One of the greatest lies the right has ever told is that they are the only ones who support the troops. They gather in their jingoist little "Support the Troops", waving their little flags and acting like they're so superior to the rest of us.
So to counter the right-wing monopoly on troop-supporting, some progressive friends and I have formed our own patriotic organization - one that doesn't exploit the troops for political idealogy. Today was our first meeting. I've posted a small portion of the minutes here.
Larry Chomstein: I move this meeting come to order. Does anyone second my motion?
Khim Lam: George Bush stole erection!
Larry: Khim, you need to second my motion, or save your remarks until you have the floor.
Travis Tyler: I second your motion!
Larry: Motion seconded. Can I get a third?
Travis: We need a third?
Larry: This is a democracy. We can't do anything until everyone agrees.
Travis: But there are 20 people here. Can't we just raise hands if we're in favor of starting the meeting?
Larry: Travis moves to forfeit the motion process in favor of showing hands. Does anyone second his motion?
Ashley Phelps: Just start the fucking meeting!
(group breaks up into angry shouting)
Larry: Order please. Quiet! Everyone be quiet! Okay, first order of business: what to call this new organization of ours.
Khim: George Bush stole erection!
Larry: Khim, please. Does anybody have a suggestion for a group name? Chair recognizes Ashley Phelps.
Ashley: "Peaceblossom", you fucking moron!
Larry: Sorry. Chair recognizes Peaceblossom Phelps.
Peaceblossom: How about "We Support the Troops, Not the Fucking War."
Larry: It's too vague. Why not the war? And what war? Chair recognizes Bob Keiser. Bob?
Bob Keiser: How about "We Support the Troops, with the Following Disclaimer: George Bush's hegemonic, imperialist, unilateral agression against a soveri - "
Larry: Too long. We need something short and simple, something that won't make us look like a bunch of kooky idealogues. Think "Not in Our Name", or "MoveOn". Chair recognizes James Wallace.
James Wallace: Fuhhhhh....Fuhhhhhhhh....F-F-F-Fuhhhhhhhh......
Larry: Chair recognizes Lance Mason.
Lance Mason: Of course you recognize me, silly! We've known each other since Berkeley!
Larry: Lance, do you have a suggestion?
Lance: Yes. "We Support Our Troops, But..."
Larry: But what?
Lance: But whatever.
Larry: Okaaaaaay.... People will think we're supporting some troop's butt.
Lance: I wouldn't mind supporting some troop's butt, especially if it's a tight, cu-
Larry: Come on people! Quit screwing around! We have a chance to change world history, here. Think of something appropriate! Chair recognizes Travis Tyler.
Travis: How about "We Support Our Troops....asterisk"?
Larry: You mean put a little asterisk at the end of our name?
Travis: No, I mean we actually say "asterisk". "We Support our troops...asterisk"
Larry: That sounds totally gay.
Lance: Excuse me?
Travis: Who died and made you Der Fuhrer, Chomstein?
Peaceblossom: Yeah, you fucking nazi! I thought this was a fucking democracy!
Larry: Ashley, please refrain from...
Bob: I knew it! He's a fascist! Stop opressing us, you fascist!
Peaceblossom: I oughta to rip your fucking balls off, you fucking -
Khim: George Bush stole erection!
(indiscernible shouting & cross chatter)
The meeting lasted for another 4 hours, and then we finally agreed on "Support Our Troops*" for a name. Tomorrow, we will hold our first "Support Our Troops*" rally out at Fort Lewis, so I'm probably going to be up all night sewing swastikas onto U.S. flags.