably planned it.
Posted by: Liberal Larry | July 23, 2004 at 03:58 PM
Well, Bush did stick that cricket in my closet, so I wouldn't put anything past him.
Posted by: JannyMae | July 23, 2004 at 04:04 PM
Trickseyy Republicansss, hatessseess them, we do, don't we, my prrreeciousss......
Posted by: Robert From NC | July 25, 2004 at 11:39 PM