Al Qaeda Endorses Bush

After calling a truce with Spain, Al Qaeda terrorists have thrown their support behind George Bush for president.

In a statement sent to Arabic language daily al-Hayat, the Al Qaeda-linked Abu Hafs al-Masri Brigades claimed it preferred bumbling stupidity over cunning genius, and that it is impossible to find a leader "more foolish than the AWOL Bush, who deals with matters by force rather than with wisdom."

"Americans must NOT vote for Kerry," the message continued. "Kerry will kill our nation while it sleeps because he and the Democrats have the cunning to embellish blasphemy and present it to the Arab and Muslim nation as civilization. The last thing we terrorists want is a Vietnam war hero like Kerry, who will bring peace and prosperity to the whole world, and turn the American people into complacent sheep with affordable health care and good jobs. We prefer terror and violence - and because of this we desire Dumbya to be elected - or should we say: we prefer him to STEAL the election again."

The letter, crudely written on recycled paper in green crayon, also addressed the 200 million jobs and 750,000 American lives that have been lost on Bush's watch, before concluding with a stunning postscript:

"Let us clarify: The American people must not think we say we prefer Bush so they vote for Kerry just to spite us. We really do like the Shrub, who despite squandering a budget surplus and racking up record deficits, looks good in a flight suit and gives us more excuses to attack and kill you. John Kerry, however, is just too smart for us terrorists, and all the allies Bush alienated will rally behind the esteemed senator from Massachussetts. Do NOT vote for Kerry! And do NOT send money to moveon.org, either.

Allah Ackbar, sayonara, and all that good stuff - the Terrorists."

There you have it, straight from the camel's mouth. Despite all the neocon spinning about how the terrorists manipulated the Spanish elections to put into power a man who supports John Kerry, the truth is that Al Qaeda would much rather have an idiot like Dumbya in the White House than a man of Kerry's brilliance.

Comments

[Gib]

My feeble right-wing brain believes this document is a forgery. Please help me find adequate deprogramming to accept this obviously true and not at all forged document for the nail in Shrub's coffin that it obviously is.

[Amber]

Even if it isn't, Al-Qaeda could be simply trying some elementary reverse psychology. I don't doubt they want a Kerry White House as badly as our left.

Forgive me for slipping out of sarcasm mode there.