As most of you head for Grandma's to honor the great feast pilgrims shared with the indigenous peoples right before slaughtering them all wholesale, be sure to remember the exploited, underpaid migrant workers who labored under deplorable conditions so you could celebrate that bloody stain on American history called Thanksgiving. As Mom slides that big ol' tom turkey into the oven, think about how a helpless, innocent, genetically engineered bird was tortured and butchered just so your drunken old man can assert his alpha male status by carving up a carcass on the family dinner table. Then later, as you all sit by the fire, contemplate on the millions of homeless people who won't have a Thanksgiving dinner this year, thanks to the very selfish, materialistic culture that created them. Yes, I hope you have a Happy Thanksgiving, knowing that those red stains on your hands aren't from the cranberry sauce.
Personally, I'll be spending the holiday naked in my basement, stabbing myself in the thigh with a fork to atone for 400 years of murder and opression.