BlameBush!

Yes Virginia, There is a Muntadhar al-Zaidi

I crawled out of my flotation tank this morning after a long winter's nap, and I was a little disheartened to not find any holiday gift packages on my doorstep. I guess with Bush's economy in the crapper, people just aren't filled with the Winter Solstice spirit this year. But when I got online and saw the now famous video taken at another Bush Baghdad photo op, it was like the early vernal equinox had come early to the Chomstein household.

"This is a farewell kiss from the Iraqi people, you dog," Iraqi journalist Muntadhar al-Zaidi shouted in Arabic as he tossed a pair of size 10 Buster Browns at the cowering Shrub. "This is for the widows and orphans and all those killed in Iraq so you could steal our oil and give tax cuts to the wealthiest one percent of Americans!"

Being pelted with shoes is considered a grave insult in Islamic cultures, but in the West only women and effeminate men throw their footwear when they're pissed off about something. So al-Zaidi's courageous outburst struck a chord with Progressives here in the states. The RethugniKKKans can have Joe the Plumber (and all his personal records back, too). At last, WE have a regular human being that WE can identify with, someone who puts a voice to our anger and speaks the words we have longed to be spoken, but that no one would hear. Best of all, he hasn't exploded in a crowded market or sawed someone's head off on the internet yet.

So here's to Muntadhar al-Zaidi, Man of the People. There's a Pulitzer Prize and a job waiting for him at CNN if he ever gets out of Bush's torture chamber.

Dec. 10 is National Gay the Day Away Day

In an organized protest against California's Proposition 8 (i.e. The Gay Holocaust), gays and lesbians across the world will walk off their jobs tomorrow. So if you need your hair done or your condo redecorated, do it tonight.

I was planning on taking the day off, too, but my bigot of a boss informed me that since I'm not gay, but merely metrosexual, I would have to come in to work. Suddenly, I know how the Jews in Nazi Germany must have felt.

So to show solidarity with my gay and lesbian brothers and sisters, I am refusing to whine, whimper, sashay, simper, nance or prance for the remainder of the week. I'd ask to all to join in, but I've vowed not to stage any organized hissy fits, either.

That'll show those breeding bastards!!

Bush Spying on Mumbai "Terrorists"

In the wake of the recent violence in Mumbai, U.S. intelligence agencies confessed to having warned Native American authorities that an attack was imminent.

Well, too little, too late, fellas. If the so-called "terrorists" had known that Bush was listening in on their phone calls, they probably would've called the whole thing off weeks ago. But the Shrub kept it all a big secret, and now hundreds of innocent people are dead - including the so-called "terrorists".

This is this problem inherent with Bush's domestic spying program as well. Even if he was actually eavesdropping on so-called "terrorists" and not on working families, the shroud of secrecy surrounding such a scheme wouldn't discourage any attacks. In fact, it would instill so-called "terrorists" with a sense of confidence that their plotting had gone undetected. Bush may think he's saving lives by spying on so-called "terrorists" without their knowledge, but he's really just setting us all up for another Mumbai.

Oh well. When Obama assumes the throne next month, Bush's high crimes will all be a thing of the past...as will that distinctive clicking sound I hear in the background whenever Nancy Pelosi and I are having phone sex.

No Cabinet Spot for al Zawahri

Al Qaeda's number two, Ayman al Zawahri, released a video today praising Malcolm X, and slamming America as an "criminal imperialist opressor".

I know what you're thinking: he's obviously angling for a spot in President Obama's cabinet. Well, too bad, Big Al, but you blew it with that "House Negro" remark. The Democrat Party does not tolerate such racially divisive language when its directed at anyone but a Black Republican. Perhaps if Zahawri clarifies his remarks and explains that he was actually referring to Condoleeza Rice, there might be a place for him on the pulpit at Obama's church. If he amps up his anti-American rants a little bit, I'm sure he could even get a job teaching at the University of Illinois.

He already attacked the Pentagon once, so that should look good on his resume.

Election Watch 2008: Racist Whites Backing McCain

Exit polls are showing that white males are overwhelmingly backing McSame. It's tragic that even in this day and age people are still voting for a candidate based solely on their skin color. I thought America had outgrown such overt acts of racial predjudice, but I guess not.

