One of the greatest lies the right has ever told is that they are the only ones who support the troops. They gather in their jingoist little "Support the Troops", waving their little flags and acting like they're so superior to the rest of us.
So to counter the right-wing monopoly on troop-supporting, some progressive friends and I have formed our own patriotic organization - one that doesn't exploit the troops for political idealogy. Today was our first meeting. I've posted a small portion of the minutes here.
Larry Chomstein: I move this meeting come to order. Does anyone second my motion?
Khim Lam: George Bush stole erection!
Larry: Khim, you need to second my motion, or save your remarks until you have the floor.
Travis Tyler: I second your motion!
Larry: Motion seconded. Can I get a third?
Travis: We need a third?
Larry: This is a democracy. We can't do anything until everyone agrees.
Travis: But there are 20 people here. Can't we just raise hands if we're in favor of starting the meeting?
Larry: Travis moves to forfeit the motion process in favor of showing hands. Does anyone second his motion?
Ashley Phelps: Just start the fucking meeting!
(group breaks up into angry shouting)
Larry: Order please. Quiet! Everyone be quiet! Okay, first order of business: what to call this new organization of ours.
Khim: George Bush stole erection!
Larry: Khim, please. Does anybody have a suggestion for a group name? Chair recognizes Ashley Phelps.
Ashley: "Peaceblossom", you fucking moron!
Larry: Sorry. Chair recognizes Peaceblossom Phelps.
Peaceblossom: How about "We Support the Troops, Not the Fucking War."
Larry: It's too vague. Why not the war? And what war? Chair recognizes Bob Keiser. Bob?
Bob Keiser: How about "We Support the Troops, with the Following Disclaimer: George Bush's hegemonic, imperialist, unilateral agression against a soveri - "
Larry: Too long. We need something short and simple, something that won't make us look like a bunch of kooky idealogues. Think "Not in Our Name", or "MoveOn". Chair recognizes James Wallace.
James Wallace: Fuhhhhh....Fuhhhhhhhh....F-F-F-Fuhhhhhhhh......
Larry: Chair recognizes Lance Mason.
Lance Mason: Of course you recognize me, silly! We've known each other since Berkeley!
Larry: Lance, do you have a suggestion?
Lance: Yes. "We Support Our Troops, But..."
Larry: But what?
Lance: But whatever.
Larry: Okaaaaaay.... People will think we're supporting some troop's butt.
Lance: I wouldn't mind supporting some troop's butt, especially if it's a tight, cu-
Larry: Come on people! Quit screwing around! We have a chance to change world history, here. Think of something appropriate! Chair recognizes Travis Tyler.
Travis: How about "We Support Our Troops....asterisk"?
Larry: You mean put a little asterisk at the end of our name?
Travis: No, I mean we actually say "asterisk". "We Support our troops...asterisk"
Larry: That sounds totally gay.
Lance: Excuse me?
Travis: Who died and made you Der Fuhrer, Chomstein?
Peaceblossom: Yeah, you fucking nazi! I thought this was a fucking democracy!
Larry: Ashley, please refrain from...
Peaceblossom: PEACEBLOSSOM!!!
Bob: I knew it! He's a fascist! Stop opressing us, you fascist!
Peaceblossom: I oughta to rip your fucking balls off, you fucking -
Khim: George Bush stole erection!
(indiscernible shouting & cross chatter)
The meeting lasted for another 4 hours, and then we finally agreed on "Support Our Troops*" for a name. Tomorrow, we will hold our first "Support Our Troops*" rally out at Fort Lewis, so I'm probably going to be up all night sewing swastikas onto U.S. flags.
too funny.
"People will think we're supporting some troop's butt."
Posted by: The Commissar | June 25, 2004 at 08:52 AM
Great work. Thanks for the effort.Funny & SCARY.
Posted by: dougf | June 25, 2004 at 07:58 PM
ROFLMAO! "George Bush stole erection". Great work, "keep it up"!
Posted by: dgci | June 27, 2004 at 03:43 PM
Ooooh! Nailed it, ya did!
So committed to having it MY way, the 20 assembled people can't have it THEIR way, because they're too busy trying to convince oppressive, nazi, fascist chairpersons of the validity of MY way, they can't get around to OUR way...
Now 'scuzi... I gotta go deface some Murrican flags for the Peace Rally tomorrow.
Posted by: Sharps Shooter | June 28, 2004 at 02:56 AM
In the immortal words of Curly Joe -- Supoib!
Posted by: J. Fielek | June 28, 2004 at 09:33 AM
Mike Moore is a guy who never cleaned up his act, got a harcut, or a got a real job.
All of his semi-moralistic pontificating is just promotion of his own movie. His REAL agenda is promoting himself, his movies, and trying to delay getting a REAL JOB.
Posted by: Charles Budney | July 01, 2004 at 11:14 AM
Bush is such a Nincompoop!
Posted by: John | July 27, 2004 at 09:24 AM
I think he is completely responsible for our men being over there my husband is in iraq and i want him home and if it wasn't for George Bush then he would be. I dont think he is doing a good job at all. Pull them out George Bush what are you trying to do kill everyone till there is no one left to fight for a country that hates us.........
Posted by: bonnie | April 11, 2005 at 10:40 PM
Fuck all you ungrateful democrats. You better fucking post this god damn message you no good fucking pussies. All of you deserve to die for what you say about our troops. If it wasnt for them defending your right to bash them then you would all be just like Iraq where you cant even vote without getting killed. I cant believe that I would fight for a bunch of whining pussies that cant even give respect. I hope you sensor this because it is America and you need to sensor everything that is bad for your image. You fucking pussies.
Posted by: Joe Durlin | November 10, 2006 at 09:31 AM
“...our Dessert for Deserters® cupcake stand...” -Larry
There is a problem with those cupcake stands. The last time I set one up Michael Moore ate them like popcorn and refused to pay me!
Just how many Thai sticks can you buy from Khim Lam with cupcake crumbs and beard stubble! None! Not even a few medicinal hemp seeds. And, no, I don’t want to practice karma sutra with Michael Moore.
Posted by: TT | February 24, 2007 at 06:27 PM
No Nukes! No Nukes! Quack, quack!
Posted by: Jay | February 27, 2007 at 11:43 AM
Germany was not behind 12-7!
Posted by: Mike Williamson | April 26, 2007 at 09:51 PM
http://nobleword.info/statenisland/index.html
Posted by: http://nobleword.info/statenisland/index.html | July 05, 2007 at 04:32 PM
Hmm..
It seems to be interesting... I write my blog too.
Posted by: Natasha | November 22, 2007 at 03:38 AM