I just hope that the Black Community gets out and votes in full force this election.

Election Watch 2008: Military Votes Slipping Through Cracks, Actually Being Counted

It's generally known that active military personel, isolated as they are from current events and the educational assistance of the mainstream media, are just too ignorant to be trusted with a decision as important as choosing our President - a fact proven by their tendency to overwhelmingly vote Republican.  Bush's theft of the elections in both 2000 and 2004, for example, was blamed on the military vote.

Regretfully, we haven't learned from the mistakes of the past. A few military votes slipped through the cracks and were accidentally counted this year as well...but John McSame actually wants to count more. Absentee ballots mailed out to troops serving overseas yesterday might not make it back by today's deadline, and McSame is suing to have the deadline extended.

It's funny how these right-wingers wouldn't bend the rules to ensure the votes of our own citizens were counted in Florida, but they have no problems doing so to accommodate people who don't even live here.

Election Watch 2008: Hillary Speech Interrupted by Voting

Is there no end to the right-wing dirty tricks on this, our Special Day? Word is that a Hillary speech was rudely interrupted by voters at a New York polling center. Hillary, who was stumping for our new President in Chappaqua, was in the process of reminding everyone about how she's always been an Obama fan when several people broke away and starting voting.

There arent any Republicans in New York anyway, so I'm not worried. But if it could happen there, it could happen anywhere.

Election Watch 2008: Republicans Infiltrating Polling Places

This just in: Townhall.com is reporting that Republicans have infiltrated several polling places in Philly and are attempting to vote.  In other areas, poll watchers who were exposed as being Republicans were thrown out before they could make any Obama supporters feel uncomfortable.

The good news is that if you live in the Philadelphia and vote in the 44th Ward, 12th and 13th divisions; 6th Ward, 12th division; or the 32nd Ward, Division 28, these precincts have all been purged of Republicans and have been deemed "voting sanctuaries" where registered and unregistered Democrat voters can cast as many ballots as they want without being glared at.

Election Watch 2008: Voter Intimidation at the Polls!

There are reports that some of McSame's brownshirts stormed a Philly polling center this morning and dragged off two Black Panthers. Most of us remember how Bush had pigs drive around polling places in 2000 and 2004 to scare away any Black voters who were escaped felons or had outstanding arrest warrants. So the Black Panthers came out to perform a vital community service this election: protecting citizens from any groups of militant racists who might try to sway their vote.

So be careful out there. Watch your back, and don't be intimidated by the White Devil.

Peanut Butter and Jelly Sandwiches for Everyone

John McSame has been spreading scurrilous rumors that Obama is a "socialist". Ugly, horrible, right-wing lies from a lying Repug whose entire campaign has been one smear after another.  Obama would be well within his rights to sue McSame for slander, or at the very least have him referred to a reeducation facility until such a time that a renewed Fairness Doctrine can silence such right-wing hate speech. But our future President is as merciful as he is witty, and chose instead to counter McShame's smears with a one-two punch of good ol' progressive humor.

"I don't know what's next. By the end of the week, he'll be accusing me of being a secret communist because I shared my toys in kindergarten. I shared my peanut butter and jelly sandwich."

And that's all Obama wants to do, really. He just wants to share his peanut butter and jelly sandwich with all the people of this country. Well, not quite everyone. Just those who need it the most. And it's not exactly HIS peanut butter and jelly sandwich he wants to share, either. After 8 long years of Bush's failed capitalist policies, the nation's peanut butter and jelly sandwiches are now unfairly concentrated in the hands of a small few. While the proletariat has been living hand to mouth, the richest 1% have been gorging themselves on sandwiches made from the peanut butter and jelly of the working class. In fact, the sole reason you don't have a peanut butter and jelly sandwich is because a rich guy somewhere has two. Obama just wants to liberate a few peanut butter and jelly sandwiches from their greedy cakeholes and spread them around a little, so that all Americans can have a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. It's not Socialism, it's compassion. And President Obama plans to be pretty compassionate with other peoples' peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, believe you me